Category: Grief
Posts on grief in its many forms — the acute losses, the slow ones, the ones nobody else notices. What it asks of us, what it takes from us, what it eventually leaves behind. Lived experience, not a roadmap.
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Slipping My Restraints
The idea of “play” has always been very difficult for me, at least since I was beyond my little-girl status…maybe, what? seven? eight? By the time I was a teenager, I was being told those were the best years of my life (you know, with raging hormones, mean girls, immature boys, zits…
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Blood Is Thicker Than Water But So Is Toothpaste
Someone tried to silence me yesterday. That’s how I knew I have one more frontier to explore in my healing, and I’ve been doing quite a bit of it in the past year but they only now discovered it. It’s the frontier (often times, deep dark woods!) of the families we are born…
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What Really Scares Me
Just when I thought I’d worked through my fears, I came up with a new one. A long-time acquaintance of mine joyously described the mission that’s taken over her life. She’s been studying reiki and massage therapy to some degree for several years, but she’s recently jumped full-fledged into pursuit of learning everything she can.…
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My Toxic Father
Okay, so here’s the deal with my dad and my visit up there. One or two rantings just aren’t enough catharsis. I was told I needed to get up there right away, that he may not even make it to the weekend. I felt like I had to really eat dirt with my ex and…
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Through a Dark Wood, Wandering in Wonder
The trip to see my dad was brutal. And unbearable. The girls and I sought refuge outdoors as much as possible, and Nature seemed to open up and envelope us lovingly, the only thing that kept us from either crying or screaming through the whole visit. We weren’t there long, maybe an hour, before the…
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Failure to Heal
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Curves. “Some people can’t be healed.” I re-read the statement from a friend who moved a year ago. I don’t want to believe that, but it resonates, perhaps because yesterday I heard an NPR story about terminally ill children and some of the medical practices pursued…
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Forgiveness Is Not Condoning
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Curves. I have one last bit of data to find before I can file the tax return I extended in April when I was sick and overworked and sick of being overworked. I think I can safely find the data now because I unexpectedly found something…
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Thoughts Have Power
How often have I heard that thoughts have power? Not just in reference to magickal intent, but also in terms of science and water molecules and the effect of a literal word of kindness or love taped to the jar of water? Mentally, I’ve been on strange turf since last Friday afternoon when I felt…
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Miracles and Marriage Expectations
Six women have me thinking about marriage…again. About why people get married, women in particular. Every now and then, I have to pull out my old feelings about it and take a look and see what’s changed and what I really want and really examine any leftover negative con- notations about the “institution” of marriage.…
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CLICK: Fast-Forwarding Through Life
The movie I saw yesterday struck a nerve—it was a comedy that had me in tears, and that surprised me. It reminded me of something I discovered when my dad was in the Intensive Care Unit several years ago and I got to see a lot of dying patients and see what was important to…
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How Men Start Over
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Crimes to the Third Degree. In a discussion today on how men and women grieve differently and how they start over differently, I realized something I hadn’t before. I don’t know if it’s really a man vs. woman thing or just what I’ve observed personally among the people…
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No Cure for Saturday Night Insomnia
I can’t sleep right now and I refuse to meditate anymore tonight. Sometimes these meditative visions…journeys…whatever they are…are more disturbing than nightmares, and this one has me crying. Hard. I can’t stop. I cannot stop. I’ve finished half a box of Kleenexes in less than 10 minutes and I can’t stop crying. I won’t sleep…
