Shifting, Snapping, Breaking Through
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Below.
Sometime during the night, something…snapped. Iâ€™d almost say that something broke, but it felt more like somethingÂ broke Â through. Something Â lifted, Â something connected to my full moon work this month.
I donâ€™t know if it was blockages Iâ€™d been dealing with or something in my destiny that someone else had strug-led against and won, but it was palpable.
I was aware of it the instant I awoke, which was more
than an hour Â earlier Â than usual and with only about Â 5 hours of sleep, but it was good sleep last night. For the past two nights, many of my online friendsâ€”people Iâ€™ve never Â met Â in Â personâ€”haveÂ Â been Â showing Â up Â in Â my dreams, offering support. Itâ€™s very much appreciated!
Then I woke and the bed felt wonderful and I wasnâ€™t zonked from lack of sleep and I stretched like a cat and justÂ Â reveledÂ Â inÂ Â theÂ Â senseÂ Â of Â lightnessÂ Â aroundÂ Â me. Throughout the day, in spite of numerous cranky-making issues, I retained my lightness. None of the heaviness or doubt of theÂ past Â few Â days. Â Everything Â that Â had been plaguing me lifted at once. As if something had snapped.
Iâ€™d talked to Shannon about the sudden barrage of doubts and unfounded gloomy thoughts on a quick walk last night Â and Â she Â noted Â several Â a-ha Â moments Â of Â her own, all things sheâ€™d learned that day in her college psychology class, which she loves and devours.
She understood about all the wild dreams (she and herÂ sister have had them too or been zonked this week as well). She explained sleep cycles to me, mostly things Iâ€™ve heard before from doctors, but she diagnosed my zonkness this week with the lack of deep sleep. The constant weird-ass dreams kept me from getting any real rest.
Her second point related to hypnosis, another thing sheâ€™s been Â learningÂ about in class, and how the mindâ€™s â€œhidden observerâ€ is constant regardless of any influences that are overlaid. We talked about what it is I know with- out a doubt, what is constant for me, and what influences make me temporarily doubtful of everything around me.
Today, the heaviness was gone, and I felt more like the me Iâ€™ve been for the past few months, with the sense of contentment Â and Â purpose Â in spite of the occasional work pressure, family stress, or aggravation.
That was a good place to be, mentally, when I met with my mentor tonight. I had lots of progress to report and we worked on the Â specifics for several â€œstreams of incomeâ€ in the future, including how to produce a series of courses, some potential consulting work, and how to relate all these aspects into what will become my next career, as well as how to free up 2 weekdays a month to be- gin meeting with clients. The best part of all, though, was having a plan and talking through it.
I love planning. I absolutely do. I will never again listen to anyone Â who tells me not to plan, Â just to let the Gods put me where They will. I Â agree that I needed to wander for a while and figure out all the things I really do like and to recover the part of me Iâ€™d lost, but Iâ€™m more in tune now with what I love and who I am.
Iâ€™m going back to something in my â€œpastâ€ life that al- ways worked well for me, now that Iâ€™ve had such a major life course direction change. Â Iâ€™m going back to having a plan. It doesnâ€™t mean I have to know every little side road and the time Iâ€™ll intersect each. But I know where Iâ€™m going Â and some ways of getting there and ways to make things happen that Iâ€™m led to do. Iâ€™m an incredibly productive person but I need a planâ€”not necessarily as gospel, but as a guide. That feels really good. Â It Â feels purposeful.
I think I can come in now from my 40 years of wandering in the desert.