Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Contrast.
Iâ€™m mad at myself. I donâ€™t have any particular reason to be, but I am.
In fact, itâ€™s been a really good day. I was in charge of my whole Â organization Â today Â and Â nothing Â fell Â apartâ€” unless something happened after I took an extreeeeeeeemely late lunch at the end of the day. Iâ€™m always surprised whenever they let me be in charge, ever since my suggestion Â about Â replacing Â â€œCasual Â Fridayâ€ Â withÂ Â â€œSpandex Day.â€
I had a blast at the movies tonight and bought some â€œdating clothesâ€ as Shannon and I like to call them. You know, the sexy and feminine things I canâ€™t wear to work. (No spandex.)
I had Â a great Â meditation Â and Â made Â a yummy Â corn soufflÃ©. I made arrangements Â to get back on my exercise regimen since my knee seems to be up to trying out the leg extensions again.
The house is sparkly clean, though I have boxes of stuff to be put away in the halls and a ton of clean clothes ready for the closet. And I still Â have to re-organize Â the whole office and do some more painting, but Â the Â main part of the house, and my bedroom, look great. And the doors to the girlsâ€™ rooms are closed.
So letâ€™s see, that hits my â€œsectorsâ€ of work, fun, spirituality, Â health, Â home. Â And Â the Â fringes Â of Â the Â romance â€œsector,â€ Â if Â you Â countÂ Â shopping Â for Â potential Â social events.
And yet, Iâ€™m having a terrible time getting motivated to get my projects finished. I know exactly what I need to do and how to do it, but Â the muse isnâ€™t here this week and whereas I normally plow right on through the work with or without my muse, Iâ€™m perturbed that I just want to sleep instead and the creativity sector is not so hot at the moment.
It didnâ€™t help my disgust factor either that someone tonight applauded the scum-bucket doctor who wouldnâ€™t leave me alone several Â months ago and told me what a wonderful person he was, and all I could think about was what a liar this doc is. It bugs me that heâ€™s a psychiatrist and that he messes with peoplesâ€™ heads when his own is so messed Â up. Â He couldnâ€™t Â have a simple Â conversation with me without stringingÂ lie to Â lie to lie. Maybe thatâ€™s what the downturn was for the evening. I donâ€™t know. It rankled my sense of integrity to hear good things about someoneâ€™s public facade when I know the real man underneath the lies. Iâ€™m just glad I never went out with the guy. Then again, maybe it was just a reminder tonight that my standards are still in perfect working order.
And yet, Iâ€™m the one feeling deficient tonight. Iâ€™m being hard on myself, I know. I recognize that. I recognize, too, that this is the result of the emotional Â wringer over the past couple of months and that Â emotions Â have the biggest ill effect on creative pursuits.
But Iâ€™ll be glad when this feeling passes and when I can get some Â new stuff churned out. Later this week, I think, but not tonight.