Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Below.
Sometimes I feel like I should crawl into a hole and never attempt to have a relationship of any type with anybody.
Sometimes…. Â Well, Â probably Â more Â than Â just Â some- times.
Like it would be best if I didnâ€™t have any feelings at all because, damn it, feelings just seem to get in the way.
Like Iâ€™m just too far damaged by past relationships to have any hope for the future.
Sometimes the most hurtful things said or done pass unnoticed, Â and Â no Â one Â understands Â why Â they Â hurt Â so much and nothing seems like it will ever be bright again.
It had been a horrid day, but Iâ€™d been determined to salvage it. What I had planned to be a wonderful evening wasnâ€™t meant to be. I was already feeling vulnerable and a little anxious after writing a check for $30,000 to pay off the last Â of the Â home Â repairs, Â but Â instead Â of Â cautiously celebrating the end of an era, I ended up feeling ignored, unappreciated, taken advantage of, and angry. And thatâ€™s when the hyenas moved in for the kill.
They eat their prey alive.
Tonight, my confidence Â has been shaken more than anything and Â any way in the past several years. At first, not even for any reason that anyone can guess, but since the hyenas, I suddenly have no idea whatâ€™s real and whatâ€™s illusion or if thereâ€™s any truth to any of it.
If itâ€™s all trueâ€”or Â any part of it is trueâ€”then Â every- thing I have worked for is pointless.