Accepting the Gifts of the Law of Attraction
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Below.
For me, Â theÂ most Â important thing about Â keeping Â a journal is its usefulness Â for catharsis and personal archeologyâ€”that I can write through an issue and either purge it or lessen it somehow. The second most important thing about keeping a journal is that it becomes a record Â that can be studied later to note change and to analyze motivations, Â results, and what Â went wrong Â as wellÂ as what went Â right. Â And Â that Â makes Â understandingÂ Â Universals Laws and the Law of Attraction Â a real Â omigods experience.
As I was editing Third Degree of Separation and reading back Â over Â the Â proofs Â of Â Third Degree of Freedom, I Â kept looking at my experiences Â and the experiences Â of others under the lensÂ of the Law Â of Attraction. Â Some Â of the things Iâ€™ve seen in the past two years of journal-keeping make me sad. I wonâ€™t dwell on that sadness because I can use that knowledge now to make changes, but I will make the observations and document them. What I do see in observing Â my past observations Â is how we really do manifest our worst fears because thatâ€™s where we live. We have that pattern in our past and we expect and fear it in the future and so we mentally are in the past with it and in the future with it at the same time. All time is now, and itâ€™s fear and doubt all the time in the present.
I can look back at example after example in reading about my own life and what Iâ€™ve seen around me. People getting not what they want, but Â what they always worry about.
I see it quite a bit in careers. The people who constantly worry Â about not getting a promotion. The people who constantly worry about trouble in their jobs and how everything Â but everything Â will go wrong. The writers who worry constantly about never selling again or getting Â the editor Â from hell or getting bad reviews Â or not meeting deadlines.
I see it in relationships. Â The woman who constantly worries that Â sheâ€™ll Â lose her Â boyfriend, Â to theÂ extent Â of holding on so tightly that the other person runs screaming away. The people who worry about not being able to control their children or that their kids are always doing something bad, to the extent Â of treating Â their kids like theyâ€™ve already Â done something bad. The guy who worries Â that Â heâ€™s Â a Â fuck-up Â and Â if Â something Â good, Â really good, comes along, Â heâ€™ll just mess it up because Â thatâ€™s what heâ€™s always done, what he always does, and what heâ€™ll always Â doâ€¦and goes on to fulfill that prophecy in every imaginable way that it would be funny if it werenâ€™t so tragic.
I see it in money Â issues. The people who focus on how Â they Â never Â have Â enough Â money Â and Â how Â theyâ€™ll never get out from under their debts. The list goes on and on.
I look back over some of the things Iâ€™ve really wanted in the past two years that didnâ€™t happen. They came very, very Â close. Â With Â the Â advantage Â of Â hindsight Â and Â new knowledge, I can see now how terribly close they came to fruition, within minutes or even a few feet! I never would have guessed then how close certain dreams were before I shoved them away without realizing it. I was expecting them, believing in them, excited about those goals being fulfilled. Then fear and doubt would be introduced.
The fear usually came from the past. I knew what pat- terns Iâ€™d been entrenched in. I didnâ€™t know how anything different looked. It took time to learn a new way and re- program into a new pattern. The fears were usually more of an internal alarm, though outside influences could certainly introduce Â them to me. The doubts, on the other hand, usually came from outside and seeped deep to my core. Â I Â could Â be Â so Â sure Â of Â something Â and Â then Â hear someone elseâ€™s â€œmore knowledgeableâ€ Â (or so I Â thought) advice about their own experiences and patterns with the same subject, and Iâ€™d begin to doubt. Looking back, I see now that many, many times, I was within a few hours of having Â somethingÂ Â I Â really Â wanted Â and Â I Â allowed Â my doubts to shove it away. Too many times, I let other peopleâ€™s doubts push it away in the name of â€œbeing realisticâ€ or â€œI donâ€™t want to see you get hurt or disappointedâ€ or even â€œItâ€™s wrong of you to want that.â€
My past fears and patterns helped to pull those doubts to me from outside sources. The past made me very open to any and Â every Â doubtful Â thought Â floating Â around! Â So there I was, trying so hard Â and working so hard for all these dreams, and at the same time pushing Â them away with doubt.
Back in the mid-90â€™s, I met a clairvoyant at a writerâ€™s conference in West Palm Beach. She was a larger woman with reddish-blonde hair and wore blue clothes the shade of a robinâ€™s egg. As striking as she was in her appearance, it was her eyes that were so piercing and ethereal. She had some Â free time Â and so we chatted for almost an hour about writing and human Â development. As I started to leave, she handed me a book and asked if it Â was some- thing I might like. It was a book on writersâ€™ marketsâ€” where Â to Â sell Â your Â fiction Â and Â magazine Â articlesâ€”that someone had left behind, saying they didnâ€™t need it any- more. The book Â was Â expensiveâ€”about Â $40 thenâ€”and one Iâ€™d been wanting.
â€œWould you like to have this?â€ the woman asked me.
I hesitated. I really did want it. But even when she explained how the book had come to her and how she had no interest in it except to pass it on, I still hesitated. I didnâ€™t want to feel obligated. I didnâ€™t want to take something she might want. I didnâ€™t want to take something someone else might want or need more than I did. I could surely find the book later and buy it in a bookstore at full price. I didnâ€™t feel comfortable accepting the gift.
â€œYou know, Lorna,â€ she said. â€œYou work so hard to make so many things happen for yourself, and then when the Universe offers them Â to you, you donâ€™t take them. Can you simply Â accept Â a gift as a reward Â for your Â efforts?â€
I took a deep breath and accepted Â the book with a simple â€œThank you.â€ A simple thing, but so hard for me to do. I donâ€™t think Iâ€™d ever done that before. That memory has stuck with me for years, but itâ€™s still, even recognizing it, been hard.
I am finallyâ€¦nowâ€¦learning to accept gifts.