What Iâ€™ve Learned from Blogging
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.
Defy your past? Thatâ€™s rightâ€”defy it.
A pox on all those people who tell you to â€œembrace your past.â€ Â Embracing Â it doesnâ€™t Â do anything but keep you trapped in old patterns that no longer serve you.
Look, weâ€™re all a little messed up. Itâ€™s part of being human. No one makes it to adulthood without taking on some of the darknesses Â from Â our families Â and carrying those shadows into our future. Yes, your Â mom lived vicariously through you. No, your dad really didnâ€™t give you enough Â encouragement. Â Maybe Â there Â were Â lies, Â crime, abandonment, abuse, some sort of pain way back there in the past. It happens to all of us, whether we acknowledge it or not. And we can blame the not-so-good Â things in our lives on our pasts or we can look withinâ€”hard, up- closeâ€”and shine a light on our shadows to dispel them.
Part of looking at who we are and what it takes to make us the best â€œusâ€ we can be Â is Â recognizing Â patterns in our Â lives. Â We live those patterns, even if theyâ€™re really, really bad for us. Â We do it because theyâ€™re comfortable, even if they hurt. Â We do it because theyâ€™re familiar, and familiar Â isnâ€™t Â as scary as Â breaking Â free of Â everything we know and jumping out there into the unknown where we think things might be even worse.
When I was writing Dark Revelations, so much of that feeling came out in Aubrey: the sense of being trapped in a holding Â pattern and yearning for a future thatâ€™s been stolen and not know how to get to it, so choosing instead to live in the past.
A Â counselor Â recommendedÂ Â I Â start Â blogging Â as Â a â€œhealing journal.â€ Today, about half a million words later, Iâ€™m Â still Â blogging. Â Iâ€™d Â thought Â for Â certain Â that Â Iâ€™d Â be â€œhealedâ€ in a few Â months Â and then Â my Â journal Â would cease, Â but Â the Â need Â for Â healing Â went Â deeper Â than Â I thought, and although Iâ€™m in a much better place in my life now, Iâ€™m Â still finding daily insights into human dynamics, relationshipsâ€¦life.
Itâ€™s been through blogging that Iâ€™ve really discovered myself Â andÂ Â worked Â through Â my Â issues Â to Â purge Â old wounds and accept that I Â deserve good things, that itâ€™s okay to be angry as long as I donâ€™t hold it inside in an un- healthy way, that I love very deeply, and that some things I will not up with, ever again. Blogging is how I discovered all the patterns in my life that I followed without realizing Â I Â could Â do Â something Â different Â that Â made Â me happy. Â Through Â blogging, Â Iâ€™veÂ Â learned Â about Â myself, about life, aboutâ€¦love.
My blogging Â has always been very personal. Â I donâ€™t separate the person from the author. Sometimes Â my en- tries are funny, poignant, angry, grieving, and a little nuts. I let people see the deep stuff, the raw stuff, the real stuff. I donâ€™t hide it. The interesting Â thing is how many Â peopleâ€”both men and womenâ€”come Â back to me and say, â€œYouâ€™re Â writing about my lifeâ€ or â€œI know exactly how you feel because Iâ€™m going through the same thing.â€
But that speaks to the universality of the human experience, doesnâ€™t it? How much we really are alike underneath?
And if weâ€™re really that much alike underneath, then I think we all have something to learn from looking at the patterns we live by, seeing it they serve us well or hold us back, and challenging ourselves to find a better future. If only we dare to defy our pasts.