Variances of Dreams
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.
Since I was 14, Iâ€™ve had different types of dreams. Some are a hodge-podge Â of daily life…just mundane things or fear dreams or simply recounting the day.
Some Â are Â propheticâ€”that Â first Â happened Â with Â my cousin Terriâ€™s unexpected death when I was 14, followed by the death of her child, in Â which I was at her funeral and later at her babyâ€™s funeral. The dreams used to scare me because Â they Â usually Â foretold Â a deathÂ the next Â day (worst case, 3 days)that I could do nothing about because I was a kid.
And then Â later, Â well Â into Â my Â 30â€™s, Â I started having dreams that were informative, metaphorical dreams, such as a dream that shows me that someone is keeping some- thing from me for a particular Â reason and Â my subconscious shows it to me and helps me to realize what I otherwise would deny.
All three Â types of dreams Â are very, Â very Â specific Â in their â€œfeel.â€ I canâ€™t describe what I mean by â€œfeel,â€ just that I know what it is and how it is. The meditation in my previous entry and the dreams Iâ€™ve described in my private friends-only Â post are different. These are absolutely as if Iâ€™ve been dropped into someone elseâ€™s dreamsâ€”and not in a pleasingÂ way. I have enough Â awareness of my dream life and subconscious to know whatâ€™s different.
These are structured in a different way that donâ€™t feel like my normal dreams or meditations at all. The information in them is wrong, often. Out of date more so than just wrong. Thereâ€™s enough factually Â bad Â information to be aware in the dreams that theyâ€™re wrong. Itâ€™s not a matter of just accepting the reality thatâ€™s presented in the dream and moving right along with it. I know itâ€™s wrong when the dreams comes. The annoying thing is that I have to wake myself up, but I have a plan for Â that. Yet at the same time, itâ€™s rather amusing how bad the info is. People who have broken up are together. People whoâ€™ve werenâ€™t together but are now are still trying to get together. Theyâ€™re populated with people I Â donâ€™t know but would if I met them in a dream, like someone who claims to be a name- less classmate Â from school or a colleague Â I havenâ€™t seen in Â years Â but Â often Â talk Â about. Â If Â either Â of Â those Â two showed up in a dream, Iâ€™d recognize them, most likely by them looking as they did when I last saw them. Thatâ€™s the norm for my dreams.
I am in locations Â Iâ€™ve never been in. Theyâ€™re generic to an extent and then thereâ€™ll be a school building thatâ€™s utterly unfamiliar, followed by a garden thatâ€™s unfamiliar, followed by a living room thatâ€™s unfamiliar, followed by a rural churchyard Â thatâ€™s unfamiliar. Â This is all unusual for my dreams.
The people in the dreams donâ€™t feel right either. They have to tell Â me Â who they are because I donâ€™t recognize them. They, in fact, go to Â great lengths to tell me who they Â are. Â But Â really, Â would Â my Â college Â roommate Â ever show up in a dream not looking anything like herself and say, Â â€œHi, Â Iâ€™m Â your Â old Â college Â roommateâ€”honestâ€? Rather than saying her name, which no one whoâ€™s known me in the past year knows Â or Â has heard me say? Thatâ€™s never happened in my dreams before. And Â the thing is, when they tell me who theyâ€™re supposed Â to be, I donâ€™t believe them. Because they generally donâ€™t look anything like the person theyâ€™re claiming to be. And even if they do lookÂ physically Â the Â same, Â the Â energy Â isnâ€™t Â theirs. Â They look the same but the eyes betray them. Their words be- tray them as well. People who are loving and supportive in my Â life (or were many months ago when the dreams were still Â â€œin-dateâ€) Â are Â giving Â me Â horrible Â advice Â that they would never give in real life. Their Â actions, movements, gestures are not consistent with the real people either. I know on so many levels that theyâ€™re not whom they would have me believe they are.
These dreams are overwhelmingly Â negative and seem to be for the Â purpose of filling me with sudden doubt, fear, anxiety, almost as if the hope is for me to see how everything I hope for and wish for is utterly Â bound for failure with no hope of salvage. These are the most discouraging dreams Â Iâ€™ve ever had in my life. Funny Â that theyâ€™d appear all in the same couple of nights and when Iâ€™m feeling more positive about the future than Iâ€™ve felt in years.
These Â dreamsÂ Â are Â uncharacteristicallyÂ Â bloody Â and gory. Iâ€™m not Â a fan of horror movies for good reason. Things the actors…hmmm, Â yes, Â actors…in Â these dreams show Â me Â are Â related Â to Â specific Â information Â that Â Iâ€™ve never been privy to, except for know who has and the surface of the experience.
But something interesting is occurring in each of these dreams. Itâ€™s as if theyâ€™ve been structured to tell me a certain scenario of failure. The infrastructure is set…someone claiming to be someone I care about shows up, identifies himself or herself, â€œprovesâ€ who they are by giving me out-of-date info, doesnâ€™t not carry the energy of the per- son they claim to be, and then begin to tell me who bad everything is, how I will fail, how I have lost the things I want most, how the people I love hate me Â or how Iâ€™ve hurt themâ€”often Â in ways that would never happen and in scenarios that are not true, such as Shannonâ€™s grades.
Initially, I honor the dream-form they claim to be and start to hear Â them out, even when Iâ€™m already thinking, somethingâ€™s wrong here or this isnâ€™t right. But they always push to a point where I question and realize whatâ€™s going on. They try to convince me to do things that people who love Â me would never do, such as giving up dreams and going back to things Â that held me back before. I rebel. They turn mean then. Turn on me.
Thatâ€™s the Â point Â where Â I Â usually Â wake Â up Â or Â walk away.
Maybe itâ€™s time for me to turn and fight in my dreams. I am, after all, not helpless. Iâ€™ve just chosen not to fight on that turf. Not yet.