No Wine Before Itâ€™s Time
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.
Iâ€™m making huge progress tonight on finishing a special project Â thatâ€™sÂ been floating Â around for over a year now. In fact, it should have been done a year ago, but for some reason, it was delayed.
I didnâ€™t understand it then. Why the delay after all that wonderful effort? It was so meant to be! And yet, things kept it from happening on the time schedule I wanted.
Whatâ€™s happened in the past year is that some new information has come along that Iâ€™ve added to the work- in-progress Â that Â Iâ€™d Â thoughtÂ Â wasÂ Â the Â work-that-had- progressed-to-done. Â And Â what Â Iâ€™ve Â added Â makes Â it Â a stronger result, with longer-lasting effects.
I guess it was still fermenting.
I took a short break tonight and suddenly realized that itâ€™s a Friday night. I had not even considered anything social Â tonight, Â though Â I Â enjoyed Â last Â nightâ€™s Â mind-puzzle movie, The Prestige. But because Â I played Â last night, Â that meant working tonight to get this project out the door on Monday.
So I was caught off-guard by the realization that Iâ€™m into the weekend and hadnâ€™t made any plans whatsoever other than home and project stuff. Thereâ€™s a mind-set my generation Â has Â that Â you Â should Â be Â â€œoutâ€ Â on Â a Â Friday night, or if not, resting up for your big Saturday Â night. Sometimes that seeps through and surprises me.
I donâ€™t know which bugs me moreâ€”that Iâ€™m not out and about and being social on a weekend night or that I didnâ€™t even think about it.
Thatâ€™s when I sometimes Â get this quiet but definitive wave of wishing I had a partner on this Friday night to sit with under Â the stars Â and Â listen to night Â birdsÂ and talk aboutâ€¦everythingâ€¦and Â end up making out in the grass or snuggling in the hammock.
The devil on my shoulder Â whispers to check out the men online or just call someone but with a few cleansing breaths, I can usually regain my Â serenity and skewer the little bastard on my shoulder. The online dating sites are definitely not for me, not any more than the bar-and-club scene. I really donâ€™t think Iâ€™m going to find anyone special hanging out in any of those meat markets, and even attempts at male friends on line have, for the most part, been disappointing.
Guys donâ€™t seem to understand that when I say Iâ€™m looking for Â friends, I mean I am looking for people to talk to about common Â ground Â and share experiences as friends and without the romantic trappings or any intent of sex, ever. The guys who say theyâ€™re looking for friends mean theyâ€™re looking for someone to have sex with without the romance and without any semblance of a relation- ship. Friendship equals no-strings sex? Oh. Talk about a major misunderstanding and disgust on both our parts. I clearly Â did not understand Â the definition Â of friendship, but thatâ€™s my romantic side, I suppose.
But Â the Â occasionalÂ Â bout Â of Â lonelinessÂ Â is Â still Â not enough for me to settle for less than I desire in a partner, even if that means it takes a while.
Still, Iâ€™m making huge progress on finding someone special Â enough, Â even Â though Â that Â ideaâ€™s Â been Â floating around for a couple of Â years now, since my divorce. In fact, I would have thought I would have been done finding someone special a year ago or more, but for some reason, it was delayed.
I didnâ€™t understand it then. Why the delay after all that wonderful effort? I know Iâ€™m not meant to be alone. Iâ€™m too loving not to share it. Â And yet, things kept it from happening on the time schedule I wanted.
Whatâ€™s happened in the past year or two is that some new experiences have come along that Iâ€™ve added to me, the work-in-progress that Iâ€™d thought was the work-that- had-progressed-to-done. And Iâ€™m sure that the partner I long for has been going through his own unique growth experiences.Â Â And Â what Â weâ€™ve Â added Â will Â make Â for Â a stronger Â result, Â with Â longer-lasting Â effects. Â Iâ€™m Â feeling really good about where I am now and what Iâ€™ve learned and how far Iâ€™ve come.
But wherever my partner is, I guess he is still fermenting, too.