Meditation Work: The Unwanted

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Truth.

At the last   Full Moon,  I  visited  my own “metaphysical” house while  meditating.  Apparently  so did a lot of people, including someone pretending  to be helpful. It was this meditation that tipped me off to this person’s intent-or  at least  subconsciously  helped me to put it all together  and figure  out this  person’s  motives weren’t so sweet.

The man in my dreams had come to my metaphysical home for a visit, which is fair, I suppose, considering I’ve visited his “house” on three recent occasions. We reconnect in a group of strangers and acquaintances  and have plans to share a ride back to my metaphysical home butas usually happens the minute I give him the freedom to come  and go as he pleases-someone  else grabs him and hauls him off to do their bidding. We agree, however, to meet up at my metaphysical house and then the two of us will leave together to spend time alone in deep conversation.

We arrive separately  at the same location. I have my car and I’m  driving.  He, for some reason,  isn’t driving and  is a passenger  in  someone  else’s  car.  But  I know when I drive up that he’s already here.

Before I can exit my car, a woman I know is at my side, offering  to help. I’m in tall heels, spikes, and they sink and catch in the front lawn. The girls rush to me and tell me that the man is inside, ready and waiting, looking for me. I tell them I’m on my way, but the woman holds out a helping hand.

She leads me along the crescent of the lawn, spinning me on m heels, three times. I tell her to stop, that I need to go inside immediately to find this man.

But she laughs and spins me until I fall to the ground.

I look up at this woman and see that she has aged to long gray hair and deep wrinkles. She is horrified by the sudden sucking away of her youth at the same time I realize that she is intentionally spinning me around to keep me from focusing on what I want to do and where I want to be. It’s an eye-opener but not soon enough.

Shannon appears and tells me that the man is looking for me and thinks I’ve given up on him this time. I haven’t. I rise to my feet and fall down again, too dizzy to stay upright.

At last I’m able to stand. My girls help me to my feet and  I try  to  run  toward  the  house  but  I can’t  walk  a straight  line. Even  before  I  regain  my equilibrium,  I’m bursting into the house.

The house  is full.  Friends,  family,  colleagues.  It’s  a busy and social place, full of ideas and activity. There are people there I  haven’t see in years. But I don’t see the man I’m looking for.

I scan the house. Nothing.

I’m told he’s gone outside to look for me, that he believes I’ve left this place, given up or no longer caring to join him alone in conversation.

I stumble  down  the  back  door  steps,  as they  were when I was growing  up and not as they  are since  my mom built the back porch she’s always wanted.

I squint toward the orchard across the pasture and see the man taking  a last, longing look in my direction and getting  into  someone  else’s  car  as  a  passenger  to  be driven elsewhere  this night. Without  me. We’ve  missed each other.

I look back in anger at the woman who held my focus too long, but she’s gone now, withered away to nothingness.  She  has  nothing  left.  No  family,  no  mate,  no friends, no dreams, and no me either. She’s vapor.

I missed  my  one-on-one  time  with the  man  in my dreams this night, but I saw someone’s  intent I hadn’t seen before, and I know she will never again be effective in throwing me off-balance.