Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Truth.
Sometimes I really enjoy it when people tell me I’m wrong. They’re so insistent…they leave me laughing hysterically.
See, I live in the Florida Panhandle. It’s remote, with lots of white beaches and emerald-green water, and it’s usually where people prefer to see hurricanes go because it’s less populated (gee, 
thanks), though it’s getting rather crowded.
Some people refer to it as “Lower Alabama.” Some travel maps in the past have forgotten to include anything but the peninsula of Florida as the state.
In the last presidential election, CNN and the major news broadcasting organizations didn’t realize we were over here in the Panhandle and announced the winning candidate for the state an hour before our polls closed, which caused some locals on their way to vote to go home instead or to leave the voting lines they’d been standing in. We didn’t have problems here with voting machines, just the media.
But every now and then, I have a conversation with someone who tells me I’m dead wrong. For example….
Me: Hello?
Idiot: Hi, Lorna. Is this a good time? You said whatever I did, not to call before 8.
Me: Um, sure. (yawn) You’re a little early but let me just get my notes.
Idiot: Early? It’s 8:05.
Me: Actually, it’s 7:05, but if you give me a minute to get my notes, we can proceed.
Idiot: No, your clock’s wrong. It’s 8:05.
Me: Really? (checking watch, checking cell phone, checking clock on wall, checking computer clock—all in one sweeping glance) No. It’s 7:05. I’m sure of it. 7:06 now.
Idiot: All your clocks are wrong? That’s weird.
Me: Um, where are you calling from?
Idiot: Ohio. Why? (No offense to all the non-idiots in
Ohio.)
Me: Ah. You’re on Eastern time. I’m on central time.
Idiot: No, you’re not.
Me: Excuse me?
Idiot: You’re on Eastern time.
Me: No, I’m not.
Idiot: Yes, you are. You’re in Florida.
Me: (sigh) I’m in the Panhandle of Florida. We’re on Central time.
Idiot: No, you’re not. Florida’s on Eastern time. Don’t you know what time zone you live in?
Me: I’ve lived here for 20 years.
Idiot: And you don’t know what zone you’re in?
Me: Do you?
Idiot: Yes! Everybody knows that Florida’s on Eastern time! I’m sure of it!
Me: Well, okay, you’re probably right. I mean, I just live here.
Idiot: Okay, we’ll let’s talk business.
So…do you think I signed a contract with him?
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