It’s been at least a dozen years since I was first introduced to Stephen Covey’s THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE but I had forgotten his theories on dependence to independence to interdependence until someone read them to me recently in context of our work environment. I was still teasing my colleague about why, if we’re all so effective, we’ve come up with only one additional habit in all this time when I suddenly saw Covey’s theories from the point of view of romantic relationships instead of career relationships.
I can’t explain this whole strange sense of where I am right now. I dated a good bit in March, ran screaming back to my cave in April, dated very pleasantly in May, retreated back to my cave in June to figure out my feelings on how deeply I wanted to get involved, dated A LOT in July but was cancelling dates by the end of the month because they all seemed so wounded and needy and I couldn’t get enthusiastic about any of them. In August, it was just too effing hot to date (no kidding!) and I was too busy making some major life decisions and dealing with family crises. Much of the autumn was an all talk and no action, with things just sorta rumbling along but with no one to entice my enthusiasm and with me being more excited about my creative projects than meeting anyone new–and that’s not been a bad thing at all. By December, men were coming out of the woodwork again.
I guess the last twelve months have been an interesting time of transition because I FEEL like I’m on the verge of a major relationship. Twelve months ago, I just wanted to take it easy and enjoy myself. No pressure, no rush, just having fun with no intentions of physical involvement unless I felt a really strong connection. Somewhere in there, I started rounding up to the number of years since my divorce, when asked, and found that apparently when you reach three years, you expire as a good potential mate–in other words, if you’ve been “on the market” for three years, then there must be something wrong with you, and if you’ve been actively dating a variety of men for more than a few months and haven’t settled into a relationship, then there must be something wrong with you. Funny, but I never even thought in those terms…though other people certainly do and don’t mind voicing their judgment.
A Reverence for Trees — an emotional short read about love, healing, and a little magic. Available direct from the author →
Interdependence, to me, is when two people can be independent but intertwine their independence. It’s not the same as two dependent, needy people coming together and clinging to each other. It’s the process of getting through the healing and truly being whole again so that you’re not looking for your “other half” but for your “other sphere.”
And I think that’s rare as hell, but I kinda like things that are rare.
A short, emotional read about love, healing, and magic, complete in one sitting.
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