Long-Distance Relationships, Says the Tarot, and Why That’s Just Fine

A few favorite cards from Raven Grimassi and Stephanie Taylor Grimassi’s The Well-Worn Path deck

I have a lot of friends who read Tarot cards–and every last one of them is pretty good at it!   Invariably, when we get together, we somehow end up drooling over the beautiful artwork of the newest deck among us and “throwing cards” for each other.  Whether we do this separately or in groups, it always turns into a brainstorming session where there are new insights to be discovered in how we’re approaching our own peculiar situations.  I’ve noticed that no matter how many different groups and how many different readings, certain trends tend to emerge.

An extremely talented psychic who uses multiple decks of cards in his readings once told me that almost every reading he does falls into one of two categories and rarely does he see anything remotely differently.  They’re either about romance/relationships or they’re about–to a lesser degree–job/money/career situations.  These seem to be the two most important questions on seekers’ minds, and I can attest to that, based on the questions and interest my articles and books on the Law of Attraction receive and what people most want to attract into their lives.

When I was married and trying to get my writing career off the ground, my questions were always about…of course…my writing career.   When I was single and trying to figure out what my heart wanted now, my questions were about romance and relationships.  That’s rather typical, I suppose, that you’re more acutely aware of what you don’t have currently but would like to achieve.  These are those “rockets of desire” that Abraham-Hicks talks about in their Law of Attraction books.  My questions for the past year have been a mix of both as I’ve tried to navigate where it is I next want to go with my career and creative work as well as feeling the pull toward partnering up in a long-term relationship

The work issue comes up occasionally for me, and the readings are always very similar:  huge shake-ups–to the core–in my Department of Defense career field but with me being in a good place.  All that turbulence around me but I’m okay, happy even, and finding more and more balance between the day job with the nice paycheck and the creative work, like here at The Spiritual Eclectic or writing novels I love.  Regardless of which friend is reading, which deck is being used, where the reading takes place, or the date of the reading, this has been the trend over the past year, but with an ever increasing smoothing out for me in terms of my own path, even though the path is jagged all around me and drops off into nothingness at times for others.

The similarities in readings related to my romantic life have been even more remarkable.  They all reflect each other well, and there are rarely any surprises, although some interesting new developments are now showing on the horizon.  Throughout the past year, the theme that has emerged prominently has been one of “romance at a distance.”   Quite accurate for this past year.  Every man in my life was either already living hundreds of miles away or living close-by but deployed/moved within a few months of our meeting.  One, a young Navy Seal demi-god named Tyler, left for a sudden new assignment two weeks after our first date, though neither of us knew it when we met.  The only local romantic interest who didn’t leave the area during the year was away on business far more than he was at home.  So the repeated readings of “romance at a distance”–a term used independently by several readers–proved to be accurate.  It was also the fluidity I needed to get me through a year of much change and regeneration when I knew I didn’t need to be in a more settled relationship.

I was sure last fall that one of my relationships was going to be going into a higher spin–and not certain which one either–when Lord Midlight read for me, looking at a six-month period that ends today.  I had met someone new and interesting over the summer and the first words out of his mouth were, “I”m back from the desert and I’m not going anywhere.”  I knew absolutely that this man was going to be in my life through the late summer and autumn months.  Lord Midlight told me, without batting an eye, that these six months would be filled with “romance at a distance” and that I’d be perfectly content with it that way.  And…I was.  The new guy had too much baggage and though I tried off and on for five months to create a good connection with him, it fizzled until there was no fizz left.  Though it was an active dating period for me and I had some grand times with consistently sweet and sexy young men, my real romantic spice was with someone who was seldom in  town.  Little things happened between us that really endeared him to me, fulfilling my feelings of a higher spin in one of my relationships. Lord Midlight and the others who’d read for me over the autumn months were all right–romance at a distance but very hot when it was in town. And, with him, though I wanted to see him more often, I really liked our relationship the way it was.

The most recent readings I’ve had have all continued to show that trend, all repeating that same phrase:  “Lots of romance coming 2010, in a big way, and solidifying later in the year but at a distance–and you’ll be perfectly content with it that way.”

They’ve all found it necessary to point out that not only will I have a fulfilling relationship that has some aspect of physical distance between us, but that I’m–gasp!–okay with it that way.  There’s always some hint of confusion that I could be content if I’m not with someone 24/7.  The readers’ own filters become obvious as they, in light of their own relationships, don’t quite understand the contented nature I could find in one at a distance.

Having this pointed out to me so frequently over the past year, and especially over the past month or so, I’ve been thinking more about it and about what I want in a relationship.  Though I’m feeling more and more of the pull toward a long-term partnership as all sorts of things line up in my astrological transits–various Juno transits and conjunctions, Juno conjunct Vertex, solar return focuses on the fourth-fifth-seventh houses, progressed chart configurations–there’s a part of me that rebels.  I realized this only last night under circumstances that might make other women feel a little lonely or upset or needy.

I was alone in my home.  My daughter was out at a photo shoot.  Of the two men I had expected to see over the weekend, one had an adverse reaction to the H1N1 flu shot and the other had an obligation to his child.  Friends I’d hoped to spend some time with were out of town. My other daughter was busily finishing a task for her psychology research lab and didn’t have time to talk.  Even my 80-year-old mom was out checking on a sick friend and wasn’t available when I called.  I was most definitely alone and going to be that way for the evening.

But instead of feeling lonely–at all–I relished my time alone, my independence, my home with its jasmine incense burning and candles flickering and the aroma of dinner cooking in the oven.  There was a very sweet feeling in my house and I was content with it.  I also cranked out a ton of creative work that I enjoyed every second of.  I took a break and sat down to dinner and a Netflix episode of Torchwood and that’s when it hit me.  If I had a man in the house full-time, he’d be playing video games or watching TV or listening to distracting music while I was working on this particular night and would expect me by his side for the evening, even it I was more enthralled with my own work.  The truth is, for as much as I like having a man in my home, I like my alone-time, too.    So I’m perfectly content with having a great time with a guy when he’s around but I’m also content when he goes off and does his own thing–his job, his creative work, his friends, his athletics–and leaves me to mine.  I also had to wonder if maybe my enjoyment of my alone-time is an energy that pushes away having a live-in mate because I’m secretly not wanting to give up that part of me again as I did for so many years when I was married with small children and two careers at the same time.

These aren’t things we’re supposed to admit to a romantic partner–“I adore you but could you please go play with your friends for a little while now and let me have some me-time?”–and my last few romantic partners became defensive no matter how sweetly or logically I put it.  It’s strange even to admit it to myself because it’s a delicate balance.  However, my Tarot-reading friends have forced me to confront this part of myself that says I must, for my own sanity, hold aside a part of myself to relish just being me and me alone.  The rest of the time, I can be deliciously emotionally merged with someone but yes, there must be a little safe-room there for me to take sanctuary in and it’s in no way a rejection of anyone I care for.  Instead, it’s an affirmation of my caring for my own SELF.

So yeah, romance?  Bring it.  And if he’s not around 24/7  to hover over me or get underfoot, well, I guess I’ll just be content about having it that way.

Flying By Night novel