Is this Message for You? (Dark Days, Lunar Eclipse, August 2008)
Photo by macxbebe; creative commons license.
Is this message for you? As my long-time readers know, I occasionally feel the need to give someone a “message.” Often I don’t understand the urge to write these words and have no idea what I’ll say until it’s on the screen in front of me or who it is that needs to read it. Sometimes I know who it’s for. Just as often, it turns out to be for many of my readers, and that just validates (to me) the universality of the human experience. I no longer question the illogical nature of some of the messages I deliver but write it anyway. If it’s not meant for you, don’t worry about it. If it is, you’ll know it.
I know that these are dark times for you. Dark times and dangerous days. While others are taking the opportunity to stretch to find ways of “rising above” their situations today, August 16, 2008 with the lunar eclipse as a reminder of how things may seem dark but the light returns, you can see only the darkness. You see only loss, sacrifice, injustice, impotence.
You no longer see the light in yourself or those around you, and at the moment, every spark of feeling loved is gone. You are not able to rise above, surf, sail through the air, be happy. You are not even on the deep and powerful river I often see in my dreams, the one in my meditations that I write of. You’re in a far different place. I see it as a moat from Medieval times, a repository for sewage. You are walking on the bottom of the moat, unable to see above, let alone lift your head out for a breath of fresh air. You are so far down in the muck today, and if you will reach out for help, it will be there for you, and from places you’d never expect. There are those who will pull you up, but not until you decide you no longer like the taste of shit and you’re ready to climb out of this life you’ve built for yourself; this is not the life you intended, but it is the life you expected. It’s time to realize your worth and fight for what you really want.
You are in this situation now because of choices you made. Even things that aren’t your own doing are things you brought to youself because of past patterns you have not yet broken, and now they are breaking you instead. This time….these next few months…and especially these next few days…will be critical to the rest of your life. Now is the time for you to decide your worth because if you cannot decide now, your dreams are lost. If you allow other people to determine your worth, then you will never know how much you can be.
You’ve lived with sorrow, confusion, and uncertainty for too long. You’ve lost yourself and you are now losing all the trappings of who you once were. You have been deceived, by yourself as much as by anyone else. Maybe it’s easier for you to take the blame yourself or easier to blame someone else. Neither case will move you forward out of the muck. This is a time of fear and restriction for you, when you see everything you’ve worked for wither before your eyes, especially your own reputation. There is no point in trying to explain yourself or defend yourself or prove yourself to most people. However right you may or may not be or however hard you try. They will not hear it. They have already chosen, whether they know you or not. Spending your energy to prove yourself to people who will never be open minded, let alone open hearted, is wasteful. The best you can do is to break your old patterns and show by your actions as you move forward, out of the muck, that you are still a person of integrity. It will take time for your integrity to be seen again, but you will know it, feel it, first. Later, the others–even the ones who doubt you so much now–will see it, just like light coming back after an eclipse and then they won’t be able to imagine the darkness of moments ago.
What started as a noble plan to protect others, save others, help others has ended in failure. You know this. You don’t have to admit it to anyone but yourself. For now, you have to take a stand–for yourself. You have to fight for yourself and not let your deep wounds cause you to lose faith or to give in to the will of others. You must take care of yourself first, heal yourself first. It’s like the airline attendant says, “In case of emergency, put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then on others.”
But while it’s time to stand up for yourself and what you really want out of life, you must be careful these next few days. Standing up for yourself will bring tremendous ego conflicts, ones that can be physically dangerous, both to you and for you. This is true Scorpionic energy at its worst, and it can have life or death consequences. You must find that balance between standing up for yourself and taking care to protect yourself against those who do not have your best interests at heart. Be careful of violence.
You have the opportunity to turn this hell around, though the results will not look like the heaven you thought you were getting yourself into way back when. You can pick up the pieces and recreate yourself and your life the way you always wanted. It’s time to save yourself. Just because you’re a tragic figure right now doesn’t mean you have to remain that way.