The Most Damaging Missile to a Relationship

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree and Rising.

The deejay was keeping us tuned in via a list of the top ten most damaging things a couple (or really, any two people) can do to each other in a relationship. It was aimed more at love relationships, but most of the list fit with friendships and business partnerships as well.


They did the usual—fighting over money, fighting over children, cheating.

But there was one that stood out to me, probably because it’s not usually on the list people give when they explain why they’re leaving a partner.

It’s the things people say in the heat of anger. Sometimes things come out that they would never say otherwise. Once said, those things can’t be taken back, and too often, they’re an indicator of true feelings that have been tamped down.

Sure, the other person feels good to expel that poison, but when it hits you, it’s like acid eating away at your affections. The confounding thing is that they often feel much better once they’ve spewed vileness and then they wonder why you’re feeling angry or depressed when they’re just fine.

As one who has most often taken a deep breath and counted to ten so that I didn’t utter something destructive, I’ve left relationships like that feeling that I really needed to be more argumentative. That’s not it either, exactly, but if you’re involved with someone who enjoys spewing venom, then I think you need to be equally skilled. You can always walk away but the sound of their voice still follows.

Life Coaching Tips

Yeah, I’m thinking of forgoing any more dates this month. I’m just not fond of people who enjoy sticking pins in their partners. Maybe in May. I need a little time to catch my breath.


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