Attitude Adjustment: I Want to be Won Over

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree and Rising.

Though my ventures into the D/s side of life, emphasis on the D, have yet to yield the right person to keep my feet warm at night, the potential is there in a way that I’ve found nowhere else.


And yes, having my bare feet held is a personal quirk that has an ultimately grounding, comforting, “stilling” effect on my nervous system. Something akin to snug swaddling clothes on a baby to quiet the fretting.

I am consistently amazed at the gentle knights out there who appeal to my sense of romance without being the callous-hearted Alpha hero of historical novels, who are loyal and listen openly to what I have to say, who are successful and prosperous businessmen and artists, and who are really fine specimens of male athletes. Not all of them, but the percentage is significantly higher than in the vanilla world. All men who want to win me over.

Most of all, these men are the most educated and most intelligent I’m meeting, exceeding my usual expectations of engineers and rocket scientists, who tend to be a higher rung of intelligence though a little dull on the creative side. Yes, the slightly-to-moderately submissive men I’m meeting are the most mentally stimulating, which I’ve found is so incredibly important to me—and verbal intelligence is usually the one of my criteria that separates the whee from the chafe.

I am far more likely to love a man for his mind than for any of his appendages.

These men will craft poetry and songs for me—always endearing—and write long, lovely letters full of words with multiple syllables in hopes of winning my attention. That’s special. Vanilla men? Their sense of pursuit is a chest-beating “Yawanna fuck?”

That just doesn’t win me over. And not that the poems and deep discussion have won me over yet with the D/s men I’ve encountered, but it’s a pleasant new direction for me. I’ve gone after what I wanted and been painfully disappointed with the lack of response. I stopped a while back. How many times can you put yourself out there just to hear a resounding silence echoing back?

So yeah, I want to be won over. Absolutely. Won over and then actively attended to keep my interest. Maybe that’s a throwback to chivalry. It has nothing to do with damsels in distress, though. Quite the opposite.

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And nothing to do with me making any effort to get any man’s attention anymore—and heaven forbid ever going out with a man again who tells me he wants to find a woman who “knows how to treat a man.” I know exactly how to treat a man well and it has nothing to do with not treating myself well. That kind of attitude puts the ball solidly in my court and mine alone to win and keep some gorilla’s affections and it feels like I’d be doing all the work.

So I’m no longer interested in winning anyone over. No, it’s time for men to figure out how to win me over. Precious few seem up to the task.


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