It’s a Wonderful Life
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Contrast.
More has happened in the past year than I dreamed possible, and other things I’d dreamed have not yet come to pass, though I understand why now and they are just beginning to come into place now. I guess that makes this a pretty special time, sort of a bit of walking between the worlds, the world that was my life and the one that is now becoming my life.
The Ether is so active right now. There’s a lot of chatter and anticipation as if everything’s about to burst wide open. How can things keep building like this? I am on a precipice, and there’s excitement but nervousness, too. I’ve been preparing for this for so long, wanting it for so long, and I’m more than a little nervous about how the next few months will unfold. I know they’re going to be amazing, though.
I’m a little down tonight as I watch the clock roll over into Christmas Day, and I can’t quite place why—or even if the thin film of sadness is mine or someone else’s. There’s a slight sense of sadness out there tonight that feels like loneliness of people around me or near me. I’m not lonely myself and things are quite good here, and yet I still feel it. Possibly it’s Daddy, but this doesn’t feel like him, either. This is more restless than heavy. It feels almost like there’s a little boy out there who needs to be hugged, his knees bandaged and his tears wiped.
Christmas Eve is my special time with the girls, but it was too rainy to have our backyard fire pit tradition, so we’ll do that later in the week. We relaxed instead with a pleasant indoor evening that included a lighted tree, a “blinking” fire in the fireplace, a brief interruption to go rescue some stranded teens, and couple of History Channel documentaries, a science fiction movie, and two episodes of—yes—ghost stories. Go figure. Not exactly “It’s a Wonderful Life,” but we all enjoyed it, including playing with the puppy much of the night.
I’m glad I didn’t do the usual Christmas stress. Even with Daddy’s passing, it was not the usual seasonal stress of massive shopping expeditions, big dinners, major decorating, over-dressed dining, or any of the things that really take away from the joy of the holiday season for me. The gatherings were all pleasant, the gift exchanges simple, the food good, the company good. Warm and wonderful times this December. And this year, I didn’t send a single Christmas card or note. Not a one. Funny. I used to send them by the hundreds. Last year, just a couple. This year, none.
My mom kept apologizing over the “botched” Christmas meal with her, but it was wonderful and the least stressed holiday meal I can ever remember with her. Just informal and relaxed and…good.
So now I’ve sent the girls to bed, in preparation for their day with their dad on Christmas, and I’ll spend the day quietly alone, maybe catch a movie, or enjoy a long walk. I might as well catch my breath while I can because in the coming weeks, life is going to get very busy in wonderful new ways as new things begin.