When the Best Response Is None
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.
It’s just an example, but a good one. One more reason why I’m liking my new mindset of freedom.
Is taking care of myself the end of codependence? Have I broken the cycle for good? It’s been 2.5 years of hard, active work to change, and that includes my divorce and culling a number of relationships. I know the tendency to nurture, protect, and mother others will always be there and can be used in positive ways and not to the point of self-annihilation. I can thank my emerging dominant side.
So much of the old mindset of doing because I’m asked, doing because it’s the Christian/pagan/Southern/ your-mama’s-daughter/nice thing to do, doing because I’m somehow obligated in a way I never agreed to…it’s vanished. There’s still a shadow of it in the Ether, I’m sure, but lessons pop up every day to challenge it, and I think I’m winning.
There are people I owe things to. And I will fulfill those obligations. What I’m doing now is distinguishing and not feeling I owe anything at all to just anyone at all, simply because they’ve asked and I’m a good human being. Or, heaven forbid, they’ve demanded. Demanding is the quickest way to disappear from my life.
Over the past few days, a businessman from Virginia has been trying to get my attention. He’s very attractive, intelligent, and by most standards, he’s successful. I’ve met him only in passing and I’ve never shown him any interest at all. On the surface, he seems…okay. My intuition has thrown up a wall, for some reason, and I’ve listened to it.
But he’s found out how to get in touch with me and he’s been leaving messages for me to contact him. It’s not about business or our day jobs. It’s physical and it’s all about him, or so says my intuition, as well as certain things he’s said in his messages.
It may seem like such a simple thing, but I blew him off. I chose not to spend my time answering to someone else when I have so much else to do and so much I’d rather do but can’t find time for. I didn’t bother to be nice. I didn’t bother to return his calls. I just didn’t bother. And I certainly didn’t think, if I call him back, he’ll leave me alone or if I call him back and say no, he won’t try to spend an hour convincing me how wrong I am.
Today, when I am so busy I can’t see straight, his message morphed into a demand that I return his calls. Yes, a demand.
An actual demand.
Oh, I don’t think so.