When the Best Response Is None

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.

It’s just an example, but a good one. One more reason why I’m liking my new mindset of freedom.

The Long-Awaited Honest-to-God Secret to Being Happy

Is taking  care  of myself  the  end  of codependence? Have I broken the cycle for good? It’s been 2.5 years of hard, active work to change, and that includes my divorce and culling a number  of  relationships.  I know the tendency to nurture, protect, and mother others will always be there and can be used in positive ways and not to the point of self-annihilation. I can thank my emerging dominant side.

So much  of the  old mindset  of doing  because  I’m asked, doing because it’s the Christian/pagan/Southern/ your-mama’s-daughter/nice  thing  to  do,  doing  because I’m somehow  obligated in a way I never  agreed to…it’s vanished. There’s still a shadow of it in the Ether, I’m sure, but lessons pop up every day to challenge it, and I think I’m winning.

There are people  I owe  things  to.  And  I will  fulfill those  obligations. What I’m doing now is distinguishing and not feeling I owe anything at all to just anyone at all, simply because they’ve asked and I’m a good human being. Or, heaven forbid, they’ve demanded. Demanding is the quickest way to disappear from my life.

Over the past few days, a businessman  from Virginia has been trying to get my attention. He’s very attractive, intelligent, and by most  standards,  he’s  successful.  I’ve met him only in passing and I’ve never  shown him any interest at all. On the surface, he seems…okay.  My intuition has thrown up a wall, for some reason, and I’ve listened to it.

But he’s found out how to get in touch with me and he’s been leaving messages for me to contact him. It’s not about business or our day  jobs. It’s physical and it’s all about  him,  or  so  says  my  intuition,  as  well  as  certain things he’s said in his messages.

It may seem like such a simple thing, but I blew him off. I chose not to spend my time answering to someone else when I have so much  else to do and so much I’d rather do but can’t find time for. I didn’t  bother to be nice.  I  didn’t  bother  to  return  his  calls.  I  just  didn’t bother. And I certainly didn’t think, if I call him back, he’ll leave me alone or if I call him back and say no, he won’t try to spend an hour convincing  me how wrong I am.

Today, when  I am so busy  I can’t  see straight,  his message  morphed into a demand that I return his calls. Yes, a demand.

An actual demand.

Oh, I don’t think so.


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