Shifting, Snapping, Breaking Through
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.
Sometime Â duringÂ the night, something…snapped. Â Iâ€™d almost Â say that something Â broke, Â but Â it felt Â more Â like somethingÂ broke through. Â Something Â lifted, Â something connected to my full moon work this month.
I donâ€™t know if it was blockages Iâ€™d been dealing with or something in my destiny that someone else had struggled against and won, but it was palpable.
I was aware of it the instant I awoke, which was more than an hour earlier Â than usual and with only about Â 5 hours of sleep, but it was good sleep last night. For the past two nights, many of my online friendsâ€”people Iâ€™ve never Â met Â in Â personâ€”haveÂ Â been Â showing Â up in Â my dreams, offering support. Itâ€™s very much appreciated!
Then I woke and the bed felt wonderful and I wasnâ€™t zonked from lack of sleep and I stretched like a cat and justÂ Â reveledÂ Â inÂ Â theÂ Â senseÂ Â of Â lightnessÂ Â aroundÂ Â me. Throughout the day, in spite of numerous cranky-making issues, I retained my lightness. None of the heaviness or doubt of theÂ past Â few Â days. Â Everything Â that Â had been plaguing me lifted at once. As if something had snapped.
Iâ€™d talked to Shannon Â about Â the sudden Â barrage Â of doubts and unfounded gloomy thoughts on a quick walk last night Â and Â she Â noted Â several Â a-ha Â moments Â of Â her own, all things sheâ€™d learned that day in her college psychology class, which she loves and devours.
She understood about all the wild dreams (she and her sister have had Â them too or been zonked this week as well). She explained sleep cycles to me, mostly things Iâ€™ve heard before from doctors, but she diagnosed my zonkness this week with the lack of deep sleep. The constant weird-ass dreams kept me from getting any real rest.
Her second point related to hypnosis, another thing sheâ€™s been Â learningÂ about in class, and how the mindâ€™s â€œhidden observerâ€ is constant regardless of any influences that are overlaid. We talked about what it is I know with- out a doubt, what is constant for me, and what influences make me temporarily doubtful of everything around me.
Today, the heaviness was gone, and I felt more like the me Iâ€™ve been for the past few months, with the sense of contentment Â and Â purpose Â in spite of the occasional work pressure, family stress, or aggravation.
That was a good place to be, mentally, when I met with my mentor tonight. I had lots of progress to report and we worked on the Â specifics for several â€œstreams of incomeâ€ in the future, including how to produce a series of courses, some potential consulting work, and how to relate all these aspects into what will become my next career, as well as how to free up 2 weekdays a month to be- gin meeting with clients. The best part of all, though, was having a plan and talking through it.
I love planning. I absolutely do. I will never again listen to anyone Â who tells me not to plan, Â just to let the Gods put me where They will. I Â agree that I needed to wander for a while and figure out all the things I really do like and to recover the part of me Iâ€™d lost, but Iâ€™m more in tune now with what I love and who I am.
Iâ€™m going back to something in my â€œpastâ€ life that al-
ways worked well for me, now that Iâ€™ve had such a major life course Â direction change. Iâ€™m going back to having a plan. It doesnâ€™t mean I have to know every little side road and the time Iâ€™ll intersect each. But I know where Iâ€™m going and some ways of getting there and ways to make things happen that Iâ€™m led to do. Iâ€™m an incredibly productive person but I need a planâ€”not necessarily as gospel, but as a guide. That feels Â really good. It feels purposeful.
I think I can come in now from my 40 years of wandering in the desert.