Iâ€™m the Best Thing That Could Happen to You
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.
â€œI think,â€ Â The Â Treat Â said Â very Â slowly, Â considering every word, â€œthat youâ€™re an Alpha female…who doesnâ€™t know sheâ€™s an Alpha female.â€
That one statement almost two years ago has turned out to be a pivotal moment in my life. I didnâ€™t realize it then. Iâ€™m not certain I yet grasp the full extent of it now. But Iâ€™m beginning to.
My mindset was like this 10-ton, square monolith and what The Treat did that night was press his shoulder hard against it…and something inside me moved.
Over the past 2 years, that monolith has been inched toward a ledge, sometimes with great heaves and at other times with gentle pushes. But a little more than a month ago, it took a huge tumble off the ledge, rolled over a few times, and finally landed on new ground.
This time, right side up.
Itâ€™s just now settling down into a new place that isnâ€™t off-kilter or an immoveable object.
Everything has changed Â now. I donâ€™t know how to describe it. Just such a shift! Things I may have known intellectually before have now connected with the rest of my being. Itâ€™s all snapped Â into place. Iâ€™ve almost completely stopped apologizing for not meeting anyone elseâ€™s expectations, and I didnâ€™t even realize I had been apologizing.
The biggest Â regard Â is in my relationships Â with men (and my relationship with myself), perhaps because thatâ€™s where so many other people seem to have focused since my divorce.
Iâ€™m Â still Â getting Â the Â same Â annoying Â questions Â and â€œadvice.â€ My answers, if I bother to answer, are different as of this past month. And usually catch off-guard those inclined to provide commentary on my life.
One of my co-workers Â started in on the usual you- need-a-man routine while we were walking together to a meeting and I couldnâ€™t easily ditch her. Yes, yes. I know Iâ€™m not getting any younger, but I donâ€™t mention that Iâ€™ve had two 20-year-olds hitting on me this week (separately) and both were very adorably cute. Boring, but cute. Do two 20-year-olds equal one 40-year-old?
I also donâ€™t mention that my romantic possibilities are most definitely not limited to men 10 or 15 years my senior but are wide open. Wider than ever, since Iâ€™ve made this shift.
Fresh out of my divorce, my most persistent suitors were men in Â their 50â€™s, some of whom were very blunt that they were looking for Â someone to nurse them into their golden years. I knew this before, but Â theyâ€™re definitely not the best I can do. I have no intentions of waiting hand and foot on a man who tells me he canâ€™t afford a nurse. Bah.
Men in their 40â€™s were dealing with their own issues with Â mortality Â and Â looking Â for Â that Â size Â 2 Â 19-year-old nympho to make them feel Â young. They were also the toughest Â on Â women Â in Â regard Â to Â body Â imageâ€”much worse than men in their 20â€™s and 30â€™sâ€”letting me know I needed to lose 10 pounds or how I needed to cut my hair or wear my nails Â or dress if they were going to be seen with me. For the most part now, I donâ€™t give them a second look now. Or if I do, itâ€™s merely a look of Â amusement.
â€œWhy arenâ€™t you seeing anybody right now?â€ my colleague asks. â€œCanâ€™t you find somebody?â€
Iâ€™m donâ€™t feel defensive like I used to. I answer her
honestly. â€œIâ€™m not seeing anybody right now because Â I havenâ€™t met anyone recently whoâ€™s good enough to please me.â€
Arrogant answer, Â she probably thinks, and one that surprises her. But itâ€™s raw and honest. Iâ€™ll only be with a man I want to be with, and I Â donâ€™t need any gap-fillers until I have what I want. Yep, what I want.
And my answer does at least shut up my colleague. We walk the rest of the way in silence, with me well aware that sheâ€™s dated more losers this year than she can name, dates a lot, and still isnâ€™t happy with how she spends her weekend nights.
We arrive at the building where our meeting is and before Â I can Â swipe Â my access Â card,Â a man in his early 30sâ€”very attractive, nice smileâ€”opens the door for me. We make eye Â contact, with me establishing Â eye contact first. He blinks and seems to startle a bit, then stammers and waves us through. Itâ€™s an exercise in dominance. Â As we walk away, Iâ€™m quite aware that heâ€™s watching me.
â€œThat guy was noticing you,â€ my colleague whispers to me. Then, without missing a beat, â€œBut heâ€™s too young for you.â€
â€œAre you kidding?â€ I donâ€™t squelch my smile because I know itâ€™s true. â€œIâ€™m the best thing that could ever hap- pen to him.â€