Do You Have Faith in Me?

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.

George Michael’s  “Faith”  is playing  on my  internal soundtrack when I arrive at work and my colleague realizes she hasn’t given me her opinion in 15 hours.

“I think you just don’t know what you want,” she intones in that smarmy voice that just keeps going long after I’ve ignored her and  walked away. It doesn’t matter that I’ve placed  my personal  life  off-limits  to her. She spews advice at anyone passing her desk, and I  usually pass her desk at least twice a day.

But I smile to myself and say nothing.

“After a  divorce,”  she  continues,  “women  are  real picky but it  doesn’t last. Soon enough, they get tired of waiting for Mr. Right and settle for Mr. Right Now or Mr. Right Here. Those standards of yours will fall by the wayside. Just watch what I tell you.”

She’s wrong  on  all  accounts.  My  standards  haven’t fallen by the wayside. They haven’t been lowered. If anything, I have a clearer picture than ever of what I want in a mate. Instead of me giving up, what I want  has been fine-tuned over the past few months and I finally have the words to go with the feelings.

I refuse to believe that there’s not a man out there

who will accept me as I am and love me for myself.

I refuse to believe that there’s not a man out there who can hold my interests long-term, make an intellectual connection with me, excitedly discuss spirituality and science with equal enthusiasm, and explore the  world with me both physically and metaphysically.

I refuse to believe that there’s not a man out there

who wants to be in a female-led, long-term relationship that is loving,  nurturing, intense, and no-bullshit, with a man I adore and who worships me.

I know exactly what I want. I just have to have faith that I’ll get it. And I do.

The only question that remains is do I go after it or do I let it come  to  me? Have I given it enough “active intent” yet? I think so.

I suppose I have one more thing I want. Something that’s incredibly important to me, more than I knew until now.

I want a man who can to come to me, willingly,  because that will show he has faith in me.