Singing To Myself
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Truth.
Thereâ€™s no need to go begging the Gods tonight. Not for anything.
Regardless of all the people who have talked down to me before, admonishing me for not trusting in the Gods enough and for wanting details and such a desperate need to Â know Â (ironically, Â these Â same Â folks Â found Â it Â easy Â to preach it, but hard to live by it themselves!), tonight there is simply an easiness thatâ€™s never been there before.
Itâ€™s not Â that Â my Â faith Â is Â stronger. Â Itâ€™s Â not Â that Â my magick is better. Itâ€™s not that Iâ€™ve suddenly grown up and am now on someone elseâ€™s â€œlevelâ€ whoâ€™s spiritually more â€œadvancedâ€ and wants me to know it.
Though advancement and growth have certainly been there in the past 6 months and exponentially accelerated in the past 6 weeks!
Itâ€™s a quiet and steady knowing that things will work out. The Â growth Â that wasnâ€™t there before has advanced the timeline. Â Not just in Â me, but in others around me. Events that Â Â Â Â couldnâ€™t Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â haveÂ Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â happened Â Â Â Â Â before Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â have launched Â new Â possibilities, Â raised Â probabilities, Â nudged things into place.Â That which could not have occurred with joy and ease is now finally clicking into place.
The past few weeks have been those series of clicks, one after Â another. I can feel them, almost hear them as they click…click…click Â like Â the notches on a star gate of sorts. Something big is about to open and Iâ€™m at the place now where Iâ€™m ready to step through into a new life, one thatâ€™s been worth the wait.
Tonight as I did a quick pick-up around the house to prepare for the new workweek, I absentmindedly Â considered how Â content Â Iâ€™m feeling. Â Yes, there is very much work to do and it will get done, and yes, this week will be a rough one where Iâ€™ll need some Â distractions, Â but Iâ€™m really in the moment and…content.
Content. No other Â word will suffice. Â Thatâ€™s whatÂ I was thinking as I walked through the house, pausing to light a stick of dragonâ€™s blood incense and arrange a few special cards on my Light Â Altar. Â I have found contentment without so many things that the people in my environment have considered necessary to be content: a pro- motion, a raise, an award, a book contract, a spot on the bestseller list, a Â new baby, a new home, andâ€”the most loathsome thatâ€™s been insisted I neededâ€”a new man.
Yeah, Iâ€™m happy and I donâ€™t have a man. Hey, imagine that. Iâ€™m just truly happy with me and with being me. As content as I have ever been.
Yes, thatâ€™s what I was thinking as I sang to the music playing over Â my iPodâ€™s JBL loudspeaker system. Jenifer McLarenâ€™s â€œQuiet Heart.â€ So would it be a shame if I left with a quiet heart? Doesnâ€™t it feel like my heart is qui- eter and less restless now? Â Donâ€™t I feel truly loved?
â€œMommy!â€ Shannon Â stood Â in the hall and grinned. â€œThatâ€™s so different!â€
â€œWhat Â is?â€ Â Â Â Â I Â asked, Â lighting Â a Â Â Â Â candle on my â€œunconditional loveâ€ pyramid.Â Sheâ€™s seen me light those candles since April of last year, usually one each night to send my best wishes out into the world. What could be different about that?
â€œYouâ€™re singing,â€ she said. â€œAll these years, Iâ€™ve never heard you walk through the house singing.â€
Iâ€™d forgotten. I stopped singing at home long ago as a deterrent to the complaints. Tonight, it came openly and easily, with no thought to Â criticism. It just was, and itâ€™s something Iâ€™m embracing as it comes back into my life.