Something Real? Uranian Relationships
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Curves.
I must have tapped into someone today, because the gamut of emotions and how fast I moved to and through each one was phenomenal and they weren’t really my own emotions. I recognize that, and it’s important that I do so I can distinguish and not take on someone else’s murky feelings, chameleon-like Pisces that I am.
Yesterday, when Shannon was taking her driving test at the DMV, I intentionally did not shield so that I could check on her. (“Wow, how nervous—she must be trying to park now…oh, hmmm, she’s worried she just goofed….”) Unfortunately, I picked up on all the other new drivers’ anxieties as well as some stray ones popping in.
At lunch today, the idea hit me that the kind of life partnership (yes, romantic, marriage whatever) is really a Uranian relationship. They’re unusual and, I believe, very beautiful, but few people can handle them or would dare entertain them. Associated with the astrological effects of Uranus, these relationships are meant to give both freedom and acceptance, and the successful Uranian couple will not put “normal” restrictions on each other because they already know how much each is loved. They don’t worry that the love will die while one is out of town or that they need to know every minute where and what the other is doing. It’s an electric, electrifying relationship with lots of twists and deep exploration together, but un- conditional love for each other. Even if one fucks up badly, or if both do, the love is still there and not to be doubted, but they can both be themselves. That, to me, really is a beautiful thing.
Which is why at some point this afternoon, I felt like banging my head against my desk.
What’s the point?
I kept asking myself. Might as well just shut off my heart and concentrate of business and sex and just forget about a real relationship or real freedom or real acceptance or real love.
Then I ditched the emotions that had collapsed onto me and reclaimed my own, but not without remembering that feeling of ambivalence and futility.
Is a Uranian love relationship really possible for me? For anyone?
I don’t know.
So far, 99% of the men I meet instantly start trying to figure out how to change me, sometimes before we’ve talked for a whole five minutes. You know…their imaginations re-sculpt my body, re-dress me, lobotomize me. Most candidates for a love relationship either don’t want to or cannot accept me as I am. They’ve proven it before we’ve even gotten to the point of testing the waters of whether a relationship of any type is viable.
It doesn’t seem possible for anyone to just love me as I am. And that’s something I may never have. It’s certainly not been in plentitude throughout my life.
I’ve met only a couple of men (2 definitely, iffy on the 3rd) who really did seem to accept me and willing to just let me be me without trying to rewrite me into something else. Very cool dudes I think I could have accepted as they were, and did to the extent that I got to know them. Unfortunately, the pedestal they put me on was a lonely one and they had too many doubts about illusions and cold, hard reality—and maybe, just maybe a very surprising and pleasant reality.
But I’m also rather sure that they, too, wondered if this kind of relationship could exist—with me or with anyone else. They were all very sure that with a long pat- tern of fuck-ups, that they would most certainly fuck-it- up again in a relationship with me and find my love conditional, even though I’ve never given them any reason to think I’d reject them for being real. But they can’t believe in me and in the possibility of me being some kind of reward to them in this lifetime. Especially when we’ve all been through relationships before with other people and there are so many possibilities of so many things that can go wrong and maybe the idea of this kind of relationship is just too perfect to risk messing it up by actually pursuing it.
I know that a Uranian relationship could be an amazing thing to have, and it’s my ideal, but it takes fighting back all that uncertainly and insecurity most people have to make it happen some place besides in our minds. For most of us who want this kind of relationship, I think it’s a matter of recognizing that it’s not just a fantasy or illusion, but that it can be the real thing and that manifesting it on the physical plane rather than in our minds is worth the risk.