Time To Update My Criteria

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Crimes to the Third Degree.

Weh-heh-heh-hell. I see that it’s time to update my criteria for a romantic partner. As if the list of my Herculean-task-type criteria wasn’t long enough already and damned near impossible for any man on the planet to meet more than 2 of…if that many.

Now, now, let’s go over that list again….

In no particular order of importance:

1. Emotionally healthy.
2. Financially responsible.
3. Free of addictions and disease (those addictions include gambling, drugs, and staring at underage and underdressed girls online for 3 hours a day).
4. Verbally intelligent
5. and the hardest…nurturing of my spiritual beliefs (regardless of his own beliefs).

(Allowable substitutions: slaying of one hydra or other bi-cephalic monster of his choice.)

So imagine my delight when I was introduced to someone new last week. Very interesting gentleman. Esoteric. Younger than I am. Productive and creative. Absolutely understood my weird references to all sorts of things that most guys are clueless about. On the surface, he certainly seemed to meet all my criteria. And quite attractive, to boot. Wahoo! At the very least, it looked to be a wonderful friendship, and I’ll admit that I’ve been lonely in the male companionship department recently.

I’m not so sure we’re going to be friends now at all, and I’m certain there won’t be anything romantic.

I sort of took for granted a few things beyond my 5 criteria, but I guess it’s necessary to spell out the last one:

6. No wife, no girlfriend, no commitment elsewhere.

Or, as Jillan says, “I don’t play with other people’s toys.”