I Donâ€™t Know What Women Want
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Freedom .
I think I said something about appreciating a manâ€™s honestly. I take that back. Sometimes, I really donâ€™t.
After Vicki forwards me an email from an Italian 20-something auditioning as a gigolo, all I can say is that some days, single men are better than they are on other days. At least his email was entertaining. Up until I realized he was dead serious.
He plainly says heâ€™s looking for a sugar-mama situation, preferably a woman over 45 who lives in a palace by the sea where he can live in luxury, spend his days swimming in the pool or the ocean, and his nights servicing his benefactor. Heâ€™s smoother than most 20-somethings, but I know enough women in their 30â€™s who date the young pups and are constantly buying them toys, to the point of dipping into their savings to keep these moochers around. Oh, please. The sex canâ€™t possibly be that good. For Peteâ€™s sakes, most of them are in their early 20â€™s and still need a compass to find their way around a womanâ€™s body! And if one particular 39-year-old colleague of mine raves one more time about the â€œsoft baby skinâ€ on a 21-year-old man, I swear Iâ€™ll puke.
I have to wonder why this Italian Romeo sent his resume to Vicki and what her husband would have to say about that! He must have seen that â€œBombshellâ€ photo I took of her in the leather coat and heels for her website. Or better yet, why exactly did she forward his email to me?
But the email arrives a day after my conversation with a man in his late 50â€™s whoâ€™s bent on pursuing me, much to my chagrin. How did I become the poster girl for Baby Boomers in search of wives? A doctor, too. Argh! Whatâ€™s up with that? Three physicians over 50 who wouldnâ€™t take no for an answer? In less than a year? I must change my stereotype. Surely there are plenty of other single women whoâ€™d love to get their hands in any doctorâ€™s pockets.
Honestly, Iâ€™m sick to death of these men in their 50â€™s and their disingenuous comments about how much we have in common when they know absolutely nothing about me and have heard only a smidgen from whatever mutual acquaintance decided to introduce us without telling me. The fact that I live in the same town does not give us anything in common. This, this from men who donâ€™t know my religious beliefs or what music I like or that Iâ€™m contemplating a Celtic tattoo. Iâ€™m more than my business suit…in fact, the business suit is hardly me at all.
Oh, but now Iâ€™ve met an honest suitor. Another one I canâ€™t tell to get lost fast enough. Yeah. I wasnâ€™t interested before his policy of truth and Iâ€™m not interested now. Iâ€™m still flabbergasted by his explanation.
â€œI am 58 years old,â€ he told me, â€œand Iâ€™m looking for a wife, not a girlfriend or a lover. My kids are grown and live on the other side of the country and I was too busy with my medical practice while they were growing up to spend any time with them so now they donâ€™t particularly care to spend time with me. Iâ€™m starting to have little health problems and Iâ€™m going to have to retire in the next few years. I need someone whoâ€™ll take care of me and is young enough not to have health problems of her own.â€
Yeah, well, good luck with that, Doc.
I tell Vicki Iâ€™ve decided that I know what men want. At least, the men Iâ€™ve dated and the men Iâ€™ve run like hell from. The 20-somethings want a sugar mama. The 50-somethings want a nurse maid. The 40-somethings want a 19-yr-old girl to make them feel like theyâ€™re 19 again and theyâ€™re too busy focusing on the past. The 30-somethings are focused on the futureâ€”start a family, build a career, and little appreciation for how fast time moves or how regrettable it is later when itâ€™s wasted.
â€œHmm,â€ Vicki says. â€œNone of those sound very appealing. So what do women want?â€
Hell, if I know. I have enough trouble finding what I want.