My Darling Boy and His Panty Fetish
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Burn.
Finally. Heâ€™s asleep. Our darling boy. On the floor under my main altar, the cool tile against his bare belly.
I was supposed to be working, supposed to be writing this novel, Â but thereâ€™s always something to interrupt, it seems. This time, itâ€™s Grendel, our little Norwich terrier I named after the monsterÂ in Beowulf, as any Â good former English major would do. Except that the little cutie is now Â living up to his name.
Iâ€™ve heard it said that God makes puppies and newborns adorable so you wonâ€™t kill them. Definitely true with this puppy on this day. I keep reminding myself that I paid for him instead of for a family vacation. Iâ€™ve put too much money into him to kill him, I tell myself, half-joking, though heâ€™s seriously getting on my nerves while Iâ€™m so stressed.
Not that itâ€™s his fault. Heâ€™s spent the Summer going back and forth with the girls to their dadâ€™s, to my parentsâ€™ house, and evacuating for hurricanes, so his scheduleâ€™s been a bit inconsistent. That should improve when the girls are back with me when school starts.
Heâ€™s active and playful and loving, and Iâ€™ve been told not to let him off his leash because he loves to play chase, with him being the chasee. Â Fun for him but not for the rest of us, who have all bashed our heads diving under tables after him. He has a quick mind, and the girls joke that heâ€™s a little ADHD, too. Lots of fun, but definitely a handful.
I did manage to get some writing done courtesy of my secret weapon, the digital tape recorder. He went berserk (in a good way) when he saw his leash, so I took him for a walk (aka, a drag) while I let my Â novelâ€™s heroine do a little fancy driving through a ley line-induced thunderstorm. But I hadnâ€™t planned to have him with me at all on this working weekend.
At the last minute, before the girls took him with them to their Â dadâ€™s for a few days, they expressed their concern at how their dadâ€™s live-in sometimes takes Grendel to her parentsâ€™ house while the girls are sleepingâ€”without their permission or knowledge. The last time resulted in a pair of frantic girls turning their dadâ€™s house upside down in the morning and fearing their puppy was indeed dead or lost. They were a Â little concerned that their dadâ€™s girlfriend wasnâ€™t very responsible and that their darling boy might get hurt or lost. So they wanted him to stay with me for the weekend since Iâ€™d cancelled all my other plans.
Except he Â wouldnâ€™t Â let Â me Â work. Â Typical Â little Â boy. Wanted my attention every minute he was awake. Every time I looked away, he was off to the closet to chew up a shoe or pull the stuffing out of a floor pillow. At one point, he turned over a dirty clothes hamper and trotted out into the living room with yesterdayâ€™s underwear hung over his nose.
The worst part, though, was the two-hour aerobic work- out, although he seemed to enjoy it just fine. Iâ€™d shut off most of the house so he could quietly sleep at my feet while I wrote at the computer. Except, he didnâ€™t sleep. He wanted to play. I did- nâ€™t. So he grabbed a computer cord Â from under the desk and took off with it.
It worked. He had my full attention.
I chased him under and around the dining room table, under and Â around the kitchen table, behind the sofa, up and down the hall a few dozen times, back into the office, through the kitchen, between the bars of the exercise machine. He hid one time in the far corner under the claw-footed Ouija table be- fore escaping.
I think I finally cracked when he wriggled into a tight spot Â behind Â the TV, a spot I couldnâ€™t possibly reach, and I found myself Â yelling, â€œDonâ€™t make me come back there after you!â€â€“as if I could. Thatâ€™s something I never said to my kids so it shocked me when I heard myself say it.
At my witâ€™s end and desperate to get some work done and save my computer cord from being gnawed in half, I finally remembered his favorite thing to chew on. I went to the laundry room, dug through the dirty clothes, and pulled out something red and lacy I just knew heâ€™d love.
It worked. He trotted out, dropped the computer cord at my feet, and took off with my panties.