The Disadvantages of Ouija Board Dating Services
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Life in the Third Degree.
Ouija boards are risky creatures. Iâ€™ve heard that all my life. Growing up Southern Baptist, I remember the terror instilled in my teen friends and me by our pastor on Youth Night. I donâ€™t remember the details, but the story had something to do with a girl and friends playing with a Ouija board on her fifteenth birthday.
â€œHow old will I be when I die?â€ the girl asked.
Stupid frigging question. First, does the entity youâ€™re speaking with really know? Just because Uncle Billy Bob passed over does not make him an expert on your life and whatâ€™s going to happen to it. If youâ€™ve managed to contact an Archangel, the results are certainly more reliable. So credibility is a big issue. Second, would you really want to know the date of your death? But then again, when youâ€™re 15, you feel that youâ€™re immortal and anything over 18 is a long way off.
Then came the answer to when the girl would die: â€œAt 15.â€
The girl, according to the pastor, was so upset that she drove herself crazy for the next year until she finally committed suicide…at 15.
Okay, so this concocted story sufficiently scared us into staying far, far away from Ouija boards. My mom, who still goes to the same church and remembers that story, recently mentioned psychic Sylvia Browneâ€™s warning to stay away from the boards. And I wholeheartedly agree in regard to most peopleâ€”people who donâ€™t typically deal with the Spirit world and ask asinine questions like â€œWhen am I going to die?â€â€”but then, Iâ€™m a Third Degree High Priestess and not opposed to communicating with the Dead, with angels, with spirit guides, with the Higher Power, or even with any â€œGood Aliensâ€ hanging around the Ether.
I have not yet evoked any Medieval daemons, mind you, but I donâ€™t consider talking with the Spirit world to be particularly risky as long as I take the precautions Iâ€™ve been taught and accept guidance only from credible sources. After all, people donâ€™t turn into monsters just because they dieâ€”their energy still exists but in another form.
Since I began training to be a High Priestess and cleared out various personality flaws and old wounds that have held back my spiritual development, Iâ€™ve become more and more psychic and frequently receive â€œmessagesâ€ in different forms. Since my ex moved out almost seven months ago and our marital problems arenâ€™t the focus of every breath I take, my sense of â€œknowingâ€ has become eerily accurate. So for me, Ouija boards are just one more tool to use in receiving messages from my spirit guides, angels, and teachers, aka The Entourage. That said, Iâ€™d never touched one until a week ago.
So itâ€™s ironic that I suddenly have this new circle of amazing friends whoâ€™ve come into my life this month. We try to meet weekly for healing circles, and I provide some modest instruction in Wicca and spiritual transformation. Itâ€™s an odd mix of neophytes who remind me of myself a several years ago, a couple of renegade High Priestess types who left their previous clans over integrity issues, and our resident Star Woman, who makes spirit boards out of beautiful birch wood with burned-in etchings of Celtic, Native American, or other preferred pantheons.
The first time I saw the spirit boards was at Star Womanâ€™s house. The energy seemed to buzz right off the wood, making my fingers tingle every time I got within a few feet of one. We cast a heavy-duty circle, banished anything we didnâ€™t want hanging around (including an overly loving and drool-y dog), and called in our guides and angels. Kitty, one of the neophytes with a bright smile Iâ€™d love to see more often, paired with me at the board. We sat with our knees touching and four to six fingers each on the planchette to create a circuit. Weâ€™d chosen a powerful spot in Star Womanâ€™s house, under a double pyramid structure where the energy seemed to swirl around the room. I asked if there was a message for meâ€”even joked that perhaps the Ouija Board Dating Service could find me a good man in townâ€”and the planchette began to move.
Iâ€™ve always heard skeptics sneer that Ouija board players move the planchette themselves. Thatâ€™s partly true, as I discovered. Before I ever put my fingers on the planchette, a heaviness filled the air around me, making it hard to breathe. Star Woman explains this as energies crowding in around us, like too many crayons trying to fill a box. Then my arms, from my elbows down, began to ache. As I let my shoulders go loose, I felt pressureâ€”like a dull ache or heavinessâ€”on my shoulders and elbows, almost like a gentle nudge to go this way or that.
What? As in Lorna? Cool. It was spelling my name, minus a vowel. So this was what it was like. Then,
FIRST OF TWO
At this point, I couldnâ€™t tamp down my excitement. Iâ€™d had no idea where the planchette would pause, and I didnâ€™t see the words until they were spelled out, written down, and held up for me to see. So I was the First of Two, but two what?
Then, IM JG. Okay, were those the initials of the entity speaking with us? We didnâ€™t know. But I made a comment about wondering who the other of the two is.
HE IS [manâ€™s first name, long form, missing a vowel]
Kittyâ€™s eyes were still closed. The energy turned sporadic, and she and I could no longer hold onto the planchette. It spun out of our hands, and we stopped. No one else in the room saw the paper with the words on it, and I discreetly took it home with me. No one saw the manâ€™s name. I knew of one man with this name, and a scant few hours later, he called me and talked until midnight had come and gone, but I didnâ€™t tell him his name had shown up on the board. That would have been too risky.
A week later, we met at Kittyâ€™s cozy home with its Medieval sconces and candles everywhere, and I cast a circle using Archangel energies and some remnants of Germanic Wicca. We sat on the floor and called in high-level guides and teachers, plus any Archangels that chose to join us. Star Woman asked if our newest members wanted to start but they declined, wanting to watch instead. I suggested Star Woman and Kitty run the board and I would ask for the first message and jot it down as Star Woman called out the letters under their fingers while Kitty stared into a candle flame without looking at the board. There was a sense of anticipation in the air, something a little risky and exciting.
And just that quickly, we were off!
ONE OF TWO, LORNA
â€œHey,â€ I said to Star Woman as I noted the perfectly spelled words, â€œthatâ€™s like last week when it said LoRNA, FIRST OF TWO.â€ It reminded me of Star Trekâ€™s Seven of Nine and the Borg. â€œONE OF TWO is me, just like Iâ€™m the FIRST OF TWO.â€
YES spelled the board.
We agreed that we probably were talking to the same entity. The syntax was similar. The feeling in the room was similar. Every entity that joined us was different in personality and communication.
Our excitement turned a little chaotic with me quizzing, â€œTwo of what? Whose two?â€ and Star Woman asking, â€œWho do the two belong to?â€
Okay, not so perfect spelling, but still pretty clear. I work with aerospace engineers and rocket scientists who donâ€™t spell any better. At least, the words were clear. The meaning was lost on us.
Star Woman kept sensing that The Two referred to a twin energy, like that of a twin soul. Had I been part of a set of twins and one died at birth or before?
Then my impatience got the better of me. â€œWhoâ€™s the other one of the two?â€ I demanded.
Argh! Iâ€™d just been slapped down for my impatience. By an invisible entity. At first, I thought I was being told I needed to wait to find out, which sounded too much like friends of mine whoâ€™ve told me to wait a year to date, but what the board meant was that it wasnâ€™t finished with the message and I was rushing the messenger. Yeah, Iâ€™m known to do that.
â€œIs this other person someone coming into Lornaâ€™s life?â€ Star Woman asked gently. â€œIs this someone in her future?â€ We waited for it to spell YES or NO.
Instead, I watched in horror as it began to spell a name. No mistake about it. Every letter perfect. I knew by the third letter what the name was, and it was the surname that went with the first name from the week before. I guess there are no secrets on the spirit board!
[SURNAME], SECOND OF TWO
I felt like Iâ€™d been kicked in the stomach. I couldnâ€™t breathe. Just the idea that I had some connection with this man felt scary. And yet, his not-terribly-common last name had been spelled out clearly. Not even his common first name that could be quibbled over as one of many possibilities, but a surname definitive and right there for everyone to see and question? Oh, God. What was I to do now? Iâ€™d had no idea the spirit board would present a risk of this type, with everyone staring at the name on the paper.
They asked, did I like this man? Yeah, very much.
They asked, was there anything going on between us? No, just friends. Some wonderful conversation but nothing more.
â€œMaybe the two of you were twins or sisters in a past life?â€ Star Woman suggested, but the board had other ideas.
Frustrated, Star Woman said, â€œOkay, okay, so what is this man to Lorna?â€
SECOND OF TWO
We all sighed at the same time. Finally someone asked what was it we needed to know and the board spelled again.
SHE HAS WAITED. ONE IS READY NOW.
I stared at the words for a long time before one of the newer members asked what I was ready for. A man? Sex? Lots of snickering with this dirty-minded group!
â€œSpring,â€ I joked. For renewal. For beautiful things to grow again.
â€œWhatâ€™s holding you back?â€ Kitty asked. â€œWhat are you waiting for?â€
I ignored the first question, partly because I didnâ€™t have an answer and partly because her second question took me by surprise. Iâ€™d heard, â€œWhat are you waiting for?â€ time and again during the last year of my marriage. Friends kept asking me why I hadnâ€™t been to see a divorce lawyer yet and what was I waiting for that would push me over the edge so that I would finally call it quits. In their minds, the marriage was long over, but Iâ€™d never declared it dead because I still had an inkling of hope that things would get better.
But the message we got was clear that night. Iâ€™d waited, Iâ€™d worked on fixing my life, and nowâ€“Lorna, One of Twoâ€”was ready to move forward with a clean slate. Ready. Ready now.
I cried most of the way home, thinking about this â€œtwin soulâ€ as Star Woman called him. I may be at the point of starting fresh with a clean slate, but he isnâ€™t. He still has issues to work through, and Iâ€™m not sure I want to invest in his pain. Iâ€™m not sure if itâ€™s good for me. Iâ€™m not sure if heâ€™ll hurt me. Once you get your heart trampled, itâ€™s hard to open it up to the next man with cleats.
Itâ€™s safer to keep these thoughts close. Safer to stay guarded. Safer to say nothing to him of what Iâ€™ve been told by entities in the Ether. To tell him that his name was spelled out by a Ouija board as Second of Two to my First of Two, well, that would be far too risky.