What I learned from my conversation with Dorothy was that I’ve become too enmeshed with the philosophies of some of my spiritual friends. That’s not uncommon for me, being a Double Pisces, because I do tend to mesh with others, and while that’s a lovely thing to happen in a romance, it’s not always the best thing for me with a larger spiritual group.
My breakthrough, in particular, is in regard to the phrase and interpretation of “for the Highest Good of All.” It’s a caveat I’ve been using in my magick since I’ve been involved with a particular group of people. It’s been my way of trying to ensure that I’m acting ethically and not forcing my own wishes down the throats of others. Somewhere along the way, it’s grown into something different for me, something that strips my true power. So it’s time to look at that again.
As a mostly-recovered codependent who likes for everyone to have the best possible outcome and be all happy with their lives, the idea of magick working only if it’s for the Highest Good of All sounds wonderfully selfless but it’s become a way of putting (once again) the good of everyone else ahead of the good of me. I still have that old demon of taking the bad stuff and shouldering it myself rather than have someone else have to bear it, own it, deal with it, grow from it. I may not be the fix-it witch like I used to be, magickally helping everyone else out, but it’s taken a slightly different form.
I’m not fixing it for someone else but if what I want makes matters worse or harder to deal with or somehow is better for me than someone else, then my Highest-Good pill nullifies my ritual intentions. I can always look at it later and say, “Well, I’m sad that I didn’t get that thing that meant so much to me but it worked out great for all these other people.” Wow, so that makes me a wonderful person or something? Sometimes I’m amazed that I’ve found so much happiness in my life this past year with this kind of attitude throwing up roadblocks at every corner.
It’s not that “For the Highest Good” is a bad thing. Not at all. But it’s helpful to look at our beliefs and practices and see where they might have gotten off course, especially if the course they’re now on is a very old pattern. It makes sense that not everyone is going to get the Highest Good. Maybe one person in the group will get a 10 in the outcome and several others will get a 7.5 and one will get a 4.2. For the person who gets a 4.2 in this outcome to get a 10, then the others might all get 3.9’s. My personality is the kind that will often agree to the 4.2 just so others can be happy, and that’s ultimately not a good thing for me. I end up unhappy and depressed.
Ethical magick is not the same thing as being a magickal doormat. So what I’m looking for now is not to nullify my own magick but rather to own it, even it if comes back and bites me in the ass later.
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