Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Love in the Third Degree.
Some connections are harder than others to break, particularly when you don’t really want to break them. Both parties have to want to. Otherwise, you just keep re-attaching and feeling the other’s pain. I’ve noted that with a number of people in the past week who’ve been feeling my losses along with me, including people I haven’t heard from in a long time.
If you form a deep connection, it’s hard to sever it and even harder to pull it out of yourself by the roots without losing chunks of yourself and leaving a hole. The more the impact you’ve had on the other person’s life and them on yours, I think the harder it is.
Some people get flashes of insight or see the future or heal. I’m an empath. I feel what others feel when I’m connected to them in some way. I have to build a wall around myself not to.
My heart chakra has settled down a bit. No more of the huge burning orb in my chest, like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I’ve done a lot of work to mute that, though. A lot. You have no idea how much. I still get a little of the fire burning in a circle in the middle of my chest, but it’s more subdued now. The word that comes to mind is…resigned.
My throat chakra is still very tight. My brow chakra still burns quite a bit, but most of the burning in my arms, hands, legs, and feet has subsided. Every now and then, it hits, but not like it was last week.
I still can’t get over the energy waves that hit me last Friday, the 19th of January. I’ve never experienced anything like it except for once at a healing circle where I felt someone else’s pain and heartache. The waves hit in severe, burning hurt. The blows to the heart chakra were the most intense until an even larger wave hit my third chakra, my solar plexus, and lifted me off the sofa where I’d briefly fallen asleep and sent me running to the bathroom to retch. There is no stomach flu as merciless as this.
So it’s my third chakra that I’m being gentlest with right now. It’s still not cooperating. The attachments are still there, even with the work I’ve done to release them. I’ve lost about ten pounds in the past week. I still cannot eat much, can’t hold it down. It’s jittery and unsettled and I still wake throwing up.
I’m focusing more on work and creative aspects of my life right now. Feeling very, very anti-social. People at work are leaving me alone to let me bury myself in my job activities. They don’t ask what’s wrong and they know I’ve had a lot of loss in the past couple of months, so they give me a wide berth and don’t ask too many uncomfortable questions.
The Ether has calmed a bit, though not enough to let me sleep without a little help. I’m hoping for a sunny weekend, lots of yard work that will wear my muscles down for deep sleep, a fast-running treadmill, and maybe even a little bit of writing and working on my websites.
More than anything right now, I need to feel both hope and productivity.