When the Best Response Is None
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Ebb and Flow.
Itâ€™s just an example, but a good one. One more reason why Iâ€™m liking my new mindset of freedom.
Is taking Â care Â of myself Â the Â end Â of codependence? Have I broken the cycle for good? Itâ€™s been 2.5 years of hard, active work to change, and that includes my divorce and culling a numberÂ of Â relationships. Â I know the tendency to nurture, protect, and mother others will always be there and can be used in positive ways and not to the point of self-annihilation. I can thank my emerging dominant side.
So much Â of the Â old mindset Â of doing Â because Â Iâ€™m asked, doing because itâ€™s the Christian/pagan/Southern/ your-mamaâ€™s-daughter/niceÂ thing Â to Â do, Â doing Â because Iâ€™m somehowÂ obligated in a way I never Â agreed to…itâ€™s vanished. Thereâ€™s still a shadow of it in the Ether, Iâ€™m sure, but lessons pop up every day to challenge it, and I think Iâ€™m winning.
There are people Â I owe Â things Â to. Â And Â I willÂ fulfill those Â obligations. What Iâ€™m doing now is distinguishing and not feeling I owe anything at all to just anyone at all, simply because theyâ€™ve asked and Iâ€™m a good human being. Or, heaven forbid, theyâ€™ve demanded. Demanding is the quickest way to disappear from my life.
Over the past few days, a businessman Â from Virginia has been trying to get my attention. Heâ€™s very attractive, intelligent, and by most Â standards, Â heâ€™s Â successful. Â Iâ€™ve met him only in passing and Iâ€™ve never Â shown him any interest at all. On the surface, he seems…okay. Â My intuition has thrown up a wall, for some reason, and Iâ€™ve listened to it.
But heâ€™s found out how to get in touch with me and heâ€™s been leaving messages for me to contact him. Itâ€™s not about business or our day Â jobs. Itâ€™s physical and itâ€™s all about Â him, Â or Â so Â says Â my Â intuition, Â asÂ wellÂ as Â certain things heâ€™s said in his messages.
It may seem like such a simple thing, but I blew him off. I chose not to spend my time answering to someone else when I have so much Â else to do and so much Iâ€™d rather do but canâ€™t find time for. I didnâ€™t Â bother to be nice. Â I Â didnâ€™t Â bother Â to Â return Â his Â calls. Â I Â just Â didnâ€™t bother. And I certainly didnâ€™t think, if I call him back, heâ€™ll leave me alone or if I call him back and say no, he wonâ€™t try to spend an hour convincing Â me how wrong I am.
Today, whenÂ I am so busy Â I canâ€™t Â see straight, Â his message Â morphed into a demand that I return his calls. Yes, a demand.
An actual demand.
Oh, I donâ€™t think so.