Confused, Torn, and What the Hellâ€™s Next?
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Crimes to the Third Degree.
You know, if I wrote it in a novel, Iâ€™m dead sure that my editor would tell me itâ€™s just not believable. But thatâ€™s why truth is stranger than fiction.
In real life, it usually doesnâ€™t happen: people move on to someone new or they get together or they give up. In my real life, it does happen, to the point of just being fucking ridiculous. Rollercoaster. Then again, it doesnâ€™t help to have your friends tampering with things, too, because they think your relationship is moving too fast.
Too fast??? For who? Glaciers?
Every moment it seems that weâ€™re going to get it together, the bottom falls out. Hard enough to learn to trust again, butâ€¦.
Now the funny thing is, a few days after I cut off some old friends and stopped telling them anything about the status of certain things in my life, suddenly things are breaking free.
I totally, utterly feel things opening up.
And then my friends start messing around in my life again and immediately things stop.
So Iâ€™m confused and not quite sure where things stand right now. Iâ€™d had this tremendous sense of something lifting in the past week, only to find out something terrible happened. Things still feel â€œlifted,â€ which is funny. I donâ€™t know what happened, except that it was weeks ago, during that odd few days when I kept feeling roadblocks thrown up all around me, and now I feel the blocks are crumbling and melting. So maybe somethingâ€™s already come to pass and it isnâ€™t a factor any more.
Whatever the case, I still have a sense of his things happening. More than Iâ€™ve had in months. I can feel it. I still feel that. Iâ€™m just following my intuition, listening to it, but oh, I wish I knew what was going on.