For 9 years and 11 months, I looked forward to this high school reunion. On the last night to turn in my paperwork, I decided not to go.
It was a surprise, mostly to me.
There are lots of tales of people who go back to high school reunions to put ghosts to rest. I’m not one of those. I put those ghosts to rest at my first high school reunion. They haven’t bothered me since.
People go back to reunions because they feel they have something to prove.
I’m not one of those either. I don’t have to prove my successes or show that I’m worthy or make anyone notice me.
A lot of people go back to reunions to find out what happened to people from “back then” and see how life and time have treated them, often compare notes because they need some kind of baseline. I’m not one of those. Anyone I’ve wanted to find out about, I’ve done so online–and renewed some very nice friendships.
Some people actually go back to high school reunions because they had such a great time in high school and can’t wait to catch up with old friends and relive their fantastic teen years. Sadly, I’m not one of those either.
So why not show up at a reunion to show that off or celebrate it as I’ve been urged to do?
A couple of days before the decision deadline, I was in the kitchen, preparing a meal for the night’s dinner party, enjoying incense and candles, and listening to an mp4 download of an Abraham-Hicks workshop. I don’t even remember which one, but it was one of the ones from the late Spring/early Summer of 2010. If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know that I find the Teachings of Abraham to be very inspirational in my spiritual work, and they’ve helped me ease into a life of serenity. All I remember is that the subject morphed into a discussion of family reunions and other types of reunions. I perked up at the sound of this because I had a reunion with writer friends coming up in the next couple of weeks and I just couldn’t wait to see these friends again, even though we keep track of each other online daily. I also had a high schol reunion coming up less than a month later, but my excitement factor wasn’t anywhere near as high for some reason.
Abraham talked about how family reunions throw us out of our “vortex”– our happy place where we have no trouble bringing wonderful things to us–because no matter how great things are going now, a reunion takes us back to where we once were, to other people’s old expectations of us, to a place we’re no longer aligned with, and the results can be upsetting. We go back to how we felt with that group or during that time because that’s where the focus is.
That’s when it hit me that even though I was excited about seeing my writer friends in July, I had no desire to attend my high school reunion in August. You see, high school wasn’t any fun for me. It was a time of high misery. Back then, I didn’t fit in and felt as if I were a visitor from another planet. My way of thinking was different and unappreciated–including by teachers I admired but shouldn’t have–and I spent most of my teen years in despair, being told to be myself but the “myself” that others wanted me to be. I was actually a really good kid but misunderstood by just about everyone who knew or knew of me. You know the BREAKFAST CLUB movie from the 80’s? I always identified with Ally Sheedy’s character. It wasn’t until college that I met others (a few) who thought like I did. Now the Internet connects me with plenty of like-minded people, but back then, I was quite alone. Maybe that’s why I so appreciate people who are different and “unique” and why I’m so accepting of diversity in my friends.
I also find it amusing that I was so sincere about my Christian religion in high school and an outcast among students who weren’t Christian. Now they’ve joined the ranks of the churched and become Christians whereas I’ve converted to Wicca….so I’m still an outcast among them.
My high school years were so different from my life now. I’m still that same person inside, still with the brain wired differently, still the visionary–though 20-somethings don’t seem to have any problem understanding my way of thinking and hence, that’s where I find the most date-able men. In spite of all the body-switch movies where middle-aged moms swap with their teen daughters, I would not want the same. I’m so much happier in my life now when it is “half over” than when it was just beginning. I decided I didn’t want to relive memories of an unhappy time and to align myself now with where I was then. Reunions are about going back to that place where we last left off…and I have no desire to go back there.
I may not be 18 anymore, but there’s really no place better in my life to be than I am right now…unless it’s where I’ll be tomorrow.
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