Attracting Back a Relationship: When Your Needs Change

Revisiting the past– sunset across the fields.   Photo copyright by Aislinn Bailey.

I get more letters from readers of my book, Attract Him Back: Master the Law of Attraction to Bring Back Friends, Lovers, and Relationships from your Past,  than I have time to answer, but occasionally I get one asking about how things are going with a particular man I mentioned that I had attracted back.    I’ve learned something new that I’d like to share with my Attract Him Back readers.

During most of my life, I’ve needed a particular kind of partner.  I’ve attracted those types of men into my life, according to my specific needs and energetic vibrations at that time.  A lot of what I’ve attracted to me and later attracted back has had to do with what was going on in my life and what I needed or felt I needed.  I’ve stayed fairly solid and steady in those needs.  That’s why I’ve had such a surprise recently.

I’ve gone through different relationship phases and different relationship needs in my life, depending on my career needs, my children’s needs,  my health needs, etc.  I have often adjusted my needs to the needs of those around me, but now that my children are emptying from the nest I’ve built, my needs are becoming more focused on the things I’ve set aside for them and others.  The dreams I built around them are either fulfilled or will never happen now—like the long-held dream of being able to stay home and write full-time while I waited for my little girls to come home from school, get their afternoon snacks before homework help, dinner, and baths and bed.  But, as a friend points out when I fret about the dream that never happened because my relationship at that time did not support it, it’s time to put together new dreams because my life is on the upswing now.

Those new dreams aren’t based on children any more.  They’re based on ever improved health, travel, fun, fulfilling activities, dipping my toes back into some intriguing work in my Defense Department career while fascinated by some ideas in my writing career.  My dreams are suddenly about my needs now, and so—to my surprise—the men I’ve attracted back and had been enjoying in my life don’t fit so much into this new vision of my future.  This isn’t an overnight change but a slow transition as they have begun to move out of my life and I am now willing letting them go.

I recently sat and talked for hours to someone I attracted, then lost, then attracted back and was so thrilled to have back in my life.  My relationship with him has been changing over this last year into one where I no longer crave anything romantic or long-term.  We are still incredibly fond of one another but our relationship is developing more into one of platonic friendship, and I am fine with that.  Probably more fine than he is and perhaps we would be together long-term if he’d come back to me sooner, but I am now too far down the road to a new set of needs for him to keep up, I think.  Or at least, for him to be the best source of fulfillment for these new dreams.  He would bring young children into my life at a point where I want to focus more on myself, finally.    He is no longer able to travel…at a point when the world is opening wide for me.  It is not that he no longer cares for me or that life together would not be wonderful, but I’m approaching a new beginning and I know he won’t be coming with me as anything more than a friend I occasionally confide in.  We are drifting apart, and it is because I’m the one who has changed.

I attracted him back, and now I am letting him drift away to something and someone else because my relationship needs have changed.  That’s not a sad thing.  I’m going through an upgrade, and he isn’t at the same place in life that I am now and probably won’t be for many, many years.

That said, I find it rather interesting that I have attracted a new, promising relationship into my life that matches so many of my current needs and the vision I hold for myself, beginning this year.  He has some of the finer qualities of the man I have let drift away as no longer quite right for who I am—the scientific mind, the deep romanticism,  superior intelligence,  a quick wit, a strong respect for me, a quiet but older sexiness.  Things I am often attracted to, yes.  But this one has far more he can offer the new version of me, the one who can travel, explore new health regimens, and pursue new dreams that were put on hold for the sake of my family obligations.

Lest you  think I no longer believe in “attracting back” particular men into my life, this man is someone I knew when we were both quite young, just starting out in our careers and families and dreams that didn’t happen the way we wanted.  We never had a romantic relationship and I never expected the possibility of one to come into my life at mid-life with him.  We  have always had an awareness of one another, even though it was never acted upon.  I never set out to attract him or to attract him back to me…my needs changed, and he has appeared.

But he’s one of my all-time favorite people from my past, and there’s a reason he’s made it into my future.