Intimate Meditations

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree and Rising.

The last few meditations, since I went into the Underworld and brought him back with me, the man has been in the forest where my dreaming starts. Usually just sitting on the grass with me or enjoying the sunshine that filters down through the trees or chattering away happily in the peace and quiet that soothes our nerves. I’m not sure why he seems to have taken up residence in my forest, but I kinda like it.

I’m still intrigued with how these interactive meditations work, since often what I see there isn’t anything from my own experience and there’s an element of the external that seems to make this a meeting place between the worlds. Only a few years ago, I thought of meditation as boring because nothing happened in my attempts at it or either I was jealous of the way other people’s meditations unfolded like Discovery Channel documentaries. But in the past two years, as I’ve become more and more spiritually aware, the meditations have become quite vivid and informative.

This one is no exception, except that it’s possibly the most intimate meditation I’ve experienced here in the forest.

As soon as I touch down in the forest, he is here. I think he’s been waiting since he is here before me. As with the previous few times, since my last trip into the Underworld and finding him there in the dark, the floor of the forest is not made of dried leaves, but emerald-green grass as soft and bright and fine as rye. He and I sit in the grass and talk quietly. His hair is in his eyes, the way I like it, and they are either a pale green or a reflection of the new growth of Spring around us.

He likes it here because it’s so peaceful, a safe place he can come to escape the power plays and sharpness around him. He still has guilt and anger to work through, and too many lies…fabrications…manipulations…but he is starting to see now, and this is a beautiful retreat for him. He doesn’t talk much about his waking world except that his emotions are jagged and his brain chemistry has been off a bit, but he’s doing something about that—or will soon—and then he’ll be okay, less confused, and then not confused at all.

In my meditation, I watch in surprise as I rise from the grass and take his right hand in my left, urging him to rise and follow me. I lead the way to the fountain in the middle of the forest. The water doesn’t burst forth loudly or forcefully but this time it simply gurgles from the top, above us, into the lower layers of the fountain and down to the bottom where he stands next to me—willingly, inquisitively, happily next to me. I cup my right palm and dip it into the fountain’s waters and bring it to his mouth for him to drink. The Water of Life. That’s what this is. And I am offering to quench his thirst.

He drinks hungrily from my hand, eyes closed, savoring the coolness and sweetness of what is offered. As he opens his eyes, he holds my cupped hand to his mouth, kissing my palm as the last droplets of water roll down my palm and wrist and bare arm.Life Coaching Tips

He’s kissed my palm before in meditations, and it always surprises me. I do not recall a lover ever in the waking world kissing my palms, nor would I have thought of it, but it’s an intensely meaningful moment for me and I wonder why he does it.

Then he follows the runaway droplets with his mouth, across my wrist, over the inside of my elbow. Then his mouth is on my neck, on my throat, and trailing downward. When he stops, he is on his knees in front of me, looking up at me and I nearly lose myself in his eyes. Then he presses his cheek into my belly and wraps his arms around me as he kneels, holding on as if he fears I’ll send him away.

I don’t. I run my fingers through his hair instead.

Then I realize that it’s not only a fear that I’ll send him away but that I’ll vanish if he can’t find a way to hold on.