Winter Solstice: Doing the Unstuck
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Contrast.
Itâ€™s the Winter Solstice, which literally translates â€œsun stoppage.â€ For most people, they think of this time in relation to birthâ€”the birth of God, of the Year King, of a new yearâ€”but for me, itâ€™s often been about the death of something, too.
There is this Winter Â Solstice Â when the death is my dadâ€™s. But itâ€™s Â also the death of an old way of thinking and the passing away of many old limitations Iâ€™ve put on myself. Winter Solstice is one of those points where I assess the time since the last such event. I am becoming unstuck, especially in this past turn of the wheel of the year. Other Â WinterÂ Â Solstices Â have Â been Â just Â as Â disjointed, though Iâ€™ve celebrated Â them for only the past decade or less.
There was the one Winter Â Solstice Â whenÂ I tried Â to share a public celebration in Pensacola with my atheist ex, but when he realized there were religious overtones versus strictly scientific ones, he became upset and we didnâ€™t go. It was the death of a dream that Iâ€™d ever be able to share that part of myself with him or be able to be myself fully with him as my mate.
There was the one Winter Solstice when I came home from work to find a â€œnon-selectâ€ notice, meaning I didnâ€™t get the promotion Iâ€™d really wanted and that my boss had alluded to as mine if I did certain work. Heâ€™d waited until the Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â last Â Â Â Â Â Â Â day Â Â Â Â Â before ChristmasÂ Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â holidaysâ€”nearly Â Â Â Â Â a monthâ€”to tell me, so that Iâ€™d be â€œover itâ€ by the time he saw me again in January. It was the death of a dream for my career, even though I did get promoted later by a different boss. A lot of my enjoyment and hope for my career field died that night, Â but Â my girls climbed into the hammock in the back yard and lay close to me, comforting me that evening as we looked at the moon.
There was Â the Â one Â Winter Â Solstice Â when Â our Â little
Westie died. Sheâ€™d been a part of the family for a long time. The girls and I sat in the back yard and talked and cried for a long time. I was the one who had to sign the papers to have her euthanized. Before then and Â after, I never heard my ex cry more for anything than he did for our Â Lindsay when she died. She touched a place in him that I never could, and had it not been for her, I probably wouldnâ€™tÂ have known it existed in him. Her death made for a very somber holiday for us all.
There was the one Winter Solstice when I knew my marriage was over but I refused to let go. Even though I couldnâ€™t acknowledge Â it yet, I Â knew in my heart that it was the death of a dream of a life with a partner who understood me and could open himself to me. I had always loved Â the winter holiday season and had decorated with gustoâ€”often putting lights on the house alone and once giving myself a bad case of Achillesâ€™ tendonitis by climbing up Â ladders Â in freezing Â weather. That Â year, Â I Â didnâ€™t decorate. Â I didnâ€™t feel like celebrating Â and I was tired ofÂ being Â responsibleÂ Â forÂ Â allÂ Â theÂ Â festivity,Â Â soÂ Â IÂ Â justâ€¦ stoppedâ€¦and let family members ask me when I was going to decorate and why not Â and what was wrong with me. The girls put up the lights that year.
There was Â the Â one Â Winter Â Solstice Â two Â years Â ago, when I was newly divorced and acknowledging Â the death of an old way of life and Â looking forward to rebirthing into a new life. Iâ€™d made a valiant start, even having a little Winter Solstice cookout and inviting friends over. Everything held so much promise at that time, but it all becameâ€¦stuckâ€¦when I least Â expected Â it to. Stopped. Â A stoppage of the sun. We were all so stuck in our old pain and wanting to shed it but not being able to move on.
Last Winter Solstice, things certainly felt stuck. Nothing seemed to be moving, and in fact, it only became further pinned down. The thing I wished for with the passing of that Solstice was change, change for the better, for things to become unstuck and get moving again as they had Â been around right after my divorce was final and a whole Â new Â world Â seemed Â to Â be Â waiting. Â Last Â year, Â I vowed Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â to Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â risk Â everything and Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â focused Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â on Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â the Â word â€œmanifest.â€
I will definitely admit that things have changed for the
better. Not the way I would have wanted it. Not at all. Some of the things holding me back were things I really loved. There was a lot of turmoil and hurt. I have a better understanding of it now, in light of the Law of Attraction.
It took years, but I attracted some major changes into my life, ones Â that would provide the results I wantedâ€” the freedom to be myself and for people to love me for who I am, the freedom to have a mate in my Â life who would really â€œgetâ€ me on every level, the freedom to see my Â dreams come to fruition, the freedom Â to be happy without Â being Â responsible Â for other Â peopleâ€™s Â happiness 24/7. Those changes were major upheavals, and I have a few more changes left before Iâ€™m done. So yes, I attracted change into my life.
I was also, coming out of a long marriage where Iâ€™d been wrong about so many things, feeling insecure about my intuition and my decision-making skills. I needed a lot of Â validation, Â verification, Â confirmation, Â support. Â I Â attracted that, too. Lots of it. Not always in a Â good way. The same people who were great about giving support during my last years of marriage were used to giving me adviceâ€”and Â lots Â of Â itâ€”when Â it Â wasnâ€™t Â necessarily Â the level or type I really needed anymore. No one talks about how Â Â Â Â Â Â the Â Â Law Â Â Â of Â Â Â Â Â Â Â AttractionÂ Â Â Â Â Â canÂ Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â mean Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â no Â Â longer â€œvibratingâ€ at the same frequency as the people Â around you and how they donâ€™t understand the changes in you and donâ€™t want you to change and how some people will do things they shouldnâ€™t Â to Â keep everything status quo. Every time Iâ€™ve made a major change in my life over the past few years, Iâ€™ve had to leave behind people I once thought would always be part of my life because I was attracting Â something Â different Â into Â my Â life. Â I Â may Â be bringing new and different Â people and experiences Â into my life, but itâ€™s still sad to say goodbye to the old.
Somehow Â I Â see Â the Â butterfly Â emerging Â and Â flying
away, not sticking around where it used to be a wingless worm.
So this past year, when I so wanted to clear away all impediments to the future I have wanted, itâ€™s happened. Painfully. And a new way of thinking is settling in. Before the next Winter Solstice, thereâ€™ll be a lot of change in my life, this time brought forward by return of love into my life and the joy Iâ€™ve been manifesting.
This year, this Winter Solstice, things are not stopped. The light is returning, and Iâ€™ve become unstuck.