The Marriage Junkie
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree Curves.
While waiting for a meeting, I have a chance to talk to a colleague I havenâ€™t spoken with in years. Youâ€™d never know by looking at her, but sheâ€™s a marriage junkie.
When I first met her a decade or more ago, she was already on her third husband. When that marriage didnâ€™t last, she Â started Â a relationship with a married man who took what she describes now as her best years. He repeatedly promised to leave his wife and marry her. He never did, and she got tired of waiting, dropped him, and was married to someone new in six months.
â€œDonâ€™t wait too long to remarry,â€ she tells me.
To look at her, youâ€™d never know that sheâ€™s my age or that sheâ€™s not Â the Alpha female she tries so hard to be. She tells me how, like so many Â women, she wasted her time with a married man and thinks she Â couldâ€™ve Â been with any numberÂ of other men who were interested Â in her.
She repeats Â herself Â frequently Â in Â this Â conversation. She never says she was interested in any of the men who might have been interested in her, other men she might have married.
I donâ€™t feel the same urgencyÂ that she does and that she has all her life. Itâ€™s her nature not just to want to be married, but that she must be married.
She doesnâ€™t regard a taking a mate as a wonderful experience or a deeper level of sharing or just having some- one to push her buttons and help her grow. A mateâ€”any mate, Â from Â the Â way Â she Â describes Â her Â personal Â opinionsâ€”is necessary to check off that box for personal validation.
At first, I think Iâ€™ve misunderstood, Â but she repeats herself, often with the same phrasing. Itâ€™s not so much the man that is important or being in love but being married.
I find her beliefs a little sad and a little disturbing. The woman who appears Â to be so strong is so utterly Â lost without a man. I canâ€™t fathom her all-consuming Â need to be married any more than she understands me.
She stands to leave, gathering her papers. â€œDonâ€™t for- get what I told you,â€ she says softly on her way out the door. She points a long index finger at me. â€œDonâ€™t wait too long to get remarried.â€