The Sex Dilemma
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Life in the Third Degree.
It comes as a clear revelation to me in the middle of a night when Iâ€™m sick as a dog and my head is foggy with cough syrup: I can fuck anyone I want.
Okay, with the exception of The Treat, whoâ€™s off-limits. But yes, anyone I want.
Iâ€™m free. Iâ€™m not married anymore. Iâ€™m not committed to anyone. Iâ€™m a healthy female with a solid sex drive, and more than enough men whoâ€™d be willing to oblige me.
For many divorced women, this revelation strikes the moment the divorce is finalâ€”or even beforeâ€”and theyâ€™re busily making up for lost time all over town. But I donâ€™t even think about it until another four months have passed. I have standards, but are those standards for any relationship? So far, only one manâ€™s made it past a lunch date, so is it time to re-think my criteria?
On one hand, Iâ€™ve been celibate for a long time now, and I could do the Alpha Female thing and simply go get my physical needs met with no emotional attachment whatsoever. Regardless of what technology might offer a modern woman, thereâ€™s something to be said for interaction between a man and a woman. Though some people believe itâ€™s status quo for a man but impossible for a woman to have no-strings sex, I beg to differ. Yet, I do think something would surely be lackingâ€”a connection that adds layers of meaning and fulfillment. Really, can 15 seconds of jackhammer sex be worth a woman even leaving the house for? Sometimesâ€¦maybe. Make it 15 minutes and weâ€™ll talk.
On the other hand, Iâ€™ve been celibate for a long time now, and Iâ€™m psychologically feeling like Iâ€™m a virgin again. How many women get to say that? How many get to start all over after so many years? And why would I want my next â€œfirst timeâ€ to be with a one-night stand?
I spent a horrid Valentineâ€™s Day this year getting tested for everything under the sun to make sure I hadnâ€™t left my marriage with anything â€œextra,â€ and Iâ€™ve gotten a clean bill of health. No HIV, no Hepatitis, nothing lurking in the shadows. Why would I want to throw myself back out into the dating-for-sex arena to risk the same fears I felt on Valentineâ€™s Day this year? Even with latex, do I really want to be with a man whoâ€™s spread himself all over town?
Itâ€™s said that a metaphysical child is created out of each sex act, and what is created together can be a beautiful result of a sacred communion. Itâ€™s also said that you leave something of yourself with the other person. If I slept all over town, would there be anything left of me?
Too bad my doctor canâ€™t prescribe something that would put my sex drive in cold storage until Iâ€™m ready to take it out again. That would solve my daily dilemma of whether to go for immediate gratification which would most likely result in disappointment and Lord-knows-what-kind-of boy cooties. Or do I keep playing the virgin, waiting for someone special enough to lose myself in all over again?
In a moment of doubt, I chat with a man whoâ€™s been flirting with me. Heâ€™s in his early 30â€™s, tan and cute and fresh from the beach. We really donâ€™t have anything in common, and he senses that Iâ€™m losing interest fast. Quickly, he openly propositions me, and I raise an eyebrow at his lack of finesse. Desperate to seal the deal, he spouts out his dimensionsâ€”eight and one-quarter inches long and six inches around. The one-quarter is really important to him, and his voices hitches as he says it. I raise a second eyebrow, and Iâ€™m gone. Heâ€™s probably still wondering why I got the hell out of Dodge.
For me, itâ€™s just another reason to wait to lose my re-virginity. At least one more day.