Second Dates

Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Passion to the Third Degree .

Pensacola Guy, a cute mid-30-something I dated once in the early spring of this year, has suddenly remembered my number after disappearing, mainly due to his work and some trips abroad. He’s back in town as of this past week and wants to go out.

I’ve declined to see him again.

No special reason. And that’s just it.

He’s fun, I suppose. I just wasn’t attracted to him. He’s intelligent…he’s…I don’t know. I think a lot of other girls would be quite happy with him, but I’ve declined.

It’s not that I wouldn’t give him a second chance. It’s not that I wouldn’t be willing to give any guy a second chance. But I have a guideline for that.

I have to feel good being with someone. There are guys I’ve dated that I’ve felt really good with—I mean really good just hanging out with—and though I haven’t seen them in a while, I’d be willing to see if that really good feeling is still there. It’s that feeling of omigod-can-we-just-bottle-this? When you both know you’ve connected.

I can’t say that for Pensacola Guy. I found myself watching the clock during our first and only date. I found myself wondering if I’d have enough time to water the plants when I got home and how to make sure he didn’t invite himself back to the house. There was no sense of wanting to keep talking to him or wishing the night wouldn’t end. And that’s what I want in a date. In just hanging out with a guy. In just “doing nothing” with a guy.

So that’s my guideline. Not that he’s not worth seeing again but that my time with him doesn’t leave me feeling wonderful.

And not that I expect every minute with any man to leave me feeling wonderful every time, but it’s got to be a lot more often than none at all for me to agree to another date.

Being with someone I feel good with is special reason enough.