The Ten of Cups Is What I Want
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Contrast.
Thereâ€™s a reason I keep the Ten of Cups card on my Light Altar, on the church rail right next to my Celtic Jesus statue. Â In the Â Tarot Â deck, the Â Ten Â of Cups Â is the happy ending emotionally. Â Itâ€™s peace,Â joy, contentment, the emotional culmination of the happy home and family. Itâ€™s Â new Â love, Â carried Â through Â bonding Â and Â friendship, through balance, Â to Â the Â satisfaction Â and Â fulfillment Â of feelings. Yeah, a nice image to keep Â in the foreground and manifest when Iâ€™m considering love relationships.
The church rail is perfect for such images and reminders. Almost two years ago, I found the antique rail while treasure-hunting with the girls. It zinged with energy and caught my attention right away. It had been hauled from a church in Los Angeles to Florida, but before that, it had made its home in Scotland, a place Iâ€™ve always wanted to visit. The delicate thistle carvings on the rail have always fascinated me. The choir must have stood behind the rail because the top has a ledge for hymnals or maybe Bibles. Though now itâ€™s Tarot cards and spiritual drawings that it holds, like my Ten of Cups.
But it is a Ten of Cups card, and not a Ten of Pentacles, which represents the ultimate in worldly success and wealth. Nor is it the Ten of Wandsâ€”too many ideas and too much workâ€”or the Ten of Swords, the card of misfortune and more conflict than one can stand. The Ten of Cups is what I want.
Last summer, Â I had several Â opportunities Â that I decided to forgo. I was at times on the lonely side, the bane of all single people, and in need of both adult conversation and affection from the Â opposite sex. I had the opportunity to get involved with new people Â on Â a purely physical levelâ€”pretty much my pick of menâ€”but it wasnâ€™t Â what Â I Â wanted. Â I Â didnâ€™t Â see Â in Â it Â the Â fulfillment Â I wanted.
But I Â had Â two Â opportunities Â for Â something Â better, something longer lasting.
One was with a rocket scientist Iâ€™ve been friends with at work for years. It was a short window of opportunity, but if Iâ€™d wanted a nice companionable Â relationship with good conversation Â for 6 Â months or so, it was there for me. Iâ€™ve always enjoyed my conversations with him, but he and I have never Â had any physical Â chemistry Â and I canâ€™t imagine it starting at this point. I have a lot of respect for his man, but thereâ€™s no spark there. I knew that any attempt at a romantic Â relationship Â would not have been long-term and there would be no going back to being friends. Â Some Â people Â are never Â meant Â to be more than friends and Iâ€™m just not interested Â in giving myself to Â that Â deep Â an Â emotional Â level Â in Â something Â I Â know doesnâ€™t stand a chance at long-term. I guess that means Iâ€™m interested only in serious relationships.
The other relationship, had I given it a chance, had all the Â markings Â of â€œserious.â€ Â I could Â see Â combining Â fortunes with this man, perhaps even a new family with him. Definitely Â long-term.Â Â An Â intelligent,Â Â successful,Â Â hardworking man with lots to talk about and supportive of my dreams. Still no chemistry, though, and I just donâ€™t go out with men I donâ€™t feel a spark with. But it could have been a Â good Â relationshipÂ Â if Â Iâ€™dÂ Â pursued Â it, Â one Â of Â those â€œmatureâ€ relationships where life together is more about the life youâ€™ve built separately than what youâ€™ll ever build together. I guess Iâ€™d rather build a life with someone than simply share what I already have. For some reason, I always equated Â the possibility Â of a relationship Â with him with the Ten of Pentacles. Successful, yes. But not necessarily everything I want emotionally, and not that spark of alchemy I crave.
So those have been my choices over the last seven months. Three Â doors Â opened Â for Â me, Â and Â I closed Â all three.
Door #1 would probably have brought me something icky, pardon Â the medical terminology. Â And Iâ€™d probably have Â some Â psychologicalÂ Â relationship Â garbage Â and/or self-esteem issues to work through now if Â Iâ€™d Â gone that route. Not to mention Â what I mightÂ have exposed Â my family to. Itâ€™s not enough for me to be with someone just because heâ€™s physically charming.
Door #2 Â would Â probably Â have Â been Â over Â with Â by now, but Â would have been a nice temporary solution to my desire to be in a relationship again. I think the lack of physical attraction would Â have left Â me sort of ho-hum and I donâ€™t think our friendship would have survived an attempt at romance. Itâ€™s not enough for me to be with someone just because heâ€™s a good friend.
Door #3 would have been successful on many levels, but lacking on ones that are just too important to ignore. If weâ€™d attempted a courtship, I think we would probably have been moved in together and be married/committed by now. But Iâ€™m not sure the emotional fulfillment Â and sexual attractionÂ would be there. Itâ€™s not enough for me to be with someone Â just because the relationship Â is successful and Â prosperous Â by Â anyone Â elseâ€™s Â standards. Â Itâ€™s not enough Â to have a relationship Â thatâ€™s Â really aboutÂ a business and social partnership.
Iâ€™m picky. I can afford to be. Itâ€™s my life Iâ€™m talking about.
Maybe the Ten of Cups will be behind Door #4. ThatÂ is, after all, what I am attracting to me now.