Every year around this time, I do a little life coaching exercise that’s featured in Give Your Life Direction.  The idea is to make a list of things I wish I could say but, for whatever reason, can’t.  Maybe because the other person is dead.  Maybe because it would be too dangerous to confront them.  Maybe because the other person lives far away.  Or maybe because I just don’t feel I can be honest with my emotions, whether they are jealous, angry, or wounded.  My fifth chakra, the throat chakra, has often been rather weak, but I’ve been actively strengthening it.

The first year I tried this exercise, I had a list as long as my arm.  It was only  “supposed” to be ten things, but I kept going, shocked at how much I’d kept bottled up.  A few years later, the list was down to the five to eight range. Last year, I had to dig a little harder and still ended up in the five to eight range, thanks mostly to some secrets I was keeping for someone else. Every year of this exercise, the burden gets a little lighter.

I sat down a few days ago to make my list for the year…and nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

The closest I could come was a conversation I’d like to have with one particular man in my life who has been out of town, but I’ve held off only because it would be nicer to have the conversation  face-to-face, alone.  It’s nothing bad–no anger, no jealousy, no I’m-hurt, no why-did-you-do-this?, no nothing of that sort.  Instead, it’s just a nice talk about something personal and lovely.

Right now, there’s little to nothing that I have bottled up, no emotion I’m swallowing because I’m afraid to say it or fear the ramifications if I do.

I kinda like it this way.