Category: What It Is Wednesday
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What It Is Wednesday: Losing Faith
“I lose my faith in people…why even take the time?” –“Shut In” by Strand of Oaks Sitting in the doc’s reception area, waiting to be called back, & I just keep shaking my head in disbelief at some people. Most of my friends know I’ve had huge issues with hypocrisy since I was 14 or…
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What It Is Wednesday: The Lie of Leading Someone On
I’ve seen this more than once & my intuition flamed every time & I ignored it. Guy tells me something a little…odd…out of the blue. It’s a half-truth but bc I believe him to be honest, I don’t on the surface recognize it as such. In fact, it’s presented in a way to make me…
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What It Is Wednesday: Cutting People Out
I am known for cutting people out of my life. That’s because it’s an external response, sometimes a very public one. What isn’t known is the months or even years of internal response, the patience, the multiple second chances, the trying so hard for so long, the bazillion times my boundaries are breached and I…
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What It Is Wednesday: Fighting Back
Some days I wonder if I might burn in Hell for the things I’ve done, namely times when I’ve balanced a mighty imbalance or justified filling a vast injustice so that the landscape could be traversed again. There is always the opportunity afterward to sit with my decision for a while, to wonder if I…
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What It Is Wednesday: Killing Off My Core Belief about Marriage
For most of my life, I’ve been pretty happy with the idea of undefined relationships. They could be close and emotionally intense and defy all known tropes in a romantic relationship. Here’s the thing: I kinda LIKED being in a relationship I couldn’t define. If it couldn’t be defined, then no one could say, “This…
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What It Is Wednesday: How Prayers Are Answered
I believe the answer to prayer takes the path of least resistance. Sometimes praying for something better means everything around you falls away harshly before something new and good can grow out of scorched earth. Or praying that people will see what you’re really like may mean painful public controversy and proving yourself to the…
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What It Is Wednesday: The Coldness of Self-Protection
I feel ashamed at the moment. Facebook Memories are messing with me badly. Most of those old posts that are being resurrected via FB are private/only for me, but they still pack a wallop. One “memory” turned up a few minutes ago and for a split second I was back in those mornings of waking…
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What It Is Wednesday: I Wish I Were Younger
For the first time in my life, I wish I were younger. Probably not for reasons you might think. I’ve always fired back at newly-forty-somethings who insist they’re old and promptly pigeon-hole themselves into an older mindset that seems to age them prematurely. I’ve never felt my physical age, and I’ve certainly never had the…
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What It Is Wednesday: Orange Tabby Cats
Orange tabby cats make me feel better. Why? Because they are my reminders to keep the faith, to keep my focus on where I’m going. Whenever I start to doubt, they show up. Like in my newsfeed tonight at a moment of despair. A sign from God, I was told. Watch for it, I was…
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What It Is Wednesday: Am I Happy? Content?
I’m still mulling over what I’m taking as a compliment, though I’m not sure if it was meant that way. I seldom am shown how other people view me, unless it’s the rumor mill and that’s never ever flattering and rarely carries more than a kernel of truth. But it was interesting hearing a different…