I can’t believe I actually have to tell people how to behave.  Really?  I mean, really????

While I am very much a live-and-let-live kind of person and I don’t believe that there’s only one way to do most anything, certain behaviors bother the hell out of me and will get you banned from any circle, ritual, or workshop I lead, and possibly barred from attending secular social occasions I host.  That may sound harsh, and if it does, well, our energy isn’t going to mesh well in a ritual so best if we just end it there.

By behaving, I mean basic etiquette, not whether or not you choose to get naked in circle or get a little carried away jumping over Beltane fertility fires at a festival.  Yeah, yeah, we’ve all been there.  Let’s see if you can spot the common denominator  in Lorna’s Rules for Behaving Yourself in Circle, other than “Wow, Lorna’s really bitchy tonight.”

Lorna’s Rules for Behaving Yourself in Circle:

1.  If you’re having a horrible day and pissed at the world, stay home. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, but that turbulent energy doesn’t belong in my circle, unless I’ve specifically said, “Hey, I know everyone is having a rough week, so come on over and we’re going to get rid of it together,” and then I do one of my well-loved “handwashing” rituals and we all  lift and clear that energy together.

Have you ever been in circle with everyone and one person is in a foul mood that brings down the rest of the group?  If you’re not empathic or aren’t strongly aware of energy, you may notice or be mildly annoyed, but it won’t necessarily ruin your experience in circle.  For those who feel energy keenly, it’s discordant…jagged…in circle and it becomes a drain on the group energy.

I made my first choice of this sort about 10 years ago as a would-be participant.  I’d been looking forward to a Winter Solstice ritual to manifest my intentions for the next year and was sooo excited.  When I arrived home after work, a letter in the mail informed me that I’d just lost the promotion I’d been working toward for the last two years.  I was devastated and angry, and even though I still wanted to go to the ritual, I knew that my horrid mood would disturb the flow of energy for everyone else.  All I could focus on right then was my loss and my anger, so instead I spent time in a private ritual of my own, grieving my promotion and releasing the anger until my energy ran clear.  If I’d gone to the group ritual, I would have spent my time sulking or complaining rather than working through the issues.  Worse, in that kind of bad mood, it was entirely the wrong kind of energy to manifest my wonderful intentions for the year, and I didn’t need to attach negativity to my lofty goals.  Much better to wait a little bit and lift up those intentions with pure, positive energy and love.

2.  Arrive on time. Yes, we all know the joke about rituals starting on Pagan Standard Time.  We also know that it’s no joke.  The ritual scheduled to start at 7 PM (that you beg off work early to get to on time) may easily start at 9 PM or later.  However, if there is ONE thing I’m very structured about, it’s my time and not wasting it.  If we are all waiting for you to show up and can’t start without you, you are stealing that time from us.  There are many other things we could be doing than waiting for you to roll in whenever you feel like it.

If you can’t arrive on time–and things do happen–let your circle leader know.   Depending on the group’s size and purpose, it may be possible to switch ritual or workshop time with social time or to accomodate you somehow.  Maybe, maybe not.    I usually structure my Gatherings so that we have some social time up front, then dinner, then workshop/ritual, then time for questions, chat, or readings.  Because a few people have trouble with leaving work on time, I never start a workshop or ritual until after 7PM, but I have to be up at the crack of dawn for work the next morning so we stick to a schedule as much as possible.  If you miss the meal, then you can help yourself later.

3.  If you’re not there when the circle is cast, don’t try to force yourself into the ritual. Or, if you arrive late for a workshop, quietly take your seat  and don’t make the speaker start all over with questions or interruptions.

If you can’t make it or something prevents you from being in circle with me, that’s okay.  I have a philosophy about it that I’ve written about before in my article,  No-Shows: Applying a Spiritual Lesson to Personal Relationships.

Back in 2000, Maggie Shayne, Evelyn Vaughn, and I led an Open Circle in Washington DC at the Romance Writers of America National Conference.  It was very well-attended, but one of the women who’d really wanted to participate had a minor mishap on her way to the Circle.  A sprained ankle or something of that sort.  She had to sit out the event and watch from a distance.   It was at that point that Maggie passed along something to me that I’d heard for the first time but was reiterated to me in my own spiritual practice over the next few years:

Don’t be upset if someone isn’t able to attend a ritual, service, or group event.  You may not know the reason, but they aren’t meant to be there at that particular time.

I have been astonished, however, by people showing up 30 minutes into a ritual and demanding the leader let them in.  I recently spoke to a very sweet-hearted priestess who, against her better judgment, allowed a late-comer who completely broke apart the energy of the circle by disrupting and then dominating the ritual with her attitude.  Normally the priestess would not have allowed the late-comer in, but she was trying to be  accommodating  and a good hostess and she caused herself a lot of unnecessary strain.

4. Your cell phone does not belong in circle. I can’t believe I have to include this!

I don’t mind discreet texting in a workshop I’m leading but please put the phone on vibrate and leave the room to take a call.  Or am I supposed to stop my workshop and everyone wait for you to chat 10 minutes?  Then again, we have put 7 phones in the middle of a workshop so we can talk about the Ghost Radar app but  it was related to the discussion itself and we all had fun with it as a group.  (See? I’m not totally a stick in the mud!”)

As for rituals, leave the phone in the house, in another room, or on silent but outside and away from the actual circle.   I do not care that your clingy girlfriend needs to hear from you every 15 minutes or  she thinks you’re cheating on her–stop texting and sexting and pay attention to ritual or sit it out.  I’m understanding that you’re waiting to hear from sick relatives,  and I encourage you to have an appointed time to check in with them….as long as you’re not answering their call in the middle of Quarter Call.

Ritual is your time to give your full attention to the Gods…and I don’t want to see a Facebook post that says, “Awesome!  We’re now washing away our old wounds and Buttercup is crying her eyes out over an ex-boyfriend she thought she was over!”

5.  Do not carry on full-length conversations via sign language during a ritual or even a workshop.  OMG.  I could not make this stuff up.

Before my current spiritual circle became a closed or private group–and part of the reason we decided to close it and focus on serious students–I had a couple of women in their 20’s attend several workshops and rituals in my home.  In the middle of the first workshop, with all of us seated in a circle, one of them began making wild hand gestures about 5 feet to my left.  Then the other, about 5 feet to my right, answered her with a flurry of hand motions while I was focusing on giving precise instructions.  I completely lost my train of thought and stopped my workshop, to which one said, “Oh, go ahead.”  When I asked them to please stop distracting both their teacher and fellow students, they didn’t understand the problem.  After all, it wasn’t like they were being LOUD.  And then they continued, after being asked to stop, to hold sign language discussions during the workshops and rituals.  They are, to this day, on my banned list.

Please come back for Part 2 of this article next Friday.  Until then, behave yourself!

(By the way, my current private circle?  The group was fine-tuned until we have had none on these problems in several years.)

Be careful what you wish for, especially in how you frame your desire with words.  Sometimes I think the Universe is sitting back, howling, slapping its all-powerful knee, and saying, “Hey, the Law of Attraction always works!  You received exactly what you asked for!”

One of the things I’d put on my list of intentions for my Burning Bowl ritual at Winter Solstice 2010 was a new dress size, one I hadn’t seen since my pre-motherhood weight of 113 pounds– a size 10. Yep, I was wearing sizes 8s and 10s when I was still light enough to walk on football players’ backs in college.  Within 30 days of setting that intention, I’d lost 20 pounds, with more to follow over the course of the year  (upcoming book on that, of course!). 

At my 2011 Burning Bowl gathering, I was comfortably in size 10’s, some even too loose to keep on my shoulders.  I’d started wearing 8’s and even a couple of size 6’s.  I decided to fine-tune my “look good naked” intention a little and said, “Okay, I want more 8’s in my closet this year.”

Well….

The brand new pair of size 8.5 heels I bought in mid-December looked like they’d be just perfect for a New Year’s dress…until I walked right out of them.  Huh?  Same thing with another pair of 8.5’s.  My squeezy-tight size 8’s, though, were a perfect fit.  Perfect.

How odd, I thought.  I’ve been wearing 8’s since I was 12 years old, and 8’s and 8.5’s since my first baby.  I have great arches and I don’t have fat feet!  Plus, I’d lost and kept off over 25 pounds for almost a year.  Why the sudden change?  (Yeah, yeah, Law of Attraction.  I know.)

After a bit of research on whether feet shrink with weight loss, I discovered that yes, they can, though usually not by more than a size. The bone structure doesn’t change but you can have fat deposits on your feet as well as on your hands and fingers.  Hmmmm.  I never would have thought, but there’s a correlation there between a specific food group I gave up entirely over the autumn and inflammation in the body.  I have had to buy new shoes for both work and athletics in the past week.  So yes, my shoe size shrank from 8.5 to a nice 8. 

To a nice 8.  Yes.  Of course.  My closet suddenly has a lot more size 8’s.

Oh, damn you, Law of Attraction.  Damn you.  I didn’t know I needed to specify Size 8 DRESSES.

How My Burning Bowl Ritual Began

Years ago, I made New Year’s resolutions.  Usually the same ones, every year:  lose weight, stop biting my nails, whatever.   And after the first month (weeks, days, hours….) of trying really hard, I’d find I’d already failed at my resolution.  Yet every year, I made them, even though I was pretty sure when I wrote them down that they’d never happen.  Some of my friends and I even joked that all New Year’s resolutions failed.  But New Year’s Day was a good time to overturn past bad habits and start fresh.  I like fresh starts–I think most people do–and New Year’s Day is generally the biggest fresh start on the calendar.  So I wanted fresh starts.  I wanted to change things up.  I wanted life to be BETTER.

But year after year, I made my resolutions on New Year’s Eve and started fresh the next day and…failed within the month.  The longest any resolution ever lasted was until Valentine’s Day.   I really never had faith in my resolutions or in myself.

Resolutions Are Still Resolutions

Around 2004, fresh out of a 2-decade relationship–one hell of a fresh start–I turned down invitations to parties where too many people wanted to give me relationship advice, and chose to spend the evening alone, quietly, and contemplate the new year in the presence of a backyard fire pit.  It was a quiet night for me, just sitting by a fire and writing down all the things I wanted to say goodbye to and throwing little pieces of paper into the fire.  Then I wrote down the things I wanted in my life, and I threw more pieces of paper into the fire.  These were my resolutions, but in two piles:  what I didn’t want and what I did.  Not a lot of difference in previous years, but more contemplation and more of a personal ritual.  Several of the things on my list actually happened, though some were far into the next year.

Honoring the Past, Inviting the Future

The next year evolved somewhat.  A writer-friend of mine referenced a fire pit ritual as a “burning bowl,” and I loved that.  I also decided to “honor” the things I was saying goodbye to and “invite” in the things I wanted.  No more resolutions.  That word alone had so much consternation in it, such blunt force rather than smooth-flowing allowing.  That year, in anticipation of 2006, I honored my past and invited my future. 

The idea of “honoring” bad stuff in the past was hard to swallow, even though one of my spiritual teachers spoke often of it.  To me, to honor things that had hurt me meant somehow saying those things were good or even “okay.”  Yet, through this process, I came to understand that even the bad things had shaped me into who I was or had made me understand better what I really wanted out of life, and so I could honor the results of that experience.

Taking Action

I made another change that year in my New Year’s resolutions.  I decided to add an action word for the coming ear and a theme for the coming year.  For 2006, it was Manifest and Risk Everything.  I chose those words because of the things that had happened in the previous year.  Funny thing–that was the year I truly came to understand intention and manifestion, and began to let go and just let wonderful things come into my life.   By the end of the year, some of the really important things on my list had happened.  Some were hard, like ending long-term friendships with people I had allowed to make too many decisions in my life.  They were relationships that had fulfilled their purpose long ago but I’d held onto them until they I sometimes didn’t want to be around those friends because so often with them, I felt bad about myself and my life.  It hurt tremendously when those friendships ended but I was living their lives, not mine.

When that year ended and I looked back at my action word and theme, I realized that, while I had certainly not been there when I’d stated them to the stars alone on that New Year’s Eve, I was definitely THERE a year later. 

Welcoming Change

The biggest difference in the next year’s ritual was that I changed from “inviting” in wonderful changes I wanted to “welcoming” in those changes.  Can you feel the difference in choice of words?  You can invite and it not come, but if you welcome it, it’s there! I also stop referring to them as resolutions and changed the mindset to “intentions.”  I was firmly a student of the Law of Attraction at this point and had a much better understanding of it. 

Changing Times

In 2008, I made the biggest change and the most successful in terms of seeing my intentions manifest in flesh and blood.  That was the year that almost everything I stated I wanted/welcomed/expected did indeed come to me.  My new spiritual circle had been going strong for 9 months and I decided to invite everyone over for a Winter Solstice ritual, on the first day of the Winter Solstice.  This way, we could support each other in our intentions and boost off of that group energy when setting our intentions for the next year and honoring some of the harder stuff of the previous year.  Because I’m a big fan of astrology and celestial cycles, I also decided to do it in the first degree of Capricorn (Winter Solstice), symbolic of setting goals that will become solid.  Of course,  a New Year’s Burning Bowl ritual doesn’t have to be done then, but it works best for me and so that why I do it then.

As I wrote in a previous article:

The timing of the Burning Bowl ritual is important to me.  I prefer to do it on the day of the Winter Solstice because of the symbolism.  Not only is this the longest night of the year, but it’s the day many cultures and religions celebrate the “Return of the Light,” as the days begin to lengthen after this night.  It’s also the first degree of Capricorn, an astrological symbol of manifestation–and the beginning of the new year of manifestation–whether you call those intentions or resolutions. 

The Actual Ritual

Since Winter Solstice 2008, I’ve been doing the same ritual with friends, developing our resolutions/intentions, creating action words and themes for the coming year, and celebrating and supporting each other.  I serve a “feast” of roasted chicken and beef, and lots of vegetables and fruits, prepared as simply as possible so that they are are close to nature as possible.   We begin the feast with a “never hunger/never thirst” blessing and a passing and breaking of bread (those of us who are gluten-free partake symbolically and then give the bread to the birds the next day).

Here’s a reiteration of a previous article on the process and what makes my resolution parties so special:

For this year’s Burning Bowl ritual, once our feast was complete, I handed out sheets of paper to each guest and asked them to draw a big T on the paper. This was their personal list to take home, so they can put away their list and review it later in the year.   On the left column, they were to write down the things they want to honor and bid farewell to in the coming year.  Saying goodbye to these things will make room for better things to come.  I gave examples from my own list for the year:

Fretting over the lack of ——– in my life

Any insecurity or jealousy over ——–

Worry about ——-

Most of my dinner guests chose things like bad health habits, obsessions over certain people, money worries, unfulfilling jobs, and long-carried emotional pain. 

Once they were done with the things they wanted to say goodbye to, I had them turn their attention to the right column and write down things that they welcomed in for the next year.  Not things they resolved to do.  Not things they “invited” in, but may not come.  Rather, things they “welcomed” in because that implies that these things are definitely coming to them and they’ll be happy to have these things in their lives.  In my experience, the majority of things in this list arrive effortlessly throughout the course of the coming year.  I gave a few examples from my own very long list for 2009, beginning on Winter Solstice 2008:

Continue and expand my social circle and spiritual circle of friends and students, with wonderful lessons coming to me and from me

More loving relationships with family, friends, and daughters

An amazing, fun, intimate, creative, and intense sex life –and for my partner to be able to keep up with me

Learning new  things and meeting new people, including things like knife-throwing, archery, and motorcycles

Business opportunities that bring me many different streams of abundantly flowing income and allow me to be mobile in my workspace and hours

My dinner guests welcomed in a huge variety of things that were very personal to each.  I thought that was funny that we tended to want to get rid of the same things that weighed us down but what we wish to come into our lives was quite diverse.  I loved some of the younger guests’ desires for good mentors, career guidance, confidence, and many of the things that my older guests didn’t consider until they heard these later.  I was amazed at the maturity of some of the youngest guests when it came to participating in this exercise.

When everyone finally had their list completed, I asked them to consider a verb for the next year and a simple phrase or mantra.  These are, in effect, my themes for the next year, and usually go hand in hand. I have to pick the exact words, and that sometimes means digging out the thesaurus to make sure each word has exactly the connotation I’m looking for.   My themes for the past few years and for the coming year? 

2006:  Manifest  and Risk Everything

2007:  Enjoy and Allow Miracles

2008:  Thrive and  Celebrate Everything

2009:  Enchant and Be Delighted

My guests began to think of their themes for the next year, some brainstorming with others to come up with the perfect word. Once they had their themes, they committed them to memory for later in the evening.  They chose words like Relax, Recalibrate, Have Fun, Be Adventurous, Succeed, Liberate Myself, Accept, Live Life to the Fullest.

For the next part of the evening, I brought out wine glass goblets that I’d bought for 50 cents each from a local pottery store.  I could have gone with plastic champagne glasses but I wanted something that my guests could take away with them.  I’d also tried to find those little rings–wine glass jewelry–that dangle from the stem, but couldn’t find them anywhere in town.  While walking through a discount store after a sushi lunch with my eldest child, I happened on an earring display and found not what I was looking for but something better.  I picked out about 10 pairs of deeply discounted gemstone and shell hoop earrings that closed the hoop with a clasp.  Each fit perfectly around the stem of a wine glass and made a nice souvenir to be imbued with the energies of the evening and taken away as a souvenir, to be worn later, attached to a car mirror or lamp pull, etc. 

Next, I handed out little inventory tags to my guests.  These were purchased at the local Office Max in the section where they sell tags and stickers for garage sales.  Each tag was about 2 inches long, with a string attached.  My guests wrote a symbol, picture, or word on the tags to represent what they wanted to say goodbye to and placed the tags in the goblet’s bowl.  These were placed inside the glass because their cups are already full of these things.

My guests then wrote symbols, pictures, and words on the tags to represent things they wanted to welcome for the coming year.  They tied these tags to the stem of the glass and let them dangle.

For the actual ritual, I’d hoped to gather in my backyard, but the below-freezing weather made it impractical, so we moved my grandmother’s aged cauldron into my open garage and started a very small fire in the cauldron, which served as our burning bowl instead of the usual barbecue fire pit in the backyard.

We formed a circle around the burning bowl, each of us holding a candle.  I lit mine and then then person’s next to me, she lit her neighbor’s on the left, and so forth until the circle was complete.  Because our guests were of varying spiritual backgrounds,  we asked the Archangels–something common to most belief systems present–to witness our intentions. 

After some brief explanations about the symbolism of the ritual, each guest tossed tags from inside their glasses into the fire, saying goodbye to the things that no longer serve them and that they wish to get rid of in the coming year.  Some called out these things proudly.  Most performed this part of the ritual silently, as was their perogative. 

Then, one by one, and in no particular order, the guests allowed me to cut the tags from the stems, leaving evidence of their desires in place around the stem, and offered the tags representing things to be welcomed in into the fire, with our intentions carried away by the smoke to come to fruition over the next year.  Some of the guests were exhuberant at this point and it was so much fun to see them enjoying this and feeling so much lighter and more hopeful.

When all the tags were gone, I then offered each guest a choice of grape juice or champagne and filled their glasses.  We each called out our themes for the new year and toasted to them, clinking our glasses.  Then we closed our evening with thanks to the Archangels for bearing witness.

The biggest difference, I think, in this Burning Bowl ritual filled with intentions toward what we welcome in and the usual resolving to do  a host of things that will get rid of bad habits to that so many of our intentions are not things we actually have to go do (and fail at) ourselves.  These are more like a wish list to God, the Universe, Goddess, or whatever belief system you follow so that we allow Deity to bring these to us and we simply welcome them when they get here.  Since I’ve been doing these Burning Bowl rituals, about 90% of my desires are fulfilled within the first 8 months of the year–and some are ones I just never thought would have happened, and certainly not on my own. 

What Was Different this Year

Not everything went perfectly for this year’s Burning Bowl, but we didnt’ sweat the small stuff.  The stormy weather and other obligations meant some guests couldn’t make it. We had to move the ritual into the garage again because of the rain, and even my Christmas lights on the front of the house had shorted out before we began.  And yet, it was a very serene ritual with an almost giddy energy (for me) at the end.  We’d started in a wide circle, murmuring as we cast old problems into the fire and by the end, the circle had moved in very close.  There were funny moments when someone cast “stress, anxiety, and drama” into the fire and suddenly another 5 or 6 people rushed forward with “me, too!” and cast off their problems, too. 

This year, 2012, for most of my circle will be another year of big turning points.  Some have had horrendous years and are ready for that fresh start.

Signs of Personal Growth

Long after everyone had gone home (it was a weeknight), my elder daughter and I sat up and talked.  I’m glad she did because I’d been thinking I was the only one who’d had a problem earlier in the day with what to honor from the past and what to invite in.  I’d taken a long walk to ground myself and contemplate, and yet, I’d come home almost empty-handed.  You see, for all the stress and rollercoasters she and I have had in our separate lives this last year, it’s also been a phenomenal year for us both filled with lots of productivity, creativity, love, and happiness. 

My 2011 word was Bask and my theme was Enjoy Bliss!  For 2012, it’s Frolic and Stay Radiant!

Like my daughter, I’d had an awfully hard time coming up with awful things to say goodbye to.  I didn’t have an awful year of user boyfriends or drama queen stalkers (just some echoes from the past).  My list was half-hearted at best.  Sure, I could say goodbye to those last extra pounds, but I’m not unhappy with where I am now, and being down about 30 pounds since the last ritual means fine-tuning at this point.  I’m already in  the dress size I welcomed in last year, and less.  I said goodbye to bills, but that was in reference to my daughters being out of my house and on their own.  I said goodbye to rollercoasters because some of my friendships and relationships have had a lot of ups and downs, and I want that to smooth out nicely to just some exhilarating curves and none of the bottom-dropping-out-from-under spins through mid-air.  I said goodbye to something at work that I already know is going away in the big reorganization that’s coming, but it needed to be honored.  I said goodbye to a health concern that I feel will go away just as the others from last year have…the last of the bunch.  I had to stretch to find my goodbye list. Why?  Because to me, they seem like they’re already gone.

For the things I am welcoming in, those were just as difficult to name.  There is no one great big thing I want to welcome into my life in the next year that I don’t already have.  I got everything I wanted from last year, so this year, I simply asked for more of each or the next step up and forward with each. 

That’s when it hit me that yes, I had an amazing year.  I want for nothing.  I have all the things that stir my emotions and make me happy and I don’t have any of the things in my life that push me down.  The only thing I can ask for… is more of the joy.

I didn’t put up Halloween decorations this year, contrary to what you might think.  I mean, I’m the neighborhood witch so certainly you’d think I’d have all sorts of styrofoam displays, ghosts hanging in trees, plastic skulls cackling on the front porch.  Nope, not this year.  In fact, I’m not even putting out my usual jack-o-lanterns and displays for the trick-or-treaters.  I’ll have the light on for them, and a big bag of treats, but that’s it this year. 

Why?  Because I need to take back Halloween.

It’s one of my special holy days and the proliferation of Halloween lights, plastic, and …commercialized garbage…has it looking like a horror-show version of Christmas and Easter.  I’m not against displays, lights, costumes, parties, etc.  Just…this year…I need a quiet holiday.  All the “stuff” cheapens the meaning to me.

So this year, I’m not even having a big gathering at my home for a Samhain feast.  Instead, I’m handing out candy to the neighborhood kids–truly a scary thought to me after refusing to let junk food in my house again–and then I’m spending the rest of the evening by a quiet little bonfire in my back yard, where I’ll comtemplate the wheel of the year and the abundance of harvest as I move into a new year. 

Then later in the week, I’ll join friends and family at the Florida Pagan Gathering to honor my spirituality with a group, sit under chilly night air around a huge bonfire and watch the sparks off it join the stars above while drummers beat in unison.  I may even have a couple of Dixie cups of mead.  And then I’ll come back home after contemplating life, death, and the veil between with a new lease on life that feels far more real than something plastic and packaged from the local WalMart.

I’m at the point in my spiritual life where I no longer need tools.  Oh, don’t get me wrong–I love my tools just I still love the beauty of a well-crafted ritual.  I just don’t use them much anymore.  I haven’t needed to in several years, and when I do now, it’s sheer indulgence in Art rather than Craft. 

I so seldom use tools or formal rituals anymore that my younger daughter has mistaken my lack of evident practice for turning my back on my spirituality.  I haven’t–I’ve just jumped to a new level where old techniques are no longer needed even though I’m still very fond of them and, because I’m a bit theatrical, may always enjoy them.  Nowadays, however, I manifest in a flick of a thought, rather than needing the force of structure or lure of ritual mindset to find that sweet spot for bringing my heart’s desires into solid form.  Few people ever even know when I’m in ritual mode because they mistake it for a quiet moment with my feet in the grass or staring at sparkling water.  Nothing else is needed but the intention in my head and the belief in my heart.

Which is why, with something delicious coming now into my life, I’m doing a bit of decluttering of tools I rarely use or will likely never use.  I’m giving away and throwing out candles, herbs, a few other tools that have aided me in answered prayers in the past. Somewhere in the gentle push for me to make space in my home, I came across a small jar of incense that I’d forgotten about.  I remembered the moment I opened the cork stopper and all the dragon’s blood, sandlewood, frankincense, roses, and more wafted out and wrapped around me like some dark, heavy cloak from my past.  I’d meant to throw it out years ago, bury it in the corner of the yard with the rest of the boxed up trinkets and jewelry a former student had left behind at my house.  Somehow this mix of incense, made by my student and left over from his Initiation, was still there in my home, taking up space that’s wanted for something and someone else in my life.

Though the incense itself is still fragrant and strong, the scent now is sickly sweet to a woman’s nose–and bitter to a High Priestess’ heart.  What of the student of Wicca when he is a raw disappointment?

Back in my Black Forest Clan days, when I began my formal training over a decade ago, an Elder took me aside and pointed out all the seekers who’d commited to a trial of a year and a day before Initiation.  There were dozens.  Then she pointed out those who actually made it through Initiation.  Signficantly fewer.  Then there were the much-fewer and extremely beleaguered-looking Second Degree students.  Finally, she pointed out the handful of Third Degree High Priests and Priestesses who’d completed the three-degree formal training. She told me how few made it all the way.  Why?  Because self-work, self-discovery, commitment?  They’re all hard.  Some people get stuck along the way, and even the ones who complete formal training do not automatically get a happy and flawless life but rather, a launching pad to new responsibilities and new adventures that can be just as difficult as anything in the First or Second Degrees.  At the time, I was very impressed, and I was also–like many–quite sure that I had what it took to make this spiritual commitment and see it through.

It was several years before I took on my own students, mainly because I was still cleaning up old messes from my past and healing old wounds.  I had to be on solid ground myself before I could guide anyone else.  That’s past me now.   I’ll soon have graduated half my students to the Third Degree, and I’m very proud of the work they’ve done.  It doesn’t mean they won’t screw up in the future or be overcome at times by doubts or occasionally fail to hold it all together and therefore have to learn something new about themselves and their spirituality to move forward.  Others are slowly making their way through the Second Degree mire, clearing out long-lived shadows and trying out new ideas in their upside down world full of trials and tribulations.

And some barely made it past their Initiation before they failed the very first challenge the Gods presented and dishonored their vows.  I’ve had Third Degrees’ new Initiates flake out inexplicably, and I’ve had it happen myself with students who were absolutely committed…for a few days. Literally, a few days. (Yes, I should have listened to my intuition–lesson learned!)   There’s a reason I ask any new Initiate prior to the ceremony, three times, if he or she is certain enough to proceed. I ask because it’s HARD.  It’s a life-changing motion forward with lots of ups and downs to get to a much better spiritual place.  Students need to know they have some degree of fortitude before committing to something he or she will become stuck in, never moving forward and resolving their issues or dispelling their shadows.

For the High Priest or Priestess, though, it’s disconcerting to see a student fail, no matter how much distance you create emotionally.  Maybe that’s just a point of pride for the teacher who wants all students to pass with straight A’s and be brilliant.  The best thing to remember is that it’s not your journey–though it may influence your journey–but it is that student’s journey.  That student made the oaths, and it is that student’s responsibility to live up to those oaths.  We as Priests and Priestesses are but facilitators or guides.  We cannot travel for the both of us., and if the student cannot walk the sacred path in a truthful, honorable way, then I think it’s best for the guide to withdraw any energy that would be devoted to a student who cannot live his oath and let the gifts he won in his Initiation fade with his commitment.  Elevation is something that, in my opinion, is granted by Spirit for doing the work, and the elevation is not in title or position but in the multitude of spiritual gifts that come from working through shadows and letting the spark within glow. 

As for the incense that reeks of a long-ago ceremony, I decided not to bury it or toss it in the trash to sit un-dispelled in a landfill.  No, instead, I washed it down the drain and let it return to the Earth far away from me.

This year’s Winter Solstice promises to be an extra powerful one for setting your intentions for 2011, especially with the boost not only of a Full Moon but a Full Lunar Eclipse occurring 21 December 2010.   This one will be visible in North America, too, the night before the Winter Solstice.  Let’s take a look at a few details and then I’ll recommend for you my favorite Winter Solstice ritual, the Burning Bowl Ritual.

Good eclipse or bad eclipse?   Er…let’s say “powerful.”  The last time we had an eclipse-Winter Solstice conjunction was 456 years ago, in 1554.   The results can be good but this one’s going to bring in some big emotional shift for some people, particularly in the area of relationships.   It’s time to look at what we’ve built or committed to that’s no longer working and shift with the rockiness that’s coming whether we like it or not–and this is a good time to use the Winter Solstice’s first degree of Capricorn to set our intentions for how this powerful eclipse will manifest in this next year.   More on that below, but I find myself humming Jim Steinman’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

Time: 

For the Eclipse,  21 December 2010 at 2:13 AM Central  (here in NW Florida)

For the Solstice, 21 December 2010 at 5:38  PM Central

Eclipse Degree:  29  Gemini  — The 29th degree is about culmination (just like that full moon).  It’s a time where we tend to see a lot of heroes…and martyrs.

Hardest hit:  Gemini and Sagittarius will be the hardest-hit signs, particularly those born at 25 Gemini to 5 Cancer, since this Eclipse is on the last degree.  If you have a planet (or ascendant) near the 29 Gemini or 29 Sagittarius, you’ll feel it the strongest in the area that planet represents (Venus = romance, finances, creativity).  Watch the first three days after the Eclipse closely–that’s often when big news or events take place and leave you shaken.  Not hard this year,  right before Christmas.  Maybe that’s why some are referring to this as “The Christmas Eclipse.”

Recommended ritual:  Rather than reiterating, I’ll just send you over to a previous article I wrote on the Burning Bowl ritual, “Better than New’ Year’s Resolutions–A Ritual that Really Works.”   As you read it, keep in mind what you’d like to bring in for the next year and if you’ve been stuck or suffering for this past year(s) or feeling trapped, take the willing step to say goodbye to it…so that you’re flowing with this Winter Solstice’s Eclipse energy rather than against it.

For those of you looking for rituals, prayers, or meditations for the Full Moon eclipse on June 26, 2010, I’m not providing a full-length ritual but I do have some powerful suggestions that you may wish to incorporate into your spiritual work.  I realize that many of you are doing work specifically for the Gulf of Mexico oil spill and for health issues, so I’m focusing on those here today.  I think you’ll like the imagery.

Using the astrology signs:  This particular Full Moon is always very powerful to me, especially if it’s close to the Summer Solstice (earlier this week on June 21, 2010).  That’s because the Sun is in Cancer and it’s very much a father-feel to this time of year as the Sun is at its height and the days are longest.  Sun in Cancer is a gentle and fluid form of masculine, protective energy, yet Cancer is ruled by the Moon, which is feminine, fluid, emotional, nurturing.  And this particular Full Moon is in decidedly non-watery, non-fluid, non-emotional, structured and staid Capricorn, an earth sign.  To me, this is about as opposite as you can get.  But…it’s the perfect time for manifesting, especially manifesting emotional things or things that need…”flow.”  Capricorn is the best of all astrological signs for manifesting.  Think of making something rock-solid.

Recommended tool/image to incorporate for a beautiful ritual or prayer: 

Water.  Leave a sealed container of pure water out overnight in the light of the full moon. 

Try to time your prayer/ritual/meditation for the time of the eclipse—here on the Gulf Coast of Florida where we’re watching the oil overtake our white beaches and threaten our groundwater if Tropical Storm/Hurricane Alex comes ashore, the timing is 6:31 AM  Central Time, with the Ascendant in Cancer and the eclipse in the Sixth House of Health and Daily Life.   

During your spiritual work, focus on the some aspect of the water that you would like to manifest solidly .  For example, the water may represent purity of the Gulf of Mexico.  If you’re seeking to improve your health, it might represent contamination in the body being washed away.   It might represent the flow of emotion in a relationship or the ability to be fluid under hard times.   Since this eclipse is under a T-square formation and has many sharp and upsetting angles,  think not so much of disruption but of change to something purer, something that flows better for you. 

Drink the entire container of water during your spiritual work as you visualize it purifying, flowing, etc.

Throughout the next 28 days, drink water as often as possible instead of other liquids, and each time you do, recall this working and bless yourself.

Don’t forget to read the other astrology articles focusing on the eclipse this week!

One of my favorite methods is the one used in this short “instructional” novella, Salt and Fire: Cleansing and House Purification Rituals, by Lauren Hartford.  It’s told in fiction-form to show you step by step how it’s done and any potential hazards to watch out for.

What I like most about the Lauren Hartford Method is that it combines four elements, even though it seems that it would combine only two.  Salt, of course, represents the element of Earth.  Alcohol becomes a burning liquid, so the elements of both Water and Fire seem to play together.  The strong, fresh smell–the element of Air–is the result as the other three elements react to each other. 

Get the book.  It’s only a few bucks and you need to know the dangers before you try such a serious “house-cleaning.”

PDF version. $3.00 Retail Price. Download pdf file now.

Enjoying the sugar-white sand of the Grayton Beach – Destin area at Thanksgiving, pre- Oil Spill. Photo copyrighted; all rights reserved.

Since I posted A Pagan Point of View of the BP Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico a few weeks ago, I’ve been inundated with requests for rituals, spells, and prayers–both pagan and Christian–for the oil spill.   For those of you who know my style of spiritual leadership, you know that I don’t believe in standardizing much of anything, including passing out canned prayers.  HOWEVER, I will give you some ideas to incorporate into your own spiritual work in regard to the oil spill.

I do not believe in publishing one or two rituals for everyone to use because I believe the most effective spiritual work is work you do yourself, work you put yourself and your thoughts into.  That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go write an extensive ritual and perform it at a particular degree of the zodiac or phase of the moon, in my opinion.  I believe that it’s far more important for anyone doing spiritual work for the Gulf of Mexico right now to make a personal connection with Deity, however simple or complex, and then focus on your intentions in your spiritual work.   If I gave you a specific prayer, then it would be a prayer that resonates deeply for me but it would never have the power of a prayer YOU can offer up. 

Here are a few ideas:

Unfortunately, we have a lot to pray for.  Your prayers can go several different directions, depending on which facet of this catastrophe is most important to you or which you feel the need to focus on.  You may want to focus on all of them.

What’s done is done.  Tar balls are already washing up on my beautiful white beaches near Destin, Florida.  The air is thick with a stifling petro smell that triggers my asthma and sends me into coughing fits.  Oil-covered sea life is already being reported.   There is no need to create a ritual to stop this from happening because it’s too late–though perhaps you might want to pray that this will never happen again, especially since it’s so much a repeat of the 1979  oil spill in the Gulf, except exponentially worse.  Imagine our entire country being spurred to come up with real solutions to energy that will make us less or non oil dependent and demanding our politicians work together to help us clean up our world.

You may also want to focus on damage control and on stopping the leaking oil.  After all, the longer the oil is uncontrolled, the more damage to the coastline, wildlife, human health, and the local economies.  Spend some time in your prayers visualizing the best and brightest minds coming up with innovative, fast solutions.  (Granted, at this point, they probably won’t be wearing BP shirts, so really use your imagination.)  Think of the people, companies, think tanks,  and even other countries coming forth to offer solutions that really work.

You could concentrate on the clean-up effort, on creative and bold new ways to counteract any more damage before it can be done.  Give thanks for all the volunteers who are helping to protect the coastline and tend to the ailing wildlife.

Create your own ritual for the protection of the environment from further damage and the healing of all its creatures.  Consider working with Yemaja, the African Goddess of the Ocean, if that appeals to you.

Pray for prosperity to return to the already hard hit local economies that depend on fishing and tourism.  We already recognize the bad economy our country is trudging through right now, but restaurants, hotels, and beaches are empty along the Emerald Coast because tourists are quickly cancelling their vacations and heading to Atlantic beaches or inland instead.   Pray, too, for those families who depend on the fishing industry for their livelihood. Pray that perhaps  help will come for the local communities with as much enthusiasm as other Americans have had for helping the hapless victims of earthquakes in Haiti and natural disasters throughout the world and that the locals won’t have to wonder why they don’t deserve a little help, too.

Pray for those who deal with dark emotions in the wake of this catastrophic oil spill.  What was disbelief and then resignation to the inevitable has become bitterness, anger, and depression for the people who are seeing their shores and their communities tainted with oil.   Pray for those cynics who try to lighten their bitterness with jokes about which BP executives should act as personal filler for the leak, because I dont’ know of anyone apologizing for their feelings.

I suppose you could also pray for the companies responsible and for the men who run them, and that we’ll all find whatever it is that we need to forgive them.  Honestly, though, I can’t do that myself.  I haven’t really witnessed any remorse that felt authentic, and that’s usually what it takes for me to be in a forgiving mood.  It would be disingenuous of me to say otherwise.

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So you see, I could not possibly give you one standardized prayer, ritual, or spell that would cover so very many things this oil spill has visited upon us here on the beaches of Florida.  You’ll have to choose for yourself where to begin. 

I first discovered that I needed a technique for getting the most out of such sites back in 2008.  I was attending a large festival that included some sacred spots.  The group hosting the festival conducted both an opening and closing ritual, and I arrived too late and left too early.

After attending this festival for several years, I noticed a difference when I did not attend the seemingly minor rituals that connected me to the place and then helped me disconnect.  I never even realized that aspect.  I’d thought the opening ritual was just to give me the list of rules for being onsite and the closing ritual was merely a way of thanking the few remaining participants for their hard work.

Without the opening ritual, I found I had a hard time settling into the spot.  I was cranky.  Instead of being excited at being there and having a great time, it took me a full day to feel at home and start to connect with the holiness of the place.   Upon leaving, I spent several very cranky days before I seemed to disconnect from where I’d been.

The next time I attended the festival, I knew I’d miss the opening and closing rituals so I developed a little technique that helps me to get the most out of any ritual area, spiritual festival, or even a historical monument (and yes, I really wish I’d done this when I left Gettysburg with all its extreme empathic energy blasts).

When I first arrive at a spot, as soon as I can, I walk the perimeter.  Barefoot. Preferably in a clockwise circle or direction.  As I walk, I contemplate the physical and metaphysical properties of the place.  If I feel that there are unseen beings or guardians there, I try to give them respect and present myself as a visitor of honor and one who is honored to enjoy this place. I am able to connect quickly and find pleasure in the being there at a very deep spiritual level.

Upon leaving, I walk the perimeter in reverse, barefoot.  I contemplate with humility the place I have experienced spiritually.  I bid it good-bye, with gratitude for the experience.  I’m able to walk away gently as I disconnect.

Lorna Tedder, Ostara 2010

From the upcoming book, Passion to the Third Degree; originally published in 2007.

I am exhilarated, mellow, happy, calm, peaceful, powerful, amazed, excited, sleepy, and awake all at once. Ah, I feel wonderful.

You know it’s a great ritual when you feel the energy coursing through your body to the extent that your whole body is rocking with the waves and your ears throb from the pressure. I love the way a good rit can do that to me.

The sounds of the night birds were beautiful, as was the moon, so clear and full.

No Great Rites this Beltane. The Goddess had something else in mind. I’m eager to sit back and watch. There’ll be rites enough.

No doubts. None.

Now if my ears would just stop pounding….

And of course, I do reek of dragon’s blood, rose oil, and wine….

When I was first looking for a like-minded spiritual group in Northwest Florida, I found several existing circles rather easily.  These were people who were either pagan or pagan-friendly, with anything from a nice mix of different religious beliefs to a finely honed circle with a specific focus.  I contacted each of them and, without their knowing anything at all about me, they all told me that they were currently closed to new members. I felt a little miffed and rejected at the time–weren’t they even willing to meet me and give me a chance?–but now I understand.  A few did offer an explanation  about energetic harmony but having not had my own group before then, I didn’t understand the precariousness of the balance of energy among a small spiritual group, circle, or coven.

Last year, I closed my own group, my fourth, to the public.  Why?  To maintain the “good energy” we’d achieved.  I didn’t want to close it completely and I did want to be able to grow it here and there as members deployed or moved away, so I made to closed to strangers but current members could bring a guest or two occasionally if they thought it would be a good fit.  And, of course, I could bring in other people whenever I wanted, given that it was my group and I was the High Priestess-slash-Facilitator of it.

Wow, have there been lessons!

1. If you’re starting the group, set the rules to suit you. I’d had several small circles between 2003 and 2006, but internal politics always played a role.  Some members wanted to host at their homes, and that just didn’t work.  For the circle I started in March 2008, I decided that the meetings would be at my house every single time.  No exceptions. I enjoy having friends in my home, but I also didn’t want to go back to the problems my second group had where I was often making my way home at 2 AM from a healing circle I’d been misled to think was 40 minutes away instead of 2 hours away.  I wanted the control of when the meetings would be, how often, and without having to worry about babysitters or, more importantly since I was having some problems with my night vision, I didn’t have to drive after dark.

So, in exchange for that control, I set it up so that I provide dinner–usually something simple and buffet-ish, we socialize and discuss the previous gathering’s lessons for the first hour while enjoying dinner, and then I teach an hour-long class or workshop that ends in a free-for-all of questions.  That’s the way I wanted it, and the energy in my house is usually pleasant and steady.  This is a far cry from driving an hour at night to have dinner that won’t be ready until 9PM, teach a class, and have to break every few minutes because the hostess allows her unruly kids to interrupt almost as often as she and her husband yell at each other.  Hey, I don’t think that makes me a control freak…but if I’m making the effort to start a group and teach it, then I make the rules to suit myself.  The people whose energy is congruous with mine will show up.

2.  Be aware of the strangers you allow into your house because they can be the best and worst things to happen to your circle. You never know where that energy’s been! My previous circles had been crafted from friends, best friends, and friends of friends–often with their own agenda.  Circle #2 came to a screeching halt after a married member of the group began inviting her newfound married lover to our meetings so they could meet in a safe place…not to mention sneaking off during my workshops to have loud sex in my bathroom.

When I started my current group, it was after looking around and meeting one-on-one with potential candidates for over a year.  I finally decided to just see who was out there and started the original Wiccan Concepts group in Niceville on Meetup.  I paid all the fees myself, didn’t charge admission, provided dinner and class, and still had at least 75% of every RSVP list turn into a no-show.  That’s a frequent problem on Meetup, yes, but in spite of that, I met my core group through that service.  The first three people to show up  on the first night are still tried and true members after two years, and one of the three chose to pursue Wicca as an Initiate.  Other core members joined within the year, and we had a really nice energy together with true caring among the members.  That kind of balance of energy is what you want to aim for because if the participants are in harmony, then you’re working together with that energy instead of using it to pull in different directions.

Just a side note here:  Though I didn’t originally intend it, my home is a sanctuary for members of my circle.  It’s the one place that some feel they can come to get away from stress and drudgery and luxuriate in an evening of magic and friendship.

Of course, if you’re inviting the general public into your home, you really don’t know what you’re getting.  I got wonderful and I got…problem children.  Normally someone whose energy didn’t mesh with the group would show up once, insist everything be his or her way, and then stomp off in a huff.  I didn’t cry over it.  Occasionally, someone with their own set of problems would show up and spend the evening putting me down or being disrespectful of what I was teaching–I still cannot abide people talking on their cell phones or via sign language while I’m trying to hold a class.  Some would show up and really mesh well with the group but had too many issues with parents or family not wanting them to attend and soon they faded away.

The final straw that caused me to close down my Meetup group and move it to a private, invitation-only basis was  when my daughter caught one of the first-timers going through her things in a cabinet, and later we realized that some of my daughter’s cherished possessions were gone.  Okay, big hot button:  you don’t steal from me.  The Wiccan Concepts group is still on Meetup but–little did I know when I canceled the group–MeetUp allows other people to take over a canceled group and claim it as their own if the moderator steps down.  Otherwise, it’s a good option for meeting candidates for your group whom you’d never meet.

3.  If someone doesn’t show after several invitations, drop it. I’ve had several cases where someone begged me for an invitation, then never showed–usually after I’d cooked for them and made sure enough parking was available so as not to upset my neighbors.  On one hand, I’ve not really understood.  How can you beg to be invited because you’re sure I can show you the one thing you’re looking for and then stand me up several times?  The irony is that the thing they’re looking for is almost always at my house and available to them.  Perhaps the thing I have to offer them is something they shouldn’t really have?  I don’t know, but my rule is, if you turn down my invitation three times, you don’t get invited back.  If you ask to come repeatedly and yet never show, you don’t get invited back because I don’t think you’re serious.

4. Beware of inviting people you’re romantically involved with. I’ve done this several times and have had great and terrible luck, depending on the guy.  In an earlier group, my date was welcomed with open arms and enjoyed the evening, with lots of good input; however, the other women really wanted his attention, and not spiritually.  In my current group, my sweetie quickly became part the group and was adored for himself and for his Tarot talents.  He attended multiple meetings  and was very much a part of the group harmony.  The energy was powerful and balanced.  More recently, I’ve invited three different guys I’ve been involved with.  They’ve all either turned me down instantly because they weren’t comfortable with subject matter or simply didn’t show.  The difference is that the first two men were held similar spiritual interests while the other men in my life haven’t been interested in either attending a gathering or becoming part of the group because their relationships with me lacked the spiritual element.

5.  Other than the lack of consideration, don’t worry about the no-shows. Not long before I decided to pursue formal training in Wicca, I learned a valuable lesson from Maggie Shayne, who created a special open circle with Evelyn Vaughn and me at a Romance Writer’s of America conference in Washington, D.C.   Someone on the way to the open circle, which we led out in a park-like area, had twisted her ankle and couldn’t participate.  Maggie passed on to me that sometimes people aren’t part of the ritual because of reasons we aren’t meant to know.  If they’re supposed to be there, they will be.  I’ve seen people come to rituals and celebrations with anger and jealousy that disturbed the balance of energy, so I no longer question that…though I will question why someone can’t pick up the phone and let me know not to plan for them.

6.  Just because a person is your best friend (or even your spouse) doesn’t mean she should be part of your circle. I brought my open-minded, pagan-friendly, New-Age-Christian, bestest-friend-in-the-world into the periphery of my first circle and more heavily into my second and third.  It wasn’t smooth.  We both wanted it to work but it just didn’t. She was used to being a teacher whenever she was in a crowd and those natural instincts always took over.  No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t be a student.   She struggled with being in “learn” mode vs “teach” mode, and  only occasionally was the energy nicely balanced, usually when we were working together to help someone else.

7.  Just because a person is harmonious with you doesn’t mean he’ll be harmonious with the group. I have had people I adore shock me. I have had friendly, balanced relationships with individuals who shared many of my beliefs and were open to learning and I’ve excitedly invited them to attend a couple of meetings, only to drop them from the invitations later.  I couldn’t believe how different they were in a group–patronizing, negative, disruptive.  It was as if they suddenly forgot they were guests or students in a class, or that the other attendees were  not there for a newcomer’s advice but rather, for what I had to teach them.

8. When inviting new people, try to meet them one-on-one before considering bringing them into the group. There are people I’ve lunched with and never looked back at.  There are others whom I lunch with regularly, but will never invite them to a group function or a workshop.   The energy just isn’t right for the whole group.

9.  When inviting new people to join the group, start on a trial basis. They don’t have to know it’s a trial.  After attending once or twice, you’ll have a feel for whether they contribute to the group energy or detract from it.  You don’t want to commit yourself and then have to end a friendship because the rest of the group can’t bear to have them in the same room.

10.  Consider having long distance or deployed members join the meetings by Skype or speaker phone. I’ve done this with members of different circles, and while it wasn’t the ideal of having them physically present, it does allow for some interaction we’d all be sadder without.  It’s still very possible to “attend” a class by webcam or phone, and even to allow different members of the group to pair off with the phone or webcam for a Tarot reading or detailed discussion.

For me, the hardest part of having a successful group is in maintaining the balance of energy.  I’m now enlisting my daughter to help more with hostessing and sergeant-at-arms duties, mainly because I feel I need to give some attention to newcomers while not forgetting about my tried and true core group.  Sometimes newcomers demand a lot of attention–which has more of a “take” feel that pulls on the group energy, and those people don’t tend to be a good fit for the group.  But every now and then, someone new attends who is respectful and willing to share and just fits in from Day One.  Those people don’t drain and lower the group energy:  they amplify it.  It’s a delicate balance but well worth it if you can achieve it.

Today’s Book Spotlight is on Salt and Fire:  Cleansing and House Purification Rituals.  Lauren Hartford uses a “novel approach” to explaining how to perform a complicated (and possibly dangerous) ritual to cleanse your home.  All details are provided in the form of a short novella, covering the materials needed, the actual process, the dangers, safety precautions, helpful hints and tips, possible results, and various considerations that you won’t find in the usual “how-to” book.

As with all of Lauren’s books in her Priestess Diaries series, these novels, novellas, and short stories  are “teaching fiction.”  They stand alone or can be read as part of a whole if you like the characters Lauren presents.

Salt and Fire is one of the shorter books and can be read easily in one sitting.  Even slow readers can finish it within an hour.  It’s available only in pdf, so you can download it to your computer or mobile phone.   Retail price is $3 – good info, and for the price of a quickie vending machine snack!

Download pdf file now.

Other books by Lauren Hartford focus on protection rituals, hypnosis and guided meditations, the Law of Attraction, and real witch wars, with two upcoming books on listening to your intuition and building inter-dimensional portals.

Understand and amplify your magick and rituals by using the Law of Attraction, whether your intent is to manifest love, prosperity, healing, protection, or something else.

Making your rituals and spells work is easy if you understand Universal Law.

Ever since The Secret garnered popularity a few years ago, you’ve heard plenty of hype about manifesting the life you want–which is, of course, the change that magick brings. Most of what you’ve heard on TV or in the news really is nothing more than hype. It’s only part of the stary, and if you try to use the Law of Attraction without really understanding it, you’re likely to misuse it and bring the reverse of what you really want, like in Lauren Hartford’s Fire Burning in Water.

The real Law of Attraction is about intent, belief, and tuning your feelings to the frequency of what you want– which some regard as “to know, to will, and to dare.”

I am truly blessed.  I had the honor during this Solar Eclipse of January 2010 to facilitate the Third Degree Elevation of my youngest student, Lord Midlight, who began studying with me in August 2007.   During this time, I watched him really come into his own, and especially as a powerful manifestor.

I had to laugh afterwards as the group I was with went to dinner and out for some fun, and Midlight was still bouncing off the walls.  I give him 30 days for his feet to touch the ground!

Not that it was easy for him.  I don’t really know of anyone who goes through a multi-year series of spiritual lessons who breezes along.  The course itself is designed to challenge even the most grounded, and there are times when the lessons feel more like a curse than a spiritual path.    That said, I do think he had an easier time than many, strictly because he fully embraced the spiritual lessons and didn’t resist as hard as most of us do.  Or at least, that’s how it seemed from the outside.    He not only “got it,” but he wholeheartedly went after becoming a better version of himself.

When I was Initiated, I was under the impression that my Second Degree, not my First, would be the most difficult but I have seen differently in my own students.  For me, both were awfully hard, but largely because I couldn’t muster the courage to act on where Spirit was leading me during my First and so, even upon my Second Degree Elevation,  the lessons were piling up and the work became even harder and harsher.    The difficulties for me started within minutes of leaving my Circle behind right after my Initiation and didn’t stop until shortly after my Third.  Not that everything’s been all blue sky and ponies since then, but it was a rough ride.

I’ve noted in my students and in the students of others over the past few years that the First Degree seems the hardest for them.  Lots of trauma, drama, separations, heart-wrenching surprises, and points of nearly giving up.  For those who’ve embraced the lessons and moved forward, I’ve seen the amazement in their eyes at how much life has opened up for them.  For them, getting through that dreaded Second Degree was only a matter of fine tuning and really taking responsibility for their lives.

I sometimes wish I’d learned my own spiritual lessons earlier.  Or rather, that I’d acted on them earlier.  I learned them–I just didn’t do anything with what I’d learned until another year had passed and I’d had enough.  Sorta like being held down until I finally cried “Uncle!”  Or, in this case, “Morrigan!”

I’m very proud of Lord Midlight and have so enjoyed watching his growth as a person, a friend, and student.  I hope to continue to watch his growth now as a person, a friend, and equal.

The September Full Moon in Pisces, aka the Corn Moon, occurs on September 4, 2009 at 11:03 AM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. Last month’s Full Moon was about letting your dream take you by the hand. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…instead of hoping someone or something will inspire your dream, YOU are the inspiration for your dream. More on that….

Aquarius, an air sign, is generally about revolution, vision, individuality, humanitarianism. It’s ideas. This time it’s about allowing the idea of something beautiful to take form and offer you a hand, particularly at the time when you feel like you don’t need a hand but you can certainly enjoy it and accept it.

For some reason, this Full Moon in Aquarius with the Sun in bold, creative, and dramatic Leo is always…CLICK HERE TO READ MORE ABOUT THE ECLIPSE AND RITUAL

Capricorn, an earth sign, is generally about practicality, business, and manifestation. It’s solidity. It’s bringing the…MORE

Note:  We’re moving portions of this site to a new website, http://www.spiritual-pagan-paranormal.com.  We’re not quite finished, so bear with us!

Sagittarius, a fire sign, is generally about learning, travel, fellowship, freedom. It’s about being “in the moment.” With the Sun in the idea-fringed sign of ideas on the fringe—Gemini—this particular full moon in Sagittarius will be more about ideas, insights, and putting the pieces together than about emotion.  More….

This Special Post on the Full Moon  is sponsored by

Check out 2 new sites we’re working on:  http://www.life-strategies-to-go.com and http://www.spiritual-pagan-paranormal.com.  And…don’t forget to follow us on Twitter for the latest updates.

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The April Full Moon, aka the Pink Moon, occurs in Libra on April 9, 2009 at 9:55 AM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…moving into new territory with relationships and how we want things to look.  More on that in a moment.

Libra, an air sign, is generally balanced, romantic, charming, idealistic. This particular full moon will be rather intense, considering that Venus (love, money, creativity) is retrograde and squaring an obliterating-then-rebuilding Pluto.  For a lot of people,  this Libra full moon balancing a fiery, move-it-forward Aries sun will bring about an urgent desire to make something happen in a relationship, bringing old drama to a head in a perhaps less than ideal way.  (But it will clear the deck for something better.) Last month was so filled with turbulence but this month?  There’s a sense of the Tarot here, a Lovers’ card.   A chance to find some grounding and make choices about relationships and partnerships and whether to be with a particular person, and at the same time, an opportunity to have many different relationships or partners but still say to one special person, “I choose you, regardless of how many people I may love, and choose one does not lessen the love for anyone else.”  There’s an intimacy to it of two people, but at the same time, an openness of loving groups of people who are not family but we choose to make them family, regardless of social templates.  This isn’t so much about lovers but multiple loves and not so much about a choice but choices, and the tension of Venus squaring Pluto will force some kind of decision in how we handle those relationships.

For those of you who routinely read my suggestions for meditations, you know how this works. I share this unraveling of images I have just before a New Moon, Full Moon, and/or Eclipse and you’re welcome to use what makes sense to you. For most of last year, I’ve been following this “story” of a river of emotions connected with Moon phases–everything from bridges over rivers to the structure that holds the river in its banks, to surfing the river, to becoming the river, to rising above the river in a parasail…all taking me “around the riverbend” to a beautiful new vista that is lush and green. For those of you who know me personally, you’ve watched in amazement and then horror at how some of these influences have played out in my life and how I’ve been healing from some heartbreaks and reached a place of happiness again.

For links to previous meditations, just search the Astrology or Ritual category on this site.

Thus far, the past year’s meditations have included Bridges, Riverbanks/Structures, Surfing/Sailing, Parasailing, Becoming the River, Rocks, Rebuilding the Riverbanks, Covered in Healing Mud, Washing off the Mud and Dancing Naked in the Sunlight, Beginning to Play in the River Again, Full-on Splashing in the River, Speeding around in Fun but Directionless Circles in my little boat, and Picking up a Passenger or two as we zip forward.

Which brings us to this Full Moon’s meditation: In this meditation, I am well past that point of standing beside the river, licking my wounds after the bashing from last Autumn. I have been dipping my toes in the river, dancing tentatively in the sunlight, and splashing watch all around. I have hopped into my little boat, the one without oars or a rudder. In spite of all the hurt of this past year, I’ve decided that it’s worth it to get back on the river and see where it takes me, even though I’m not steering. My motor has been running and I’ve been moving forward even though I don’t really know where I’m going, but along the way, I have picked up a passenger…a travelling companion for this journey.  I have leaned out the boat and linked arms to pull him into my craft with me, to this safer place I have to offer.

But here is the new part of this progressive meditation: as I move forward down the river, swirling this way and that in the current and not steering at all, I realize that I’ve picked up not just one passenger, but several.  These are lovers and dreams, wishes and desires.  These are those who support me on this journey and those whom I support.  The boat is so heavy with passengers that the rim is only inches above the water, that deep emotional current I’ve been in for the past year.  The boat lurches forward and swerves and…runs ashore.

This is not a bad thing.  One more passenger, and we might have been gurgling to the bottom of the riverbed.  Instead, we simply express mild surprise that we have found ground, something solid after so much emotional wateriness and uncertainty.   We climb out of this boat, onto solid ground, this time lush and not muddy.  I’m barefoot and feel the cool moss-like grass under my soles.  We can decide to get back in our boat, leaving someone behind so that we stay afloat, and continue along the course of the river…or we can explore this adventure that’s presented itself to us.   Ahead of us, opposite the riverbank, is a deep forest, and this is our other choice.  It is vast and beckoning with mysteries in the shadows and enchantment in the light.

Watch for choices to be made in the next month.  You may feel both restless and relentless in reaching a decision but ultimately, it’s about how you want your relationships to look—a very Libra kind of quality!

Check out 2 new sites we’re working on:  http://www.life-strategies-to-go.com and http://www.spiritual-pagan-paranormal.com.

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The March Full Moon, aka the Full Worm Moon or Full Crow Moon, occurs in Virgo on March 10, 2009 at 9:37 PM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…some unexpected healing or service, even if the service is to yourself. It carries a six of swords kind of energy, the Tarot card that usually reflects travel or service to mankind. But more on that in a moment.

Virgo, an earth sign, is generally practical, perfectionist, analytical, and—sometimes—woundingly critical. This particular full moon will herald some surprises, I think, because there are some strong influences around it. Surrounding this full moon, we have a Sun-Uranus conjunction (potential for upsets and shakeups), a Moon-Saturn conjunction (heaviness or restriction of emotion), Sun opposite Saturn (frustration and conflict), plus a conjunction of Chiron (healing), Neptune (uncertainty), and Mars (aggression) giving us a need to take action but being uncertain of it in light of our past wounds. Expect the unexpected this week and watch for opportunities to heal, though it will be up to you whether you want to take them.

For example… In just the last 2 days of this moon’s influence, I’ve had several near misses in my car from people not paying attention, seen cars driving the wrong way down one-way streets, people accidentally mis-dialing and getting someone from their past, and general turbulence from unexpected corners with strange opportunities.

My favorite was getting a call from a guy who chickened out of a date at the last minute—over a year ago–and then blew me off whenever I said hello afterward. It was off-putting back then because we’d hit it off. I guess he never took my number out of his phone directory because he called to ask for a reference for his commercial appraisal business. When I returned his call, it became clear very quickly that he’d mixed up my name with someone else’s. He was very embarrassed and stammered his way off the phone with promises to call back. But his unexpected confrontation presented a new possibility: after no contact for so long, I had a second chance at reconnecting. He’d bruised my ego by ditching me 15 minutes before our date, though at least he called. When I examined my current feelings about the situation and what I wanted to do about it, I discovered quickly that I’m not interested in him anymore, at all, and that old bruise faded on the spot.

For those of you who routinely read my suggestions for meditations, you know how this works. I share this unraveling of images I have just before a New Moon, Full Moon, and/or Eclipse and you’re welcome to use what makes sense to you. For most of last year, I’ve been following this “story” of a river of emotions connected with Moon phases–everything from bridges over rivers to the structure that holds the river in its banks, to surfing the river, to becoming the river, to rising above the river in a parasail…all taking me “around the riverbend” to a beautiful new vista that is lush and green. For those of you who know me personally, you’ve watched in amazement and then horror at how some of these influences have played out in my life and how I’ve been healing from some heartbreaks and reached a place of happiness again.

For links to previous meditations, just search the Astrology or Ritual category on this site.

Thus far, the past year’s meditations have included Bridges, Riverbanks/Structures, Surfing/Sailing, Parasailing, Becoming the River, Rocks, Rebuilding the Riverbanks, Covered in Healing Mud, Washing off the Mud and Dancing Naked in the Sunlight, Beginning to Play in the River Again, Full-on Splashing in the River, and Speeding around in Fun but Directionless Circles in my little boat. Which brings us to this Full Moon’s meditation: In this meditation, I am well past that point of standing beside the river, licking my wounds after the bashing from last Autumn. I have been dipping my toes in the river, dancing tentatively in the sunlight, and splashing watch all around. I have hopped into my little boat, the one without oars or a rudder. In spite of all the hurt of this past year, I’ve decided that it’s worth it to get back on the river and see where it takes me, even though I’m not steering. My motor is running and I’m moving forward even though I don’t really know where I’m going.

I have been content in the past month to enjoy the sunshine and let my motor propel me to wherever it will without waiting for the things I want in life to hop in the boat with me. I’m moving forward, regardless.

But here is the new part of this progressive meditation: as I move forward down the river, I am aware of a passenger ahead. Whether that passenger is a person or a desire, I don’t know. But I can see him in the water, not as secure as I am in my boat and perhaps being bashed against the same rocks as I was last Autumn. I lean out of the boat, hooking my arm for the drowning man to catch. He is an unexpected passenger, and I am able to link arms and pull him into my boat as I move ever forward. It is a service to him, yes, that I have brought him into a safer place with me, but for me, I have a travelling companion now on my journey, whether he be a dream, a lover, or a need.

Watch for unexpected things coming into your life over the next month. Some will seem difficult or heavy to deal with and other may be filled with confrontation. All, however, are an opportunity to bring something aboard with you that can make your journey more enjoyable. It may require a degree of service you didn’t expect, but it can clear out the old wounds and shape a better future for you.

Photo by Marty (S); Creative Commons License

This Special Post on the Full Moon Eclipse is sponsored by The Long-Awaited Honest-to-God Secret to Being Happy, available at half-price to readers of The Spiritual Eclectic.  Click here to download.

The February Full Moon, aka the Full Snow Moon, occurs in Leo on February 9, 2009 at 8:49 Central time here in the Florida Panhandle.  The extra oomph for this full moon is that it’s a lunar eclipse, meaning the Earth eclipses the moon, at 20 Leo 52.  Lunar Eclipses are all about culmination, particularly of what started at the previous new moon eclipse two weeks ago.  The timing for this eclipse, if you like to incorporate eclipses into your rituals for a good “slingshot” effect, is 8:38 Central time, so you might want to take a look at what planets in your natal chart are near 21 Leo (see this previous post for more explanation).  I recommend creating a free natal chart at astro.com, (not affilitated with this blog) if you don’t have one already and looking specifically at the area of your life where this eclipse will affect you.

This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…transformation into who you really are.  It’s like that last extra push into becoming the fully realized person you know yourself to be, even if you keep it hidden from the rest of the world.  You know what’s really right for you, so step into it!  Live it!   And live authentically, happy in knowing who you are.

Leo, a fire sign, is generally a sign of boldness, authenticity, confidence, self-assurance, playfulness, really knowing who you are and what’s right for you.   Sometimes, it’s a bit arrogant because it’s so self-assured.  Several years ago, a Leo friend was telling me that his students were challenging him on some issues with astrology and how dare they because he was a Leo and he knew what he was talking about.  When he realized what he’d just said, we burst into laughter because it was so true to a Leo.

That sense of authencity and opening up to more playfulness and confidence has been a growing theme in the past month of my ritual/moon meditation suggestions.  I certainly didn’t plan it that way, but that’s the way it’s unfolding, and right now with quite a few planets in visionary Aquarius opposite Leo, it’s a good time to start your own personal revolution and change your world.

For those of you who routinely read my suggestions for meditations, you know how this works. I share this unraveling of images I have just before a New Moon, Full Moon, and/or Eclipse and you’re welcome to use what makes sense to you. For most of last year, I’ve been following this “story” of a river of emotions connected with Moon phases–everything from bridges over rivers to the structure that holds the river in its banks, to surfing the river, to becoming the river, to rising above the river in a parasail…all taking me “around the riverbend” to a beautiful new vista that is lush and green. For those of you who know me personally, you’ve watched in amazement and then horror at how some of these influences have played out in my life and how I’ve been healing from some heartbreaks.

For links to previous meditations, just search the Astrology or Ritual category on this site. Thus far, the past year’s meditations have included Bridges, Riverbanks/Structures,  Surfing/Sailing, Parasailing, Becoming the River, Rocks, Rebuilding the Riverbanks,  Covered in Healing Mud, Washing off the Mud and Dancing Naked in the Sunlight, Beginning to Play in the River Again, and Full-on Splashing in the River.

Which brings us to this Full Moon’s meditation:

In this meditation, I am no longer standing beside the river, licking my wounds after the bashing from last Autumn.  I have been dipping my toes in the river, dancing tentatively in the sunlight, and splashing watch all around.  I now find myself in a boat. It’s a small boat, but one without oars or a rudder (or whatever that thing is that gives you direction…you can tell I don’t boat, huh?)  Somehow, in spite of all the hurt of this past year, I’ve decided that it’s worth it to get back on the river and see where it takes me.  I’m not steering though.  And at the same time, I’m not simply letting the river flow with me further around this lush riverbend that’s been part of my life since last August.  My little boat has a motor, and it’s revved and pushing me forward.  I move in swirls and splashes, not in a straight line and not sure of where it’s taking me.  But…the sun is shining and I know I’ll be okay and I’m having fun.  The most important thing that comes to me is that while not everything I want is in the boat with me at the moment, I’m not waiting for it to hop in the boat with me.  Waiting, I’m told, never helps.  It does not matter if I sit and wait for my passenger to swim upstream to find me here with the boat or if I pick up that particular person/dream/desire downstream, it will appear when the time is right.  Meanwhile, waiting is wasted effort and I’m to enjoy this sunshine  and splashing until my next passenger swims out to meet me, breaks apart some boulders in the way, jumps from a bridge  to splash beside me, or washes ashore.  That particular desire will show up at the right point.  Meanwhile, I’m adding to what I have to offer by creating playful new life experiences for myself, and for sharing and building on later.

Photo by Aphrodite ; creative commons license

“How can I release old resentments and anger?” a friend asked.   She’s a very wise and together person, and very spiritual, so the question surprised me a little.  There’s always that expectation, you know, that spiritual people don’t get angry or carry resentments but some wounds are deep and take a long, long time to heal.

It’s only in looking back over the past four years that I realize how much old anger I’ve released.  It’s made a big difference in healing my life, and though I don’t quite have everything I want in my life just yet, I have a life I enjoy and one that’s vastly different from a few years ago. 

The first step for me to begin to release old resentments and angers was in realizing that it really was anger that I was carrying, from as far back as my early childhood.  I’d never considered myself an angry person…but inside I was furious.  I so seldom got “mad,” but I did get hurt a lot.  That was the key.  I grew up in a Southern Baptist home amidst a church upbringing that taught me that anger was a deadly sin and that I needed to be a good girl, good and forgiving and great at turning the other cheek.  The way anger manifested in me was not as rage but as “hurt.”  I couldn’t tell the difference, and to be honest, I sometimes still can’t.

The second step in releasing my anger was to honor it.  I had to stop thinking of anger as a “bad emotion” I wasn’t allowed to have.  Anger was my way of refusing a certain path of oppression and of demanding that I be respected and valued.  I learned to let it out in mostly constructive ways, to stop apologizing for it, and to use it as a reminder not to allow certain people to abuse either me or my compassion.  It’s saved me many times from letting an old wounding be repeated.

The hardest part of releasing anger is to meet it head on and investigate its root cause.  That means a lot of self-inquiry.  It means looking in shadowy places, shining the light on them, and dispersing them.  For me, it took the shape of a healing journal where I poured out millions of words that later became articles, books, e-courses, and workshops that help other people deal with similar issues.  The writing, for me, was cathartic, but I’ve also written poetry and songs, and if I were talented at dance or painting, I might have tried those methods as well.

Some old angers could be released only through ritual; in particular the Ho’ponopono ritual has been helpful to me.  It’s doubled as a funeral for my tyranical father and a divorce meditation for my ex. 

Another way for me to release old resentments has been to recognize the situation for what it really was and then rewrite it the way it “should” have been.  My article, The Day My Parents Killed the Pedophile,  is a good example and is recommended by many online communities dedicated to healing sexual abuse. 

It’s not that all of those old angers have been banished.  They’ve been released into the wild.  That means some have vanished, maybe for forever, but other still roam around and revisit from time to time to feed, or try to.  It helps to realize that in most cases, the people who wounded and angered me were doing the best they could with what they had and weren’t intentionally trying to hurt me.  It was just part of their personalities, but not something I have to bind myself to.  Some old resentments still float around me, unseen  and unnoticed until one lands close by or bops me on the head, and with those I can sometimes reach out from a different perspective and pop that bubble and it’s gone for good because it no longer has any power over me or chains on me.  There was nothing left but a thin sheen of oily color and no substance at all.

To keep new angers from forming, I’ve become more vocal, allowing my anger to show where I might not have before and with little regard for whether I particularly upset the other person or not.  Not every time, but exponentially more often than a few years ago.  Sometimes it becomes a major confrontation and sometimes it might ensure the partnership will not thrive (it won’t anyway if I hold in the anger) but holding it in only transforms the anger into a cancer (sometimes literally) that eats away and tastes like hurt. 

The big question for me to ask myself is, when my feelings have been deeply hurt, is it really hurt?  Or is it anger?  Or both?   It’s more often anger at injustice and disrepect than anything else.  And if I express myself as “I am so hurt that you….,” do I really mean “I am so angry that you…”?  If I express it as hurt and the relationship is truly a loving one, it can manifest for the other person as guilt rather than as a chance to clear the air.  Guilt only keeps it inside to fester.