Here are the fastest rising older posts, in ascending order of popularity:

The Passionate Queen of Wands

Multi-Focus Contact Lenses: Trading in Reading Glasses for a New Vision of Me

Fifth Chakra Exercise: What I Wish I Could Say (2010 Version)

Men Who Smother… and the Women Who Run from Them

Walking Away from Someone You Love (and Hate and Fear)

The Anti-thesis of an Empath

Are You Suffering?

Chakras: The Root Connection Between Survival and Spirituality

A New Definition for “Saving Souls” –The Big Difference between Christianity and Wicca

The Adverbs of Life

Baskets of impatiens.  Photo copyright by Lorna Tedder; all rights reserved.

The top ten spiritual posts of  May 2010:

1.      The Vertex: a Turning Point of Fate

2.      Big Changes: Solar Return Sun in the Eighth House (Applied Astrology Series)

3.      The Astrology of Meeting “The One”

4.      Despite Economic Hard Times, Pagan Dig Deep to Help

5.      Uranian Planets: Hades and Juno and Relationship Break-ups

6.      Making Peace in Dysfunctional Families:  How to Fix It and Whether You Should

7.      A Pagan Point of View of the BP Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico

8.      Empathic Abilities and Connections: “The Feeling”

9.      Notes from the Universe and What Mike Dooley of TUT.com Unexpectedly Taught Me

10.  The Seven Chakra Energy Centers

The bottom ten spiritual posts of  May 2010:

(mostly because they are old posts, not because they’re unloved!)

10. A New Definition for “Saving Souls”:  the Big Difference between Christianity and Wicca

9. Body Image: Are You a Temple or a Tool?

8.  Why Even a Priestess Needs to Do Housework

7.  Stalking the Male Submissive:  A Book Publisher’s Surprise

6. Prosperity Spells Sell Well in a Bad Economy

5. I Curse your Name:  The Blackest of Magicks

4.  7 Tips to Stop Getting Advice You Don’t Want

3.  Enjoying My Flaws

2. Loving Mercury in Retrograde

1. Facets We Never See Makes Us One-Dimensional

1.  The Vertex: a Turning Point of Fate

2.  The Astrology of Meeting “The One”

3.  Big Changes: Solar Return Sun in the Eighth House (Applied Astrology Series)

4.  Empathic Abilities and Connections: “The Feeling”

5.  Notes from the Universe and What Mike Dooley of TUT.com Unexpectedly Taught Me

6.  Sacred Space: Create your Own Holy Ground

7.  The Compelling Little Things: Your Facebook Status Can Betray You

8.  Raising the Vibration of Your Home

9.  Despite Economic Hard Times, Pagans Dig Deep to Help

10.    The Boomerang Effect, aka Karma and the Threefold Law

The bottom ten spiritual posts of  2010 (as of 10 May):

10.  Parenting as a Portal, Or, Why I Never Give Parenting Advice

9.   My Garden Gives Me Little Surprises (Or Is It the Fairies?)

8.   Is There a Witch Next Door?

7.   How to Uncover Old Triggers and Release Explosive Feelings

6.   Fulfilling Childhood Dreams

5.  Favorite Productivity Tools

4.  Compassion Is Not Weakness

3.   Applied Personal Development Means Evolving into Your Best Self

2.  Altars for Children

1.  A Frustrating Moment of No Movement…or Is It a Powerful Pause?

How did you get here?  I mean, HERE, on this page?  Did you use a keyword or phrase that landed you on this site?  Maybe…

there comes a time in our life

What does it take to trust someone

What does it take to be wanted

What I wish I could say

I thought I’d share with you some behind-the-scenes info about this blog and its readers.  Including the number 1 keyword for the past five-plus years I’ve written for this site and its predecessors.   Big hint:  my top keyword or keyword phrase wasn’t

Spiritual eclectic

Christian witch

eclectic spirituality

spiritual sensitive

law of attraction

Abraham-Hicks

meditations

eclectic pagan

hypnosis

highly sensitive person

Florida Pagan Gathering

Beltane

White witch

I learn more about my audience through the keywords and search terms they use than through their comments,  emails, and private posts via various social networks.  I learn more, too, about human nature and the dynamics of relationships.  Some keywords are hilarious without meaning to be, and others break my heart.  But most of all, people are looking for either 1. Information or 2. Signs.  Sometimes both.  Sometimes desperately.

The Info Seekers:

Plenty of people come here looking for information, particularly on astrology.  I try to post about some application of astrology at least once a week, something a bit unusual.   Because it’s unusual, I get a ton of hits on specific astrological configurations.  This isn’t specifically an astrology blog and it doesn’t aspire to be, but my articles do fill a niche.  The most popular keywords?

Solar Return 8^th House Sun

saturn opposite vertex synastry

transiting saturn conjunct vertex

juno conjunct vertex synastry

vertex synastry

hades and the Uranian planets

juno conjunct venus

vertex conjunct Jupiter

vertex conjunct Venus

Vertex conjunct ascendant

Vertex conjunct Mars

Vertex conjunct Sun

Anti-Vertex conjunct Sun

Others seek information on spirituality, intuition, and empathy. About 25% buy a spiritual or life coaching book from the Recommended Reads page.

empathic abilities

empathic connections

pagan homeschooling

Prayer to get rid of negativity

Psychic connections between lovers

Tut letters from the Universe

Salt and fire cleansing

Fifth chakra exercises

A particular niche I appeal to are specifically looking for information on dominance and submission—about 75% purchase the Control Your Submissive Boy ebook  or print version on their way out:

submissive boy

male submission

male submission spirituality

submissive husband

dominant woman

controlling your submissive husband

Readers looking for information on the Law of Attraction find plenty of material, and since most are specifically hoping to attract back a lost love,  about 50% purchase the Attract Him Back ebook as they leave the site AND about 85% keep coming back for new Law of Attraction stories and books.

law of attraction let go

law of attraction relationships

law of attraction specific person

attracting him back

attract past lover back

old lovers reunited

The Sign Seekers:

They already know the answers to their keywords—“Is he cheating on me?”  or “Is he leading me on?” or “Is he in love with someone else?” or “Will he ever leave his wife?”—but they’re still looking for a reason to trust their intuition.  My articles apparently give them the answer they’re looking for outside of themselves when they don’t trust what’s inside themselves.

These are the readers who tend to write me long, highly personal letters I don’t publish in the comments section—because they are too, too personal.   They pour out their hearts and tell me their stories.  Almost every one of these letters is about a relationship.  They already know, even though none of them seem to have been able to admit it before, where the relationship is headed and it’s usually not a loving, healthy direction.  They are looking for a sign, and that sign is simply anything I might write that triggers the knowledge in them that they know the answer to the question.  So many of these readers, I just want to throw my arms around and say, “Sweetie, if you’re looking through 100 websites for definitive lists of how to know he’s cheating on you so that maybe he’s not doing one thing on somebody’s fool-proof list, you already know the truth.  If you still can’t recognize what your intuition is telling you—or you do but don’t want to listen to it–then even seeing a photo of him in the act with a paramour is not going to convince you of what you’re not ready to see, and you’re just going to keep right on torturing yourself and wondering if you’re crazy because you don’t have concrete proof.”  Those are the ones that are heartbreaking for me, and I can’t say that I feel good about letters that thank me for helping them to see the light.

These readers aren’t looking for information—they are looking for signs to validate their intuition.

And the winner is….

Which brings me to the #1 search keyword or phrase that readers use to find my site or to find something on my site—in all their variations.

(man’s first and last name)

(man’s first and last name) (my name)

(my name) (man’s first and last name)

(man’s first and last name) engaged

(man’s first and last name) (his business’ name)

(man’s first and last name) Lane Bryant store

(man’s first and last name) (woman’s name)

(man’s first and last name) (another woman’s name)

(man’s first and last name) can I trust him

(man’s first and last name) lying cheating scumbag

Yes, I’d love for a spiritual keyword or phrase to be the top term used but if it isn’t, at least I’m staying amused.

Photo credit by Express Monorail; creative commons license

I have developed a tremendous appreciation for honest men.  Not honesty wielded as a weapon or as a shield but more like a cup of clear water for a thirsty woman.

Relationships are the best place to see honesty in action—and the different interpretations of honesty and the different rationales for deception.  Abuse is never a good enough excuse to tell the truth, and saving your own ass by lying through your teeth is never the same as “for the greater good.”  There’s no middle ground, and if there’s a bad feeling surrounding the honesty or the deception—for either party—then it’s nothing but poison.

Too often, I see people—both men and women—employ a “policy of truth” to justify being downright mean or verbally abusive.   These are the “friends” who will joyously tell you that the “truth” about your hairstyle or your clothes or your home décor—the “truth” always being something that stings.  Most of the time, ironically, it’s just opinion and sometimes that truth is fiction in the guise of a supportive friend who needs to feel superior.

Listen, any friend who is happy to tell you something that cuts you to the bone—whether it’s that you have chronic bad breath or spinach in your teeth after an interview or that your partner is cheating on you—is not a good friend.  Truly compassionate friends may tell you, but they’ll have to struggle to do it.

I had a boyfriend once who wielded the “truth” like a weapon.  Ultimately, it was his way of controlling me and putting me constantly on the defensive.  Honesty became synonymous with negativity.  I came to dread his honesty as much as I’ve ever dreaded a man’s lies.

He was quick to tell me if a skirt didn’t look good on me (in his opinion), that my hair didn’t flatter in that particular color (in his opinion), or that I needed to lose weight (in his opinion).   He had gotten into trouble for lying and had decided to turn over a new leaf and tell the truth—about EVERYTHING.  If he was unhappy, and he often was, he would feel compelled to tell me  The Truth about whatever was on his mind.  I never asked how he liked my outfit, hair, or weight, but he was quick to offer because, to him, he had to spew  his brand of honesty.  There was nothing  off limits.

If I proudly showed him a cool poster I’d bought for my office, he reminded me that his best friend had a signed original of the artwork,  that I had only a cheap knock-off, and that my possessions weren’t as worthy.  If I proudly showed him my home, he quickly told me how unsophisticated he thought it was because I didn’t have a unifying theme of Early American or Mid-Century Modern throughout the entire house.   When we were close to deciding to go our separate ways,  almost the last thing he said to me was that he would never marry me because he hated my natural body scent and if he stuck around, I would have to find a way to change my body chemistry to his satisfaction.

(Thankfully, my partners since then have all loved all the things he hated that became his “truth” that he just had to tell me, and the more recent men in my life cheerfully volunteer that they like these things very much, thank you.)

By the time I said good-bye to him, I felt as though whenever he was around, I was being bludgeoned with verbal abuse that he politely excused as “I have to be honest.”  Nothing he ever spewed as truth was indeed fact, which is the irony when I think back on the demise of our relationship.

I’ve also seen men (and women) use honesty as a shield to keep from allowing anyone, including me, to see them with their emotional walls down.  I recall begging for emotional support for my creative passions only to be told that my art was terrible by people with no affinity for that kind of art or its genre.  Even if they recognized that they held no expert status, they knew their honest dislike would force an emotional distance between us.  I never came out and asked if they liked my art, even though I desperately wanted them to like it because it could have been a beautiful avenue for sharing.   No, they shut down that avenue before our relationships ever got that far.

When it comes to honesty, there’s no middle ground, regardless of the supposed good reason for it. I’ve had boyfriends tell little white lies to me because they were sweet enough that they didn’t want to do anything to hurt me, but in the long run, I no longer could tell where the little lies turned into big ones.  Yes, telling me his mom was a decade older than I am made me feel better about dating a younger man, but finding out she was oh-so-much-closer to my age was inevitable.  A host of other little deceptions, so easily told for the nicest of reasons, slipped off his lips with the same deftness as far-reaching, heavy dishonesty that impacted many lives at once.  He was trying to find middle ground where it was okay to lie, but it was never okay to lie to me.  And never necessary.

There’s only a quick hop from being a man who will lie to make someone else feel good to becoming a man who will lie to save himself and consider it doing what he has to do or that he has no choice but to create huge deceptions.  The little lies make it very easy to talk himself into major fictions.

While there’s not a middle ground for honesty, there is something better.  I believe—and have experienced it several times recently—that you can be honest without being brutal.  You can tell the truth without volunteering opinions as fact or offering up hurtful interpretations without being asked.  You can find positive and truthful things to say, even if they’re opinions—rather than searching out a negative truth.  You can gently lead a person through a horrible truth with love and kindness…and with great forethought.

The secret is compassion.  Honest compassion and compassionate honesty.    It’s refreshing and sweet, like that cup of clear water after so many previous chalices of cloudy poison.    The need to be honest isn’t in the wake of all the possible bad things that can come between two people.  It’s not even considered a need because it’s simply a way of life.  And while the bad things are expressed with compassion, the honesty is more about sharing the good things, openly.

If you get lost or have a problem, just post a comment.  We follow a less crazy-making practice of answering messages/comments only twice a day so we’ll answer within the day but probably not instantaneously.

We made a conscious decision to make the new site public while we work on it, and decided not to over-stress ourselves on having everything perfect before you showed up.  Life is always in transition, isn’t it?  Don’t stress…because we’re not. (See photo!)

That’s our lessons–

1. we’re not waiting around anymore and…

2. we’re not going to stress.

We hope you feel the same about YOUR lives!

–Lorna and crew

Photo credit:  Ais Portraits

I’m so excited about moving everything to one place and the prospects this new site holds

Photo copyright by Andrew Dixon; creative commons license.

I don’t recall ever feeling better in my life than I do right now unless I was head-over heels in love or just hanging up from an editor’s call saying she wanted to publish my book or being wheeled out of the delivery room to see my newborn.  Even then, those times were not a better feeling and were more event-dependent.  What’s going on with me right now is completely internal to me, no external lovers or children of my body or children of my creative heart.

It’s there because I’ve found the key to getting into what Abraham-Hicks calls the Law of Attraction “vortex.”

It’s balance.

Balance has always been a toughie for me.  I’m very intuitive and empathic and tend to see all sides of a story to the point where I can understand and support just about anyone in their decisions.  Unfortunately, that’s sometimes been to my detriment because I was supporting someone else and not myself.

That’s been true for me in my career(s) as well as in my relationships.  But at the moment, my career is evenly balanced with my home and social life.  My creative work is balanced with freedom and revenue.  My relationships are in balance, too, even though some aren’t really happy about that at the moment.  The best part is that I’m guilt-free about being in balance.  Yes, other people may have to do more than they’d wanted for our relationships to be balanced, but it’s equal now, and I’m not doing the bulk of the work to keep the relationship intact.

I’m not doing anyone else’s work for them, just my own.

And the result is…euphoria.  This is that sense of the “vortex”–that light, airy, everything’s-just-fine feeling of being at one with the Universe.

My decisions a month ago at the Winter Solstice have closed old doors that were sucking the life of out me, and new doors can open that had been forced shut by the vacuum of my energy going elsewhere.  Life is balanced now, and for me, all is well.

I’m feeling a lot less stable tonight than before I joined. I don’t think I can afford to go back if they leave me feeling this way after one meeting. My experience this weekend certainly did more harm to my state of mind than good.

One of the women there was incredible. Greeted me as I walked in. Lots of hope and help and information. Incredibly upbeat. I should have left in the first 5 minutes. If I had, I would have been walking on sunshine for the next week. She was actually the most factual, too, sharing personal and medical information that I can use tomorrow morning. I’d had a similar situation online and this was the kind of support I was expecting.

It was the people descending on me afterward with opinions and judgments that threw me. It was funny to get the judgments from people in the same situation. It was as if somehow they were better than me or less deserving of their medical concerns because they’d been brought to it in a different way. I rolled my eyes at most of them, a little angry with their behavior and getting out of their path as soon as possible. I was, after all, the newbie to the group.

But the ones that had me so upset were the ones who fauned over me and seemed so supportive I think some really were trying to be supportive or what they thought was supportive. They weren’t, though. There was no encouragement or positivity at all–except they were positive that the worst was coming to me. One of them hounded me for 10 minutes about what I needed to do for imminent surgery. As it turned out, she’s not had to go that route–that’s the ironic part. Her idea of support is to prepare the newbie for the worst case. I could not get away from her fast enough. She just kept blurting out more. She took me to fears where my mind hadn’t gone.

I was in a fairly even place before I joined but I’d been upset, crying a little, and angry a little. When I left the support group, I was upset, crying, and angry A LOT.

Photo by Road Fun; creative commons license
Continued from Part II of this series….

4.       An unusual new sex trick.  If he hasn’t obviously been reading a self-help book to spice up your relationship or searching such advice online, a new trick in his repertoire might be cause for alarm—especially if he seems to be well-practiced at it.  Most first-time tries have a few fumbled attempts. 

5.       The mention of a new person.  A lot of men and women want to be “honest” with their mates so they mention a new love interest, without the references to love or sex, so that they can later say, “But I told you about him/her.”   There’s usually some point of admiration or friendliness that’s described.  I knew immediately that I had competition when a former love interest of mine suddenly told me on a Monday morning about the amazing professional services offered by another woman’s business and that we should patronize her little company.  He was business partners with her competition!?!  The adoration in his voice and the blatant praise for her, using words he’d once used for me, made their connection obvious even though it must have sounded innocent to him.  He caught my inquisitive stare and shut up, but six weeks later, he confessed that this fascinating woman in his life was no longer as fascinating to him but—oops—she was also pregnant.  Conception date?  The Friday night before when he’d missed a party with me to attend an unexpected social occasion at work. 

6.       Unusual tastes in music.  People don’t spend decades hating jazz and then suddenly find it a turn-on.   Betsy was a country music lover with a hatred for anything Top 40 or hip-hop.  Her husband began to suspect something had changed when he repeatedly found her car radio tuned to a particular station, which happened to be a favorite of her lover’s.  Not only that, but she changed her ring-tone to match the station’s top song.  Since when did this “Redneck Woman” like “Candy Shop”?

Watch for  the next three telltale signs in the next installment of this series, coming later in the month.

I pulled a series of articles/posts because I was afraid they’d be misconstrued by somone they weren’t about and would cause more trouble.  But it really doesn’t matter because I think anything I write about will be misconstrued to someone’s advantage if that’s what they want to do, and I don’t know that my silence makes anyone’s life better, particularly when it’s about them only if they make it about them.

Sometimes it’s a very fine line to keep such a blog as this.  I have written honestly about my life and insights knowing that many different kinds of people read my words–strangers, fans, my children, my mother, my ex-mom-in-law who hates my guts, my best friend, my former friends, my high school boyfriend, people I loved in college, my ex, my ex’s extended family and friends throughout North America, my coworkers, my students, my former High Priestess, my ex-boyfriends, men I’ve dated, the ex-wives and girlfriends of men I’ve dated, people from back home, neighbors, and my ex-husband’s girlfriend(s) before and after they became exes.  Whether people love or hate me, I’ve never really shied away from what I write.  I won’t stop writing about my spiritual insights just because I know someone who might make me squeamish is reading daily.  I write my truth regardless of who reads it, and if they don’t like it, there’s plenty else to read online.  I’m not forcing anyone to read what I have to say, nor am I forcing them to interpret it a certain way.

That said, I was upset that some of my posts have caused problems for certain people who know me and assumed it was all about them.  With strangers, they write and tell me what a coincidence it is that they’re going through the same thing I’ve written about.  With people who know me, they don’t assume a coincidence–they’re sure I know their secrets!

I’ll begin re-inserting the pulled posts this week.  I share some of them with a small group and learned that they are valuable enough that I need to get them out there to the people they really do help.

Interesting photo from Danny Hammontree; creative commons license; please check out his incredible photographs.

This article continues the series of “Guess Who’s Coming to Your Spiritual Gathering” about the different types of people who often show interest in your circle, coven, church, or other spiritual get-togethers.  Here’s the next batch!

4.  The Yeah-Butter.    This person seems honestly interested in self-improvement and the sacred path.  He asks questions, you (and others) offer suggestions.  Good suggestions.  Too bad none of them will work.  He’s too mired in negativity and reason why not to make any changes.  Yeah, he could probably manifest all his hearts desires but there’s always some reason why he’s held back.  He lacks time, money, resources, friends, the right group, the right rituals, etc, to get going on his spiritual path.  There’s always some reason not to take the action for self-improvement that he wants so badly and no matter how many great ideas you offer or how many people in the group have overcome the same obstacles, something will always keep him stuck…that something being himself. 

Advice?  He’s probably truly stuck and doesn’t know how to climb out in spite of all the help that’s offered.  Truthfully, he’s not ready and he won’t be until he decides it’s time for a new mindset.  If he’s with your group regularly, he will drag down everyone because eventually his negativity will infect the rest of the group.  If he can ever make a breakthrough, he may become a valuable addition to your circle.  Meanwhile, all is not lost.  His 1000-reasons-why-I-can’t-follow-the-sacred-path-I-want can be a good occasional reminder to the rest of the group of how far they’ve come.  He becomes a point of comparison for the positive experiences and growth of the others.

5.  The Older, Wiser Seeker.   This person is usually a woman in her 40’s or 50’s who has just recently discovered a new form of spirituality or is trying to get back to something she set aside years ago in order to be more accepted.  She’s in a state of deep inquiry but doesn’t know where to start or how to get there.  She tends to be open-minded and quiet, and now has a lifetime of experiences to draw from and see in a different light. 

Advice?  She’s usually a keeper.  Eager to learn but without all the drama.  She’ll learn on her own and share her knowledge because she’s at a place in her life where she appreciates people who share their knowledge and understand the value of balance and exchange.

6.  The Critic.    This person either has chronic foot-in-mouth disease or makes herself feel better by putting you (and others) down.  Her comments may be loud and bold to the entire group or mumbled solely to you.  My second circle had a member who would make bizarre comments that had the effect of water dripping from a tap.  By the fourth meeting she attended, I was ready to rethink my position on human sacrifice.  Seriously, the last straw was probably the lightest straw of them all—a snarky comment about the cheap but colorful and fun dinner plates I used to feed my dozen or so guests before I began a workshop because I didn’t mind if they got broken (which happens).  It’s just bad form to tell your hostess she’s tacky, you know?

Advice?  There’s always the possibility that this person has no idea how annoying her constant criticism can be.  Give her a chance to find out and improve, but if she can’t be less critical, it might be best to let her go.   It’s easy for resentment and negativity to build toward this person or between other members of the group.

7.  The Cheaters.  These are the people who use your gathering as an alibi to cheat on their significant others.  It starts simply enough with two people meeting up at a get-together –the dead giveaway is that they already know each other and they’re already in committed but unhappy relationships.  They progress quickly to holding hands or touching and then rush right on to groping in public.  Then they’re late for Open Circle and someone’s husband is calling to ask why you’ve insisted his wife spend the night at your gathering when she and her lover never showed up at all…or they excuse themselves from a workshop, only to be overheard moaning in your bathroom during a talk on the virtues of Universal Laws.    I’m probably a little extra sensitive to this one because my all-time favorite circle broke up because of two cheaters whose marital drama and physical escapades took centerstage—and the other circle-mates didn’t feel comfortable smelling sex at every meeting we had.

Advice?  Recommend a cheap hotel room.  Keep in mind that even if you kick them out of your group for excessive groping in public, you might be subject to phone calls from disgruntled spouses wanting to know when their errant mates are leaving “the meeting” at your house.  They’ll keep right on letting their spouses think it’s your fault they’re staying out so late.

 Watch for the next post in this series!

To read the previous posts and future posts in this series, click on the blog title and scroll down or use the search box in the right – hand column. 

Photo by Leticia Cruz

I’ve come to trust my intuition more than ever in the past year. And at the same time, there are still the times when I’m unsure. And I like to be sure. I do.

How do you verify your intuition? If there’s a pattern to follow, then it tastes like it might be right.

Probability of success is there.Your intuition doesn’t come from inside you, I’ve been told. It’s God talking to you.

Okay, great. So if I don’t trust my intuition, I don’t trust God? Now I can feel guilty, too?

I can verify my intuition through discussion with others, whether it’s talking things through or gathering facts. But sometimes, there’s just nothing in advance to say it’s a good decision.

That’s when the last form of confirmation is the hardest on those of us who were born impatient and “out of time.”

Photo by Old Shoe Woman

The moon’s in Scorpio again. And tonight, it’s a New Moon. When the moon’s in Scorpio, it’s all about secrets and intensity and sexuality. It’s also about fertility—of ideas and feelings and more—and about truth and trust.

The energies of this Samhain season have been intense, even before the moon’s latest transit. I hardly know a soul who isn’t feeling either weepy or aggravated for no reason. For those of us with reason, it’s been even worse. But I’ve made a nervous appointment with a doctor and I’m feeling much calmer today after my own quiet little Samhain ritual last night by a campfire in the back yard.

The evening didn’t go anything as planned. I ended up having to chauffeur both kids to Halloween events so we didn’t have time for the annual feast between my getting home from work and their need to run off to their own social lives. Returning home 30 minutes later to the huge box of candy having been emptied by the first greedy trick-or-treater didn’t help either. And then I had to make separate trips to pick up the girls when their events were over, so I knew I’d get a very, very late start to my own workings.

While driving to pick up Shannon, I asked the Gods to show me something about my relationships this past year as I release its energies and prepare for the new year and what it brings. I started thinking about disillusionment. We say someone is disillusioned and we see how sad they are. But they have been dis-illusioned. They’ve had their illusions stripped away from them. That should be a good thing, shouldn’t it? They should be happy that they no longer have illusions because they can focus on something real. Okay, so my own disillusionment almost destroyed me a couple of years ago.

Not long before midnight, I light a fire in the firepit. I cast a circle and call the Quarters. I honor my grandfather, Joe, and Anna, and all those I’ve loved who have passed. I honor the past lives that have gone on before me: Brynedd and Dageniam and Thomas and Rita and Alexandros and countless unnamed and unpronounceable ones. I honor the disillusionment of the past few years, and I honor the wonderful things and people who have come into my life in the past year and I honor those who have gone. Jillian, Jeaneen, Almolinumomiae, The Treat, others.

But see, that’s the problem with trying to discern what’s real and what’s illusion. You realize how much of life has been an illusion and you start to peel it off so you can live a “real” life. Only you don’t know what real looks like. And you see something special that doesn’t fit the mold of real, and you miss it or discount it, no matter how innovative your thinking normally is. The mind’s been trained to see reality and relationships a certain way and you think, Good, it’ll be okay when it’s undefined and different, but when it really is undefined and different and wonderful, you have no idea what to do with it. You want something that doesn’t fit, and when it doesn’t fit and it’s just what you’re looking for and hoping for, you don’t trust it, have no experience with it, can’t peg it. If you’re lucky, the best you can do is figure that at least your feelings are real, but if the reason for those feelings is illusion, then what’s the point but to torture yourself?

So I’m shown the truth. Now. Now when the Moon’s in Scorpio and I’m sitting by a Samhain fire and honoring what’s passed. My intuition was there all along but I was so set on my expectations of illusion that I never really believed it. And what’s to be done about it now?

© 2006, Excerpt from The Third Degree Diaries, by Lorna Tedder, www.spilledcandy.com;  The books in this series may be read in any order or, to see the author’s spiritual growth and use it for your on roadmap, start with the first book in the series.

The prize is a pretty orange and blue Balance-and-Expression necklace by a local artist, as seen in the pic above.  (White onyx pyramid and 19th-century rare book not included!)  According to the artist, the stones are carnelian (orange) and sodalite (blue), both of which are excellent for achieving emotional balance as well as creativity and self-expression. 

Entering our giveaway is easy, and you get a link back to your blog or website.  The winner will be chosen randomly using randomizer.org and posted on The Spiritual Eclectic when the contest ends. 

To enter the giveaway, simply link to  this post:

 Come, Fire-Drink with Me, Baby!  

Leave a comment below or email us using the contact form at http://www.spilledcandybookstore.com so we don’t miss your link!

Here’s how:

You can use the code below if you want:

<a href=”http://thespiritualeclectic.wordpress.com/2008/01/01/come-fire-drink-with-me-baby/” target=”_blank”><strong><em>Come,</em></strong> <strong><em>Fire-Drink with Me, Baby!</em></strong> </a>

Put the link in any context you want, such as:

Who needs absinthe when you can fire-drink with The Spiritual Electic?  Check out the story behind Come, Fire-Drink with Me, Baby!  

or

Need to let loose?  It took advice from three authors before Lorna Tedder was shouting Come, Fire-Drink with Me, Baby!  

or

I thought this post was kinda interesting:  Come, Fire-Drink with Me, Baby!  

Eh, you get the idea….

If you don’t have a blog, we’ll accept MySpace (public) pages, websites, review sites, Squidoo pages, or any other web-based media that you can put a link on.

Here’s where it’s a win-win for everyone, even if our randomizer doesn’t pick you link as the winner. We will give a link back to everyone who enters at the bottom of this post. If you sell items or services online, this is a great way to advertise to a tightly targeted market!  Just leave a comment with a link to the page where your link is located. Let us know what page you would like us to link to and what anchor text (if any) you want us to use, such as Amazing Tarot Services or Willow Sue’s Healing Journal.

I’ll continue to accept entries for approximately one week, or until you see the words “CONTEST CLOSED” at the bottom of this post.

CONTEST CLOSED

Links to:

WINNER! PLEASE CONTACT US RE YOUR  SHIPPING ADDRESS INFO!   http://cherylfree.wordpress.com/2008/04/19/the-spiritual-eclectic/

http://bunnymoney9.blogspot.com/2008/04/spiritual-eclectics-giveaway.html

http://oldwaybecomesnewagain.blogspot.com/”http://thespiritualeclectic.wordpress.com/2008/01/01/come-fire-drink-with-me-baby/” 

Maidens and Mother photo, copyright Thanksgiving 2007, Destin, FLorida.

That’s right:  the real pagan pride is our children, whether they’re the children of our bodies or of our hearts.  They are the next generation, the young ones who’ll take up our spiritual torches when we are enjoying our crone-age.  This next generation that we are teaching and nurturing–whether physically our children or not–are the inheritors of our Earth, and truly our legacies. 

My daughters are the product of an atheist father and a devout-Southern-Baptist-turned-Wiccan-High-Priestess mother, with the-church-doors-don’t-open-without-us grandparents.  Religion was definitely a well-gnawed bone of contention between their dad and me, but I didn’t insist that they believe as I believed and I encouraged them to attend various types of religious services and figure out their own path, regardless of what it might be. 

My elder daughter recently “came out” regarding her spirituality…a few days after her 18th birthday.  It was really not something I expected.  Though she’d been standing in Circle with me since she was 12 and her beliefs were most closely aligned with Wicca, she refused to call herself pagan and wasn’t interested in Initiation (she’d seen the hell I went through in my Second Degree, after all).  She didn’t want to label her belief system or define it just because someone else needed it defined.  She simply believed what she believed and it was a personal matter.

In mid-March, a local newspaper article came out in which I was interviewed.  It wasn’t negative toward me, and the reporter had tried to get the pagan perspective and I was the only one willing to talk to her at that time.  The particular situation involved an Adopt-a-Highway clean-up effort by a small group of pagans, the project leader of which moved away soon after and the effort fell by the wayside.  Other local pagans kept up the clean-up unofficially but there were no official records to support the roadsign proclaiming the the highway was kept clean by the group, whose name erroneously symbolized all pagans in the county.    Unfortunately, no one who knew anything came forward at that point, the editor rewrote the lead sentence to call pagans “shadowy” because they couldn’t be found, and the article ended up on the front page.  Not a good day for local pagans. 

When Shannon read the newspaper, she was incensed and immediately fired off a letter to the editor.  I didn’t ask her to; I didn’t ask her not to.  She’s 18 now, I thought.  If she’s that insistent about putting her name on her opinion and making it public, so mote it be.

I was a little nervous for her.  I wasn’t sure how the local community here in the Bible Belt would react, let alone her dad’s family.  Instead, her letter to the editor stirred discussion and positive conversation rather than controversy.  It caused otherwise judgmental people to ask her, in earnest, what she believed and why.  It provoked thought and appreciation.  And this week, the newspaper ran a second story–well-placed–about the local pagans who are reclaiming the Adopt-a-Highway program, a much more positive story. 

Here’s Shannon’s letter…courtesy of the next generation of pagans:

I was very uncomfortable with the article in last week’s [newspaper] patronizingly titled, “Pagan Group Is Scarce in Road Cleanup.”  While I commend the reporter’s attempt at a two-sided story, the majority of the piece merely perpetuates negative stereotypes of pagans.  I completely agree that the group should abide by their promise to participate in the Adopt-a-Highway program, but it implies that this small group is representing the pagan community as a whole.  I am a local pagan, and I’d never even heard of this “Okaloosa Pagan Community” and its highway cleanup (or lack thereof) until this article came out.  The handful of people who signed the agreement should be the ones under-fire, instead of every pagan in Okaloosa County.  As a straight ‘A’ student who volunteers weekly at a local preschool, I am disappointed that a front page story propagates connotations that pagans are irresponsible.  This “Okaloosa Pagan Community” should think twice before they try to represent the Okaloosa pagan community.   

And that’s how my baby came out to the world.

You can check out her erudite ramblings at http://www.randomnista.com.

NOTE:  If you’re looking for material on pagan parenting or raising spiritual pagan children, we recommend Kristin Madden’s books.

*****

If you liked this post, try these:

Magick/Ritual
A Small Ritual:  Under a Blood Red Moon
The Spiritual Ad Lib
Threshold Days:  Springing into a Bright Future with the Vernal Equinox

Pagan Community
HOTMaybe this Opportunity Isn’t Meant for You
Me vs The Almighty:  Hold to Your Vision!

Paganism/Wicca/Witchcraft
Are You a White Witch?
Christian Witches:  Caught in the Middle?
Is There a Witch Next Door
Why Pagans/Spiritual People Should Be Concerned about Amazon.com’s Monopoly

 

Photo by joana joana

On this site, you’ll often see us use certain terms interchangeably –Witch, Wiccan, and Pagan, for example–based on staff members’ personal belief systems,

Many Witches are not Wiccan and will adamantly tell you so. Some groups of Witches do not believe in Goddess worship, and others worship only a Goddess. Some follow karmic law instead of a Wiccan Rede. Some Witches believe in using magick in service to Deity while others believe in harnessing the power of Deity through ritual to meet their own destinies.

Some Wiccans don’t like the term Witch because of age-old connotations and other reasons. Others, like Finn in Flying By Night, don’t want to categorize themselves at all:

1. Yes.
2. Both. Hence, you may have heard the term Witch wars.  (see Celebrating the Tower Card)
3. It would take a whole book to answer that one.

But okay, let’s put it in a different light. Let’s say you grew up in the First Baptist Church–as many current Pagans, including the author above, did–except you’re still a member of the First Baptist Church and adhere to that particular belief system. The Baptists fall under the Protestant and Christian umbrellas.

Someone asks you what religion you are and you answer, “Christian.” Or you might answer “Baptist,” especially if you live in a small town where you assume everyone else is a Christian and you’re talking to a known Methodist, who is also a Christian but believes in christening instead of baptizing, much to your chagrin as a Baptist.

You’ve been asked to attend a prayer service over at the Holiness Baptist Church, but you don’t feel comfortable there because they speak in tongues and sing without piano accompaniment–and you can’t carry a tune in a bucket.

You and a female friend have also been invited to attend a small Baptist church down the street, but they don’t allow women to wear short sleeve dresses or show their ankles–even though it’s 98 degrees outside and rising.

You could attend services at the Freewill Baptist Church across town, but gee, they believe in holding hands while they pray and you never know if a stranger washed his hands before leaving the bathroom.

The same with Pagans. The same with most religions where the members are active participants in their spirituality.

And whether it’s called Paganism or Witchcraft or Wicca, it’s no more a cult than that little band of Baptists who meet every Wednesday morning before work for a quick prayer service and a bagel.
 
We recommend Flying By Night for a look at different types of Pagans, including Witches, Druids, Eclectic Wiccans, Wiccan covens, followers of the Left-Hand Path, and Neo-pagans.

[Oh, and one more thing:  a male Witch is called a Witch.  A warlock is an "oath breaker" and you'll likely insult a male Witch if you forget.]

 *****

If you liked this post, try these:

Magick/Ritual
A Small Ritual:  Under a Blood Red Moon
The Spiritual Ad Lib
Threshold Days:  Springing into a Bright Future with the Vernal Equinox

Pagan Community
HOTMaybe this Opportunity Isn’t Meant for You
Me vs The Almighty:  Hold to Your Vision!

Paganism/Wicca/Witchcraft
Are You a White Witch?
Christian Witches:  Caught in the Middle?
Is There a Witch Next Door
Why Pagans/Spiritual People Should Be Concerned about Amazon.com’s Monopoly

Photo by MShades

Twice in the past month, I’ve drawn the Two of Cups. It’s one of the most beautiful cards in my Arthurian Tarot deck. A man and woman stand together aboard a dragon-faced ship, locked in a deep embrace, her head against his chest, his hand curling around her head. They are in love, and-I think-so am I.

I step out onto this thought, just bare toes on thin ice, and wait to drop into numbing waters and feel nothing again. I am jittery, hopeful, terrified, and elated, all at once. But I am alive, and I feel…something. Something that isn’t hurt and grief and anger and betrayal and devastation. Something I haven’t felt in a long time.

I call my best friend to tell her what I’ve discovered, but she already knows. Apparently, I’ve mentioned this man to her once or twice, and my eyes have sparkled and betrayed what even I didn’t know. She tells me I sound like a teenager, and she just loves it. She’d been afraid I would become bitter toward all men, given my marriage, and she gets a kick out of hearing me describe what I like about this man and the way my voice softens and lilts when I say his name.

Thinking this news will make my mother feel more secure about my new and independent life, I tell her I think I’m in love, but she doesn’t want to hear it. Why would I be interested in another man and so soon after my divorce? Would this stop my ex and me from getting back together? Maybe it would be better to let my ex remarry before I fall in love with someone new, she says. Disappointed, I tell her nothing else.

I should quit while I’m ahead, but I don’t. This new feeling is exciting and I want to talk about it. I tell two work-friends over lunch because they want to know why I keep smiling to myself. They want to hear all the dirt, so I describe this man and his sense of integrity and the way he makes me feel all shiny and new. They note the lightness in my voice, even a giggle, and then rip into me, teasing me until I have tears in my eyes. They take a happy moment and shred it. I don’t finish my dessert, but I feel stupid and childish, and I cross their company off my list. They tell me I’m being too sensitive and shouldn’t be upset with them.

None of it changes the way I feel. I’m totally and completely besotted with this man and didn’t know it. I can’t tell him this, not yet. I have to know if there’s a spark there first or if I’m the only one who’s smoldering. I don’t want to make the mistake of confessing to someone who isn’t ready to hear that I have emotions in his regard.

So I tamp down the feelings. I swallow them. I choke on them. Along with so many other feelings I’ve had that I wasn’t “allowed” to have during the course of my adolescence and later my marriage. I’m not allowed to feel anger because, I’m told, it’s morally wrong. I should be forgiving instead. I’m not allowed to feel joy because too many people see that as bragging or selfishness. I should feel selflessness instead. I’m not allowed to feel grief or despair because then I’m accused of needing anti-depressants or even, as one friend hinted, a suicide watch. I should feel calm and rational. And I’m not allowed to be in love because it’s too soon, too childish, too…whatever.

I choke and sputter and drown in my feelings, and they settle into my fifth chakra, right at my throat. I swallow them but they stick in my throat and won’t go down and won’t come up. I can’t breathe. The doctor says I have an infected trachea. I’ll be out of work for two weeks, and I’ve lost my voice in the meanwhile.

With a raspy, barely-there voice, I talk to my counselor but by now I’m distraught. “I had feelings come up for this man,” I tell him.

He laughs at me. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Yeah, well, everyone else seems to think so. And I don’t know what to do about them, so they must not be good. I’m expected to have all the post-divorce anger and grief and everyone wants to know if I’m having those and well, good, now swallow them and get on with your life. But these feelings are different.” I describe my affections and the reasons for them, and he stops me.

“Aw, honey, it’s okay to have feelings. Feelings are good. And these are good feelings. Just enjoy them. You don’t have to express them to this man or to anyone else. Just enjoy them for what they are.” 

These feelings do feel good. I could get lost in enjoying them. I could want to drag them out and make them last a long, long time.

“It’s been so long since I’ve felt this way,” I tell my counselor.

He laughs again. “I can hear it in your voice. It’s like you’ve become a virginal maiden all over again. You get all giggly and feel like a teenager around him instead of the calm, cool, and collected businesswoman that nothing fazes. It’s very sweet and wonderful. Just enjoy that feeling.”

Before I can say anything else, he adds, “Honey, don’t you see? You might very well have written off all men after your marriage, but instead, here is a man who has touched you deeply and rekindled an innocence in you that you thought you’d lost forever. You don’t have to say anything to him or to anyone else. Just breathe through your feelings and explore them.”

And now I have tears in my eyes again because my counselor has pinpointed the revelation for me: that I’ve reclaimed an innocence I thought was dead.

I’ve found a part of myself that I locked away a long time ago.

And I’ve fallen in love when I least expected it.

© 2006, Excerpt from Life in the Third Degree, by Lorna Tedder,

www.spilledcandy.com

This is Book #1 in the Third Degree Diary series, but they can be read in any order

How often does a conversation make you do a real double-take?  You know, one of those “I’ve never thought of that before” moments?  

I’ve always enjoyed talking to Edward, as in Rev Edward Livingston of the Fire Dance Church of Wicca, and I had the opportunity to pay him a short visit today and see his Gardnerian/Isis temple room, which just a-buzz with energy.  

We chatted about all sorts of things, including how many of our Northern brethren don’t necessarily understand the influence of the Bible Belt here in North Florida and that we’re not kidding about there being a church on every corner.  But we also talked about the spirits we’ve encountered. That’s where our conversation took a turn for the interesting and caused me to pose a few questions in my head.

Yes, I’ve encountered Christian spirits,  our dead who have passed over–and some who’ve hung around as guides who felt more needed here with us.  I’ve encountered a few Native American spirits as well.  But pagan spirits?  No.  None.    Maybe a few who’ve been here shortly as guardians or teachers, but none who hung around for decades, let alone hundreds of years.  

Do Christians, knowing they’ve done guilty, sinful things, create in their minds such a fear of hell or moving into the afterlife–or next life–that they make themselves earthbound whereas pagans can move forward more easily without the same sense of dread that their sins will catch up with them on the way to heaven?  It’s an interesting question, and one I’ve never heard raised before.

What’s your experience?  Have you encountered distraught pagan souls roaming the earth?

If you’d told me 6 months ago that I’d love Mondays–that they might even be my favorite day of the week–I would have said you were crazy. For good reason, too–I’ve hated Mondays for my entire life.

Here’s what’s wrong with Mondays…or what was wrong:

1.  The weekends are never long enough. I hate going to bed on Sunday night and thinking of all the things I didn’t get finished or even started.  How many times have I run into someone in the elevator on Monday morning, five minutes before hitting the threshold of my office, and heard, “How was your weekend?” and the resulting response, “Not long enough.”  No matter how much work I finish on Saturday and Sunday or what a great time I have with family or friends, I need a little extra me-time and by Sunday evening, I’m only just beginning to unwind.

2.  The work environment is always so tense on …

Thanks for reading!  The complete version of this article is now included in The Long-Awaited, Honest-to-God Secret to Being Happy.

Maggie has always been a treasure to us, both at Spilled Candy and personally.

We love you, Maggie!