Some days I wonder if I might burn in Hell for the things I’ve done, namely times when I’ve balanced a mighty imbalance or justified filling a vast injustice so that the landscape could be traversed again.
There is always the opportunity afterward to sit with my decision for a while, to wonder if I did the right thing, to wonder how things might have been if I’d taken a different path.
I used to sit with these decisions not to be a force to be reckoned with, to sit and allow, to allow myself to be bludgeoned and say nothing because I somehow thought the passive path would be brighter or smoother at some point in the future if I stayed my hand, that I would somehow through my silence one day get what I wanted.
I’ve been on that side. I never once won my desires through silence, or rather, through inaction. But through intention and action? Is that better? Yes. Do I win my heart’s desire? On rare occasion but it is still better.
Better how? Change. Balance. A settling of the shards.
And then the day came when I decided not to live the rest of that story as a victim, to speak out, to strike back, to balance the force that had been set in motion against me, and let the Tarot cards fall where they would and let the future fall where it may. Sometimes you have to take action, even if you’re not sure it’s right. You have to do something or admit defeat, claim your title as a victim. You have to defend yourself, protect yourself, be the thunder in the storm coming at you. Be the lightning in the darkness.
So I remember how it once was to do nothing in hopes of gaining everything and still lose. I may still lose by not doing nothing, but I won’t have let the moment pass, and I will have been a force of reckoning.
I am thunder. I am lightning.
I am the bringer of balance, the righter of tumbling fate.
I am both the storm that blows away deceit and the winds that sculpt the real story into the cliff face.
I am both justice and aftermath.
I am not victim but I am strength, the nightmare, the answer to prayers.
No longer fixer but settler of deeds.
I am what happens when you corner me.
Key Takeaway: Passivity or silence won’t win you your desires; Intention and action will.
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