Applied Astrology: Eighth House Sun, Months #2,3,and 4’s Devastation
Yeah, there’s a reason I didn’t come back almost 4 months ago and report on how the third 8th House Solar Return year has been going. My entire purpose in this experiment with astrology was to take you through my year, month by month, and analyze the typical 8th House attributes–death, secrets, sex, regeneration, and other people’s money–in all sectors of my life.
Month #2 began with the end of a very important relationship. I can’t tell you much of what happened that month because I was in such a fog. Because those closest to me disapproved of the relationship, I really had no one to talk to about it, or about my feelings, or about my increasing resignation about certain things in my future and whether they would ever be possible. I learned some things about myself, with what I was willing to give up and what I was willing to redefine to keep from losing it completely. The second month of my Solar Return year was the hardest month I’ve had in many years.
Month #3 saw some redefining and exploring possibilities and impossibilities. Without giving details–still too close to the bone–I began to accept some heartbreaks and let go of a long-held dream. But just as I was beginning to move forward wearily after the “death” of a relationship and its “secrets,” another blow knocked me off kilter.
What’s the one thing besides my spirituality that I have always refused to give up? Writing. And yet, I was given a Sophie’s choice to make between two things I love dearly, one of them being writing. I ceased publication of The Secret Lives of Librarians and several other projects while I waited out Higher Powers. It was a very real threat of never writing another word, something that feels to me like never taking another breath.
I also decided to pass on seeking another romantic relationship and accept being alone for the second half of my life, which is preferable to “settling.” This was not a lightly made decision, but I withdrew from dating almost as quickly as I’d started again.
As if my grieving was not enough on the romance and creativity fronts, my career was filled with uncertainty due to an impending 25% cut in take-home pay and a drastic reduction in my hours. But no one in charge could say if the financial pain would happen or not.
Month #4 saw more redefining, particularly in the relationship sector of life. I spent the entire month with a slow burn going, resenting the lack of emotional support from the people who have been most demanding of emotional support from me over the past few years. That may seem harsh, but what the absence of support taught me was to redefine how I let those close to me affect my romantic relationships. I will never again allow anyone to pass judgment in my presence on any emotionally supportive relationship of mine because no one else has filled the gap…they just find it easier for them if the gap is unfilled because I’m there whenever they need me. It’s a resentment that I’m nearly done with, now that I’ve redefined where I will let opinions fit in my life. I also decided that if there is ever another romantic interest in my life, no one will know anything about him until they pop in one day and find him sitting at my kitchen table.
I suppose you could say that redefinition is the same as regeneration because it’s the death of an old way of looking at things.
And to come….
Things really started getting interesting in Month #5, which completes in another week. I have no idea where things are going yet, but Month #5 has so far been all about the death of oppressive situations and old things coming back to life in a joyous way–including the sudden freedom to relaunch my writing and publishing. I have a feeling that I’ll enjoy reporting on the next few months.