Origins of Doubt
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Passion to the Third Degree .
Iâ€™m having a moment of doubt, and Iâ€™m not sure what the origin is. What Iâ€™m worried the origin is is money. Thatâ€™s why I have to be absolutely sure before I make any decisions.
Iâ€™ve completed the first phase of my training to be a life coach with a professional level certification, and Iâ€™ve been talking to the woman who will supervise the next phase if I choose to go forward with professional level certification. Plenty of people call themselves coaches with absolutely no training at all, and though I have training and experience in this area through another group, itâ€™s not within this particular school of certification. Like the last group I worked with, this certification requires focused time and training, and lots of hours, much of it repetitive to previous training. Though this training is good.
The issue? Itâ€™s a lot of money.
Yes, itâ€™s an investment in myself, yadda yadda. There are other investments I could make with the same amount of money. I could have my body upgraded for this amount, or at least the parts Iâ€™d wantâ€¦refurbished. I could have new carpet in the whole house. I could take the girls to Europe for several weeks. I could take off for a couple of months and frolic on the beach while writing full-time. I could turn the back yard into fountains and gardens galore. I could hire a SWAT team to hose down the neighbor who brings her dog to poop in my yard on a daily basis. I could hire an MBA in India to run an Internet-based business for me full-time for 6 months. I could pay my water bill.
I donâ€™t want my decision to be based on money. Certification training assumes youâ€™re brand new to the game, and Iâ€™m not. So itâ€™s a matter of weighing time and money right now against what I would gain by completing this particular program.
Iâ€™ve been certified in other career fields (CACM certification through the National Contract Managerâ€™s Association, NCMA, along with the many, many hours of time and money I sank into it, and other than the couple of promotion points it gave me, big whoop. Yes, beneficial to improve my then-current position but it didnâ€™t make me any better at what I did, and I was eventually disgusted enough with the certifying group that I burned the certificate and quit the group. That experience may be influencing me now.
Or maybe itâ€™s wondering if thereâ€™ll be an equal exchange. There are definitely things I can bring to my fellow trainees and to the program. That often happens. Another pattern. I will participate and pay for training and end up being a trainer myself, given specific skills I have. Itâ€™s rare that I simply pay my money for tuition. Will I get back more than I give?
Because I want to get back more than I give, for a change. I really do. Iâ€™ll settle for getting back as much as I give. And thatâ€™s true in so many areas in my life right now.
My intuition is a bit twisty on which path to take at the moment, and I need to let it settle down so that I can figure out if itâ€™s my inner miser rebelling against the cost or if itâ€™s a stronger flag for me to notice. The problem with intuition is that it comes (to me) at the third chakra level, the same place as self-esteem, control, and ownership. If any of the other children of this particular energy center scream loudly enough, I sometimes do not hear my intuition.
Iâ€™ll just have to wait until everything quiets before I decide my next step.