The Most Damaging Missile to a Relationship
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree and Rising.
The deejay was keeping us tuned in via a list of the top ten most damaging things a couple (or really, any two people) can do to each other in a relationship. It was aimed more at love relationships, but most of the list fit with friendships and business partnerships as well.
They did the usualâ€”fighting over money, fighting over children, cheating.
But there was one that stood out to me, probably because itâ€™s not usually on the list people give when they explain why theyâ€™re leaving a partner.
Itâ€™s the things people say in the heat of anger. Sometimes things come out that they would never say otherwise. Once said, those things canâ€™t be taken back, and too often, theyâ€™re an indicator of true feelings that have been tamped down.
Sure, the other person feels good to expel that poison, but when it hits you, itâ€™s like acid eating away at your affections. The confounding thing is that they often feel much better once theyâ€™ve spewed vileness and then they wonder why youâ€™re feeling angry or depressed when theyâ€™re just fine.
As one who has most often taken a deep breath and counted to ten so that I didnâ€™t utter something destructive, Iâ€™ve left relationships like that feeling that I really needed to be more argumentative. Thatâ€™s not it either, exactly, but if youâ€™re involved with someone who enjoys spewing venom, then I think you need to be equally skilled. You can always walk away but the sound of their voice still follows.
Yeah, Iâ€™m thinking of forgoing any more dates this month. Iâ€™m just not fond of people who enjoy sticking pins in their partners. Maybe in May. I need a little time to catch my breath.