Gone with the Flow
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree and Rising.
My focus for April was â€œebb and flow and mostly flow.â€ So did I?
In going with the â€œflow,â€ I followed where the energy took me. Sometimes that was very intent on work and other times just flowing with the emotions and physical feelings. If particular actions and interactions took me in a certain direction, thatâ€™s where I went, regardless of my intentions for the month. Still, my intentions were met, or close to it.
I let myself flow more, enjoying the happy little things more than before. I focused more on my health, though at the time Iâ€™d thought that meant more about diet and dress size, but the focus brought the need for new vitamins and new regimens. Iâ€™m feeling a difference, plus I figured out how to set up my VAIO on the treadmill so I can watch a movie while I trot. Iâ€™ve also found the right balance so Iâ€™m not overdoing the walking and injuring my knees. Learning when not to push myself is one of my harder lessons. I also successfully avoided getting trounced by my allergiesâ€”thatâ€™s a biggie! (This time two years ago, I was just returning to work after a month in bed, and I couldnâ€™t talk above a whisper!)
I socialized a little moreâ€”more lunch dates with women friends and enjoying the men around me a little more, even though they turned out to be duds in the romance department.
Oddly, I found myself attracting dominant men in search of submissive experiences, which wasnâ€™t really a good blend for me. Theyâ€™re not really looking so much for personal excavation as they are a new and temporary kick.
Out of that, I know more of what I want and donâ€™t want, because all I want to do is butt heads with the Alpha guysâ€”even when I have them wrapped from chin to toe in Saran wrap! They still have to be in control, 24/7, and itâ€™s not a matter of how much they trust anyone else and how far over the edge theyâ€™re willing to go.
I finished only one of the creative projects Iâ€™d intended, but itâ€™s a major project and it took the entire month to finish birthing it. I didnâ€™t let myself get pulled into major stress or distress at work either, which means Iâ€™m probably the only person at the office who isnâ€™t in a panic right now.
For almost every moment of the month, I really did trust that everything would be fine and that the Universe will deliver. For most of it, I felt serene, even with the wacky emotions and fatigue. Thereâ€™s a sense of knowing now that wasnâ€™t there before, and itâ€™s knowing that things will work out for me and that thereâ€™s more happiness ahead.
For me to get to this point of being able to â€œflow,â€ I think I really had to have that feeling of knowing. The blockages had to be removed before I could let myself flow with the Universe.