Better Her Than Me!
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree and Rising.
A close friend of mine in North Alabama has just turned 30, and her mother is desperate to find her a man. Any man. Better her than me! Apparently, if my friend doesnâ€™t find a man within the next 6 months, sheâ€™ll be ripe for a life of loneliness and eternal damnationâ€¦unlike her mother who is soooooo happy, pardon the sarcasm. My friend isnâ€™t lonely by any meansâ€”her independence is not synonymous with isolation.
But, of course, her always-married mom canâ€™t understand why a daughter isnâ€™t as miserable as sheâ€™s been and has signed my friend up for a couple of online dating services because anythingâ€™s better than nothing and the blind dates arenâ€™t working.
Knowing my friend, I have to laugh because this is where the fun begins. With her posting some outlandish pics and a profile designed to scare away the most obsessed online date.
Yes, I checked out her public profile and got a laugh. But one thing weâ€™ve found very interesting in our discussions of the site sheâ€™s on has to do with the menâ€™s pictures, mostly, and the nicknames second.
– â€œRecentâ€ pictures really should defined by the number of years or the dates the photos were taken. Between the graininess of the photo and the mullet the guy is sporting, we just donâ€™t believe it was taken last Christmas. Or least (shudder), we hope not.
– A close-up photo of his drippy and droopy appendages is not a turn-on. Unless any man will do. But itâ€™s a huge source of amusement because apparently thatâ€™s what guys want to look at and think the women do, too. Yawn. Ya seen one, ya seen â€˜em all. But are your eyes pretty?
– The backgrounds in these pics are shocking. What, is that you in front of a mirror in your momâ€™s basement? Whatâ€™s with the dirty dishes and clutter on your nightstand and dresser in your bedroom? Yeah, we may have to deal with that eventually in a relationship with you, but thanks for advertising it upfront. How romantical.
– Nicknames are often ridiculous. Iâ€™m not sure which is worse: ImSOLonelyICouldDieSoLadyImBeggingYouPleasePickMeCuzINeedSumLovin or HeresAJackHammaPowerTool4YaBitchSoLetsJustDoItNowBaby.