The Real Secret of the Law of Attraction
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Contrast.
Iâ€™ve heard about Â the Law of Attraction Â for decades and for at Â least the last five or six years, as part of my spiritual study, Iâ€™ve understood it and tried to follow it.
Like many (most?) who are attracted to the Law of Attraction for whatever reason, I attracted the wrong things. Not always. But I did attract a lot of what I didnâ€™t want. Probably no place more so than in the romance Â department over the past couple of years. Iâ€™d prefer to be alone to whatâ€™s Â been Â readily Â available Â to me, thank Â you very much.
Part of starting over meant finding out what I didnâ€™t want as well as what I did, though there was a whole lot more of what I didnâ€™t want out there. An abundance of what I didnâ€™t want.
The whole idea behind the Law of Attraction Â is that you attract to Â you what you focus on. For most of us, thatâ€™s what we think about, Â and Â boy, do I do a lot of thinking. Canâ€™t help it. All that Aquarius in Â my Â chart, I guess, but Iâ€™ve always been a thinker. SometimesÂ I overanalyze to the point of talking myself out of something and sometimes I Â have to think so much to talk myself into it. And other timesâ€”ha!â€”I donâ€™tâ€™ think about it at all.
But hereâ€™s the surprise. You may attract to you what you think about but the way it manifests has a lot more to do with the way you feel about it than how you think about it. For example, you may think about money all the time, but Â if Â the Â way Â you Â feel about Â money Â is Â negativeâ€”say, dread of not having enough or how your stomach does flip-flops when Â you Â think Â about Â being Â broke, then Â itâ€™s money Â problems Â youâ€™re Â more Â likely Â to Â attract Â because youâ€™re Â sending Â out Â that Â feeling of Â dread, Â fear, Â and Â lack when youâ€™re thinking about money.
So. Thatâ€™s a problem. Itâ€™s especially a problem in my romantic life. Â I Â have had too many ill feelings regarding middle-aged Â dogs Â who Â wanted Â to Â tell Â me Â to Â lose/gain weight, wear differentÂ clothes, hide my religion, Â change my music, Â and look the Â other way Â when Â they Â ogled Â a skimpily dressed teenager…male or female. Uh, no.
So how am I to attract a warm, loving, exciting, sexy, exhilaratingÂ Â romantic Â relationship Â into Â my Â life Â if Â the thought of dating conjures up a feeling of preferring to be alone and celibate Â to what most men Iâ€™ve Â encountered have had to offer? How do I capture the feeling of wanting to be with someone at all?
I started with a little experiment and surprised myself.
I decided to go back to the last time I was with a man I really enjoyed being with and the way I felt with him. Iâ€™d planned Â to Â use Â responses Â to Â several Â men, Â provided Â I could think of that many Iâ€™ve liked hanging with, but one turned out to be enough for this experiment. Â More than enough.
I ignored everyone elseâ€™s opinions of him and focused only on how I Â felt when he and I were communicating directly or when we were Â together or when I observed himÂ Â Â in Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â action. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â I Â Â wantedÂ Â toÂ Â Â go Â Â back Â Â Â to Â Â when Â Â Â I felt…innocent Â and giddyÂ and Â everything Â seemed Â full of promise. I began by picking out pieces of Â conversation weâ€™d hadâ€”not what someone else had told me about him or Â their Â dealings Â with Â him Â or Â their Â opinion Â or Â what Â I needed instead, but Â direct, Â one-on-one Â interaction Â with one man I felt good around, most of Â the time. Back to what Â was Â private Â and Â sacred Â in our Â conversations Â and how that felt.
Iâ€™d thought, oh, half a page would do it, but once I started, Â I Â couldnâ€™t Â stop. Within an hour, Â I had at least four pages of snippets of Â conversation, thoughts on his smile, Â a Â look Â that Â passed Â between Â us, Â the Â way Â he Â explained something, just all sorts of little things I observed that made me feel wonderful around him and how much I liked that feeling. Â Itâ€™s the kind of feeling I want to attract back into my life, that feeling of falling in love.
There were three things I noticed during this experiment:
1. How quickly I filled the pages once I started remembering the feeling. I had to stop myself because the great memories just kept coming.
2. How all these feelings came from direct interactions with Â himâ€”there Â were Â no Â comments Â about Â him Â from friends or family that made me feel this good and in fact, I felt rather depressed, Â sad, and Â angry Â when I thought about some of the advice Iâ€™d been given about him.
3. How Â absolutely Â wonderful Â I felt Â as Â I was Â going through this exercise.
The last one surprised me most. Remembering Â those feelings put Â me right back into the moment Â and I felt good all over again.
Thatâ€™s the feeling I need to back up the thinking. If I want Â warm, Â loving, Â exciting, Â sexy, exhilarating, Â and romantic in my life, then I need to tap into those feelings and let them Â flow Â happily, Â no Â constraints, no tamping them down, just feeling and enjoying.
The next step? Combine those feelings with my vision of the future and being open to someone Â warm, loving, exciting, sexy, exhilarating, and romantic coming into my life. At the moment, all I have to do for pleasant dreams is read my list and Iâ€™m full-up with smiles and affection.