The Real Secret of the Law of Attraction
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Contrast.
I’ve heard about the Law of Attraction for decades and for at least the last five or six years, as part of my spiritual study, I’ve understood it and tried to follow it.
Like many (most?) who are attracted to the Law of Attraction for whatever reason, I attracted the wrong things. Not always. But I did attract a lot of what I didn’t want. Probably no place more so than in the romance department over the past couple of years. I’d prefer to be alone to what’s been readily available to me, thank you very much.
Part of starting over meant finding out what I didn’t want as well as what I did, though there was a whole lot more of what I didn’t want out there. An abundance of what I didn’t want.
The whole idea behind the Law of Attraction is that you attract to you what you focus on. For most of us, that’s what we think about, and boy, do I do a lot of thinking. Can’t help it. All that Aquarius in my chart, I guess, but I’ve always been a thinker. Sometimes I overanalyze to the point of talking myself out of something and sometimes I have to think so much to talk myself into it. And other times—ha!—I don’t’ think about it at all.
But here’s the surprise. You may attract to you what you think about but the way it manifests has a lot more to do with the way you feel about it than how you think about it. For example, you may think about money all the time, but if the way you feel about money is negative—say, dread of not having enough or how your stomach does flip-flops when you think about being broke, then it’s money problems you’re more likely to attract because you’re sending out that feeling of dread, fear, and lack when you’re thinking about money.
So. That’s a problem. It’s especially a problem in my romantic life. I have had too many ill feelings regarding middle-aged dogs who wanted to tell me to lose/gain weight, wear different clothes, hide my religion, change my music, and look the other way when they ogled a skimpily dressed teenager…male or female. Uh, no.
So how am I to attract a warm, loving, exciting, sexy, exhilarating romantic relationship into my life if the thought of dating conjures up a feeling of preferring to be alone and celibate to what most men I’ve encountered have had to offer? How do I capture the feeling of wanting to be with someone at all?
I started with a little experiment and surprised myself.
I decided to go back to the last time I was with a man I really enjoyed being with and the way I felt with him. I’d planned to use responses to several men, provided I could think of that many I’ve liked hanging with, but one turned out to be enough for this experiment. More than enough.
I ignored everyone else’s opinions of him and focused only on how I felt when he and I were communicating directly or when we were together or when I observed him in action. I wanted to go back to when I felt…innocent and giddy and everything seemed full of promise. I began by picking out pieces of conversation we’d had—not what someone else had told me about him or their dealings with him or their opinion or what I needed instead, but direct, one-on-one interaction with one man I felt good around, most of the time. Back to what was private and sacred in our conversations and how that felt.
I’d thought, oh, half a page would do it, but once I started, I couldn’t stop. Within an hour, I had at least four pages of snippets of conversation, thoughts on his smile, a look that passed between us, the way he explained something, just all sorts of little things I observed that made me feel wonderful around him and how much I liked that feeling. It’s the kind of feeling I want to attract back into my life, that feeling of falling in love.
There were three things I noticed during this experiment:
1. How quickly I filled the pages once I started remembering the feeling. I had to stop myself because the great memories just kept coming.
2. How all these feelings came from direct interactions with him—there were no comments about him from friends or family that made me feel this good and in fact, I felt rather depressed, sad, and angry when I thought about some of the advice I’d been given about him.
3. How absolutely wonderful I felt as I was going through this exercise.
The last one surprised me most. Remembering those feelings put me right back into the moment and I felt good all over again.
That’s the feeling I need to back up the thinking. If I want warm, loving, exciting, sexy, exhilarating, and romantic in my life, then I need to tap into those feelings and let them flow happily, no constraints, no tamping them down, just feeling and enjoying.
The next step? Combine those feelings with my vision of the future and being open to someone warm, loving, exciting, sexy, exhilarating, and romantic coming into my life. At the moment, all I have to do for pleasant dreams is read my list and I’m full-up with smiles and affection.