Itâ€™s a Wonderful Life
Copyrighted by Lorna Tedder. Originally published in Third Degree of Contrast.
More has happened in the past year than I dreamed possible, and other things Iâ€™d dreamed have not yet come to pass, though I understand why now and they are just beginning to come into place now. I guess that makes this a pretty special time, sort of a bit of walking between the worlds, the world that was my life and the one that is now becoming my life.
The Ether is so active right now. Thereâ€™s a lot of chatter and anticipation as if everythingâ€™s about to burst wide open. How can things keep building like this? I am on a precipice, Â and thereâ€™s Â excitement Â but Â nervousness, Â too. Iâ€™ve been preparing for this for so long, wanting it for so long, and Iâ€™m more than a little nervous about how the next few months will unfold. I know theyâ€™re going to be amazing, though.
Iâ€™m a little down tonight as I watch the clock roll over into Christmas Day, and I canâ€™t quite place whyâ€”or even if the Â thin Â film Â of Â sadness Â is Â mine Â or Â someone Â elseâ€™s. Thereâ€™s a slight sense of sadness Â out there tonight that feels like loneliness of people around me or near me. Iâ€™m not lonely myself and things are quite good here, and yet I still feel it. Possibly itâ€™s Daddy, but this doesnâ€™t feel like him, either. This is more Â restless than heavy. It feels almost like thereâ€™s a little boy out there who Â needs to be hugged, his knees bandaged and his tears wiped.
Christmas Eve is my special time with the girls, but it was too rainy to have our backyard fire pit tradition, so weâ€™ll do that later in the week. We relaxed instead with a pleasant Â indoor Â evening Â that Â included a lighted Â tree, Â a â€œblinkingâ€ fire in the fireplace, a brief interruption Â to go rescue some stranded teens, and couple of History Channel documentaries, Â a science fiction movie, and two episodes ofâ€”yesâ€”ghost stories. Go figure. Not exactly â€œItâ€™s a Wonderful Life,â€ but we all enjoyed it, including playing with the puppy much of the night.
Iâ€™m glad I didnâ€™t do the usual Christmas stress. Even with Daddyâ€™s passing, it was not the usual seasonal stress of Â massiveÂ Â shopping Â expeditions, Â big Â dinners, Â major decorating, over-dressed dining, or any of the things that really take away from the joy of the Â holiday season for me. The gatherings were all pleasant, the gift Â exchanges simple, the Â food Â good, Â the company Â good. Â Warm and wonderful Â times this December. Â And this year, I didnâ€™t send a single Christmas card or note. Not a one. Funny. I used to send them by the hundreds. Last year, just a couple. This year, none.
My mom kept apologizing over the â€œbotchedâ€ Christmas meal with her, but it was wonderful Â and the least stressed holiday meal I can ever remember with her. Just informal and relaxed and…good.
So now Iâ€™ve sent the girls to bed, in preparation for their day with their dad on Christmas, and Iâ€™ll spend the day quietly alone, maybe catch a movie, or enjoy a long walk. I might as well catch my breath while I can because in the coming weeks, life is going to get very busy in wonderful new ways as new things begin.